Your Big Day
by Ultrawoman
Summary: COMPLETE! FantasyAU - In one week Buffy Summers is set to marry the man she loves. Everything should be perfect, but then why is she so worried it’ll all go wrong? Maybe she’s marrying the wrong man... [will be Spuffy]
1. Chapter 1

A/N : Hey gang! Yeah, I'm back, after just a week! Didn't even miss me did ya? Anyway, here's the first chapter of a new FantasyAU Spuffy fic I've been planning for a while now. Anyone reading this who is wondering when they'll be seeing a sequel to Our Little Secret, check back tomorrow, I just might have something for you then :-)

Title : Your Big Day  
Rating : PG-13  
Summary : FantasyAU. In one week Buffy Summers is set to marry the man she loves at a wedding she's spent weeks planning. Everything should be perfect, but then why is she so worried it'll all go wrong? Maybe she's marrying the wrong man...  
Disclaimer : Characters are based on those that Joss Whedon created for Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel : The Series, i.e. I do not own the characters in this story!

Chapter 1

"Explain to me again why we're having a Bachelorette party exactly one whole week before the wedding?" Cordelia Chase complained to her red-haired friend and work colleague Willow Rosenburg. The other girl sighed and spoke in a tone much less deafening than Cordy's.

"'Cause Buffy refuses to be totally wasted on her wedding day and I respect that" she explained, "and every other day from now to then leads directly into a work day and it's gonna look real suspicious if we all take a sick day together!"

Cordelia rolled her eyes in annoyance as Willow continued to straighten the magazines on the coffee table and generally fuss about everything. It was just her way, Cordy knew that. Willow tidied when she was nervous and she was totally panicked that something was gonna go wrong at this party. Nothing could go wrong, of that the brunette was certain, since she'd been second in command on the preparations front, after Willow.

The table for dinner was booked, then it was onto the Bronze for many drinks and that's where the added surprise would happen, the one that Willow didn't know about yet, but the other girls did. Cordy had discussed it with Harmony, Fred, and Darla, who had all decided that no bachelorette party was complete without a stripper. They all agreed not to tell Willow about it since she would panic that Buffy wouldn't approve and probably let the cat out of the bag way too early.

Speaking of Buffy, where was that girl, Cordelia started to wonder, as she stood up and stomped over to the bedroom door. She knocked loudly, almost spilling the glass of wine in her other hand.

"Buffy, come on girl, we have to be leaving soon" she snapped, disturbing the blonde from what she was doing, or should that be who...

"Just a second!" she called through the door to her friend as she stood up and straightened her hair. A second later her fiancee climbed to his feet too, but he had very definite ideas about getting his future wife back down on the bed. She giggled as he kissed her neck, stopping her from fastening her dress properly.

"Save it for later" she mock scolded him as she turned to face him, "I have to go now, and so do you" she reminded him. It was his Bachelor Party too, though he'd convinced the guys he really didn't want to go and party like they planned. Instead they would be crashing their way into the apartment to drink much beer and talk about girls and cars and sports, Buffy had no doubts at all about that.

"I'd rather spend my time with you than with them" he told her as he advanced on her again and she fought with the zipper of her dress, "Here let me do that" he sighed, turning her back round and forcing the fastening in a distinctly southern direction.

"We're supposed to be going up here" she reminded him, making him laugh as he replied.

"I think you'll find that I am" he assured her, earning himself a playful slap on the arm as she distanced herself from him and checked her hair in the mirror.

"Get out of this room!" she ordered, though she wasn't half so severe as she might have been, she just couldn't stop laughing. With some resignation he left and Buffy asked him to send Willow in, which he did.

"Hey" the red-head smiled as she entered the room and saw her blonde friend seated at the vanity table, reapplying her lipstick.

"Hey Will, could you maybe do me a favour?" she smiled, reaching behind herself and gesturing to the zipper she could not fasten herself.

"Oh, I got it" Willow nodded, helping her friend with the problem, "Could Riley not have done that?" she asked afterwards and off Buffy's look she just said, "Oh" and went a distinct shade of scarlet at the very idea!

Twenty two years old, and still Willow's face went the colour of her hair whenever anything even kind of sex-related got mentioned, despite the fact Buffy knew her friend was not so virginal anymore. She and Xander had been living together for over a year now...

"Oh before I forget" she gasped, breaking Buffy's train of thought and almost causing her lipstick to take a sharp turn up the side of her face, "I brought that pair of earrings for next week" she told her friend, producing the gold and silver items and placing in her hand.

"Oh thanks Will, they're gorgeous and they'll look perfect with my dress" Buffy smiled opening the drawer and taking out her jewellery box where they would be safe, at the very same moment that Cordelia burst into the room.

"Can we leave already!" she exclaimed, "We have to be at that restaurant in fifteen minutes and the cab will be here any second! Besides we've practically cleared the alcohol supply"

Buffy shook her head and laughed lightly.

"I just have to put these earrings away and pick up my purse, then we're good to go"

"Ooh, pretty" Cordy commented as she stumbled into the room, already a little worse for wear for the wine, "They're Willow's right?"

"Yeah, my something borrowed" she reminded the brunette as she placed the items into the box.

"So you have all four of your things now?" Willow checked.

"Not quite" Buffy shook her head as she put the box back in the drawer, "The earrings are the borrowed, my mum's necklace is the old since it's a family heirloom kind of a thing, my dress is new...that just leaves me needing something blue" she realised.

"Oh, how about this!" Cordelia grinned pulling a small item from the drawer Buffy was putting her jewellery box into. She swung the blue garter around her finger with a raised eyebrow and Buffy looked equal parts shocked and annoyed as she grabbed it back and shoved it into the depths of the drawer where it had come from.

"No" she said flatly, "I won't be wearing that again"

Cordy looked quizzically at Willow as Buffy left the room in a hurry. The red-head shook her head, warning her friend not to mention it again or ask any more questions unless she want to cause severe trouble tonight. For once, Cordelia seemed to take the hint.

Buffy swept through the living room and into the bathroom, feeling decidedly sick. Her memory worked over-drive and ran away without her, especially when she looked down at her own shaking hands and caught sight of her engagement ring...

Flashback

The Senior Prom for Sunnydale High's Class of 2000 was nearly over. In the centre of the dancefloor were the King and Queen, arms around each other as they swayed gently to the slow music. They were popular, they were intelligent, and most importantly they were in love.

"Buffy" the man that held her close said softly, causing her to lift her head from his chest and look up at him "You do know I love you, don't you?" he checked, making her smile at just how sweet he really was.

"Of course" she assured him, "and I love you too"

He smiled too when he heard those words that he would never tire of hearing, not from her, not ever.

"Tonight's been pretty much perfect, hasn't it?" he said, pushing some stray hair behind her ear, careful not to disturb the tiara upon her head.

"Yeah it has" Buffy agreed, wondering where this little conversation was going.

"All I want is for every night to be perfect for us" he said slowly, eyes flitting between the floor and her face, "I want our lives to be perfect together, so I want to ask you...will you marry me Buffy?"

End Flashback

"Cab's here, Buffy!" Fred called, as the rest of the women piled out of the door, Willow being dragged by Cordy, with Harmony and Darla giggling behind them.

"It's okay" Buffy replied, a smile painted on her face as she appeared, "I'm ready" she told her friend, hurrying to her side and linking arms with her, "Let's go" she grinned as they followed the other four girls out of the apartment.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Yes, I know, this is looking like a decidedly B/R fic, but don't be fooled by the flashback scene...next chapter will probably clear up any confusion, but if you think you know what's gonna happen, by all means take a guess when you review! Did you catch that subtle hint about reviewing? ;-)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N : Thanx to everyone who reviewed the first chapter of this; Elizance, sunnygell, llmisscookiemonster, Lolita, Mr Lennox i pressume, Courtney37, BiWiccanPrincess, Higgy's Red, Anonona, wigi, BuffyandDracoLover, wicked-angel3, velja, kait - you guys rock! I'm always nervous when I post the first chapter of a new fic and I'm so glad you like this so far. Some of you made some good guesses about the flashback and what's coming next. Here's the next chapter...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 2 

"You look great" Anya grinned widely as she walked around her 'boyfriend' for the fourth time. It was often hard to tell if he and she really were a couple, and in most senses of the word they probably weren't, but behind closed doors they would be at it like bunnies every night, and despite her strange aversion to those creatures, she had to agree the phrase did fit!

"I don't feel great" Spike admitted, shifting awkwardly in his too tight black leather pants, with a tight black T-shirt and another red shirt over the top, none of which would be staying on his body long once he got out of this back room, where his 'girlfriend' fussed and prodded at him like a science project.

"It doesn't matter what it feels like to you" the girl told him with a shake of her head as they both stood sideways by the full length mirror, "It's how you make all the women feel when they see you that counts"

"I know" he sighed in defeat. When he'd started out doing this gig it'd been fun. A whole load of women, paying good money to watch him get practically naked. It was easy cash and a chance to get laid every other night, what more was an eighteen year old male going to ask for? But it was four years on now, and Spike was getting bored and hacked off with the life that he led.

"What is it tonight?" he asked, looking back over his shoulder at Anya, "'Nother hen party?"

"Bachelorette Party, sweetie" she corrected him, "remember how we're in America and not good old England?"

"Don't I soddin' know it" he mumbled, looking down at the costume he wore. The boy that had come to the USA at the age of fourteen with his parents and sister would never have envisaged the future he now had as a twenty two year old young man. As Anya went to check what time her guy would be needed, Spike's mind wandered back in time...

Flashback

"So, the Buffster's been telling me your plans" Xander grinned at his friend as they stood by the bar at the Bronze, fetching sodas for the girls that chatted animatedly over at the table.

"Yeah, her plans mate, not mine" he shook his head and sighed making the brunette frown.

"I don't get it" he said quietly, though there was no way Buffy or Willow could hear what they were saying from this range and across the noisy club, "You asked her to marry you and now you don't want to?"

"No, I do want to" he assured his friend, "I just didn't expect it to happen so fast. I mean, one minute I'm telling her I love her and I wanna be with her, the next I'm supposed to be spending my savings on a honeymoon and picking out our kids names!" he complained.

"When you asked her to marry you, you meant like a 'one day in the future' deal, right?" Xander guessed as everything fell into place.

His friend nodded sadly. Buffy had taken his proposal and run with it, deciding she wanted to be a married woman before she went to Sunnydale U. Barely consulting him, she'd arranged that August 15th would be their wedding day, and the idea of being tied down at that young age, well, it gave him the wiggins.

"You gotta tell her man" Xander told his friend, a hand on his shoulder, "before it's too late and you break her heart for good"

"Oh come on, Xan" William shook his head, running a hand back through his sandy-coloured hair, "you know as well as I do it'd break her bloody heart either way"

"Maybe" Xander conceded, picking up two of the four drinks that had just arrived on the bar, "but the longer you wait, the worse it's gonna be"

End Flashback

"Spike!" Anya called again, trying to bring him out of his daze.

"What? Sorry" he replied, shaking his head to clear the muddled thoughts that were in there, "Guess I kinda zoned out"

"Completely" Anya nodded, "I was about to try other ways of getting your attention...almost a shame that yelling worked" she mumbled the last part with some annoyance before continuing, "Anyway the Bachelorette's should be arriving in about ten minutes, they'll need a few minutes to get drinks and stuff and when one of them gives the signal to the barman, the music will start and you're on"

"I know the drill, luv" Spike nodded his understanding, "but what are we gonna do with the time til then?"

"I have an idea" the currently bottle-blonde girl grinned suggestively but Spike shook his head and backed off.

"I think I'll just have a smoke" he said quickly, taking his packet of cigarettes and lighter from his coat that hung on a chair to one side. He slipped out of the back door, before Anya could say another word, glad that at least no-one should be able to see him in the back alley at this time of night.

- - - - - - -

"You okay Buff?" Willow asked her friend as the girls piled out of a their cab and into the nightclub. The blonde had been a little more liberal with the wine than usual at dinner and Willow was wondering if it had something to do with Cordelia and what she'd said about that blue garter...

"I'm fine, Finey McFine" Buffy giggled a little madly from the effects of so much alcohol and not enough food, "I'm getting married in a week" she whispered dramatically behind her hand before laughing out loud again. Willow, who had consumed just one glass of wine, didn't quite see why it was all so funny. She just smiled at her friend, rolling her eyes as she was forced to help her through the door to stop Buffy from injuring herself.

Finally the six girls were seated around a table and complex drinks were being demanded of a couple of cute barmen who made the mistake of saying they could make cocktails on request.

Harmony made some comment about 'Sex on the Beach' that made even Cordelia blush, and Darla's exhibitionist behaviour soon had several males offering her a 'Back Street Banger'. Thankfully Willow and Fred who were suitably sober managed to remind her she was engaged to another man and thoughts of her beloved Angel seemed to calm her down somewhat. The girls were already fretting over what Darla's own Bachelorette party might be like...

Cordelia was so inebriated that she'd almost completely forgotten about the 'entertainment' she'd hired until some over-excited and fairly drunk guys had started humming the tune of 'the Stripper' encouraging Harmony in her efforts to climb onto the nearest table.

Thankfully some of the bar staff had their brains in gear as well as their bodies and the men were swiftly removed by security whilst the dizzy blonde was talked down from her mission and given a soft drink and a stern telling off by Willow.

"Honestly does the girl have no morals?" Willow said half to herself as she sat down on a stool beside Buffy who was still giggling.

"Morals, huh?" she laughed, "Men don't have morals...men are pigs" she spat, gulping down the rest of her drink. Willow looked worriedly at her friend.

"Buffy, you're getting married to Riley in a week and you've just decided you hate all men?" she said nervously, making Buffy shake her head violently and almost knock herself off her stool.

"No, no, no" she protested, "I don't hate Riley...just the rest of them...except Xander" she clarified badly.

Willow sighed as a distinct feeling of deja vu washed over her. She'd been here before with Buffy, in this situation, where all men were scum and alcohol was good for numbing the pain they caused, though it wasn't so much _they_ as it was _him_. Why hadn't they seen the signs sooner? Willow had to admit she partly blamed herself for not seeing that her friend's fiancé was not completely happy about the upcoming nuptials, and she knew Xander did too. Poor Buffy was just so excited...

Flashback

"Oh Will, this is the one" the little blonde girl beamed as she swished the fabric of the wedding dress around her legs and admired herself in the full length mirror. The white bodice showed off her figure beautifully and the full white skirt swung out around her legs. Admittedly there was a hint of the meringue about her appearance, but then who didn't look a little like that on their wedding day? It was the bride's perogative, the same as being a little late, though Buffy knew she would not be that.

"You look a picture, Buff" Willow assured her friend, dreading the fact her turn was coming next. She was to be the single bridesmaid at the wedding and as such was required to wear some glorious dress or other, looking almost as stunning as the bride. If there was one thing the red-head disliked it was being noticed, but she'd so anything for her best friend of the past twelve years or more.

"I hope William will like it" Buffy sighed, "He will, won't he?" she asked her friend who nodded certainly.

"How could he not?" she smiled, "He loves you so much, you could show up in your Doublemeat uniform he'd still think you look beautiful"

Buffy made a face before bursting out laughing at the idea of getting married in a bright orange outfit, complete with the hat bearing the front of a cow and the back end of a chicken.

"Okay, so that was kinda stupid" Willow admitted as she herself joined in with the laughing, "but you know what I mean. He loves you more than anything"

"He does" Buffy agreed, going back to admiring her dress in the glass, "and I love him so much too...I hope he and Xander are having as much fun as us" she smiled, thinking of her fiancé and her other best friend. Xander was to be William's best man and they had gone shopping for their suits whilst the girls looked at dresses.

"Willow, I've never been so certain of anything in my life as I am about William and me being together" Buffy gushed and Willow smiled at her friends enthusiasm.

At first the red-head had thought, okay so William's proposal had been totally romantic and everything but was it not a little crazy to rush through a wedding before they were even nineteen? But seeing how happy they were together everyday, how excited Buffy was about the wedding and everything, how could Willow not be supportive of that?

"I'm sure he's just as certain" she smiled, "He wouldn't have proposed if he wasn't"

End Flashback

'Oh how wrong could a person be?' Willow frowned to herself as she thought about it. She was about to say something to Buffy when Cordelia began to wave her arms around like some kind of manic windmill, then she opened her mouth and the yelling started.

"Ladies, ladies, quiet it down" she yelled from atop the chair she'd managed to climb onto, her complex-looking drink spilling out of the glass in her left hand as she gestured wildly, "I think it's time for a little entertainment!" she grinned turning to signal a blonde girl behind a curtain.

Anya winked at Spike, encouraging him to come forward. He checked the fastening on his mask as he walked passed her with a sigh.

"Go get 'em, tiger" she grinned, slapping him on the ass as he went by.

'Here we go again' thought Spike as the music began.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Sorry if you didn't want Spike to be a stripper, but personally I love my idea! How shallow am I? Pretty shallow actually, but who doesn't love the idea of Spike dancing around and taking off his clothes? Oh well, hopefully most of you are happy, please review and let me know :-)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N : Hello all! Yeah, I know, it's been a while. I have reasons for my absence I swear, the main one of which is my friend has got me completely hooked on an online BtVS/AtS Trading Card Game. Seriously, it's so addictive but really fun if you like that kinda thing. Anyway, enough of that, because I'm sure you're much more interested in the new chapter! Thanx to; Amandamanda3, spikeswife1, Celestria-17, Lindsay, Lolita, teehee32, Mr Lennox I pressume, CursedBlondie, samsarah, darkmistress013, Buffy Summers, msberry, naiya-isis, sunnyhell, iluvglorfindel, fashiongrrl, wicked-angel3, demona424, wigi, for all the awesome reviews. Hope you like this chapter...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 3

"Oh my goddess!" Willow gasped hands flying up to cover her mouth as the music in the club changed and out from behind a curtain came a man in tight black and leather clothing, with bleached blond hair, and a black mask across his eyes like Zorro.

"What's going on?" Buffy asked drunkenly as she tried to turn around on her stool without falling off it in the process. She'd heard all the girls squeal and scream but they'd been doing that all night so she hadn't taken much notice until she heard Willow's reaction.

As Buffy stumbled off her seat and turned herself around to face the scene she was confronted by possibly the most attractive thing she'd ever seen in her life before.

"Enjoy it while you can!" Cordelia yelled to her as the stripper danced and gyrated in front of them.

"He's a stripper?!" the blonde's alcohol-soaked brain suddenly realised as the red shirt disappeared from his body and the black t-shirt from beneath it looked as if it wouldn't be far behind. As drunk as Buffy was, she really hadn't been expecting this and she was so embarrassed to know this guy was dancing and removing clothing for her! As she backed up against the bar, covering her face with her hands and blushing profusely she couldn't help but peek through her fingers as the stripper peeled off his other shirt and all the women screamed for more.

The dancers moves seemed to beckon the girls toward him, like he wanted them to touch him.

"Go for it!" Darla and Harmony both encouraged Buffy but she shook her head wildly and refused point blank to go anywhere near him. Willow stood by her friend, wanting to be disgusted by such a display but unable to remove her eyes from the sight.

Cordelia soon decided that if Buffy wasn't going to take advantage then she would. She willingly got her hands onto every available part of the nameless man and he didn't seem to mind at all, as the rest of the girls chanted for him to take the rest off and a few decided he should take the mask off too. As nice as he looked from the neck down they wanted his identity.

Buffy continued to watch through her fingers as the guy whispered into Cordelias ear and she laughed as she ripped off his pants that weren't as attached to him as they first seemed.

Still they continued to dance, though it looked more like a certain bedroom activity than regular dancing, since now all the guy had left on was his mask and boots and a scrap of red material that barely passed for underwear.

"Take it off! Take it off!" Darla began to chant and the rest of the girls soon joined in, not just those there for Buffy's Bachelorette party but literally almost every girl in the club, except for a still very embarrassed Buffy herself and also Willow.

- - - - - - -

Spike thought he'd got a good crowd tonight. The girls had started screaming before he'd barely started moving, which meant they were probably fairly drunk. That would mean they were more excitable but less able, so he probably wouldn't have too much trouble from them - he was wrong about that.

He suspected the brunette that came to dance with him was probably the bride-to-be, it didn't really matter whether she was or she wasn't. She did what they all did, enjoyed getting their hands on him and helping him remove what needed to be removed. Now they were all getting a little too much and there was absolutely no way anything else was coming off him tonight. As Cordy's hands went for places he refused to let them roam any longer, he managed to dodge away and headed for the curtain as the music died down. He'd almost made it, when Harmony yelled something about his cute hair and a hand shot out around the back of his head, making the mask slip from his face. He spun round to see what was going on and came face to face with a girl he hadn't seen in years...

- - - - - - -

"I swear Buffy, I didn't know about this" Willow assured her friend as the stripper finally disappeared behind the edge of the curtain.

"It's okay Will" she said, taking her hands away from her face "I just..." the blonde's sentence did not get finished as she looked up right when the stripper turned back, and she came face to face with a man she hadn't seen in years...

Flashback

"Oh Willow, this is it" Buffy gushed, "I can't believe it" she grinned as she straightened out the skirt of her long white dress and asked her bridesmaid, for the twentieth time, if her veil was straight.

"You look beautiful, Buff" the red-head smiled, "You really do"

"And so do you" she told her friend with a grin.

The car pulled up outside the church and the ladies piled out, Buffy, her best-friend/bridesmaid, and her mother who would be giving her away.

"This is it" Joyce smiled as they walked over to the steps that led into the church, "Not long now until my baby is a married woman" she had tears in her eyes as she spoke and Buffy's lip trembled.

"Mom, please" she implored her, "If you cry then I'll cry and I really don't want to look like a panda when William sees me" she smiled.

"Sorry sweetheart" her mother apologised, "Now for the last time, are you sure you have your four good luck things?"

Buffy took a deep breath and recited; "Something old - Grandma's brooch, something new - my dress, something borrowed - your necklace, and something blue..." she trailed off as her face went ridiculously red, "my garter" she whispered.

Joyce rolled her eyes as Willow giggled before the three women all took a deep breath and faced forward to go into the building. Willow put her hand on the door to open it, when suddenly it opened all by itself and her other best friend came hurrying out.

"Hey girls" Xander laughed nervously as he came outside "you look gorgeous"

"What are you doing Xan?" Buffy frowned "You should be waiting up front with William, you are best man after all"

"I know" the brunette looked pained as he took a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to the bride. She smiled as she saw her name on it in William's elegant handwriting. Unfolding the paper, she read the words he'd written...

'My dearest Buffy,

I hardly know where to begin with this letter, because I hardly know where to begin with the feelings I have for you. I love you, I hope you know that, and I thought we would be together forever, that's why I asked you to marry me. I didn't realise you were going to want to move so fast. These past few weeks I've started to feel like maybe we should stop and think about what we're doing, but I never said anything because you were so happy and I thought if I just concentrated on how happy you were I would be the same, but I'm not. Don't ever think that I don't love you, because I swear to God I always will, since I don't know how to stop, but I can't marry you today sweetheart...'

The paper dropped from Buffy's hands, the rest of it's message left unread as a flood of tears fell from her eyes.

Across the road, William watched from the back of a cab, forcing back his own tears as he told the driver to put his foot down, now. In his head he replayed the words he'd written in that letter to her. He'd read it over and over wondering if he was doing the right thing, the result being he knew it's message, word for word.

'...I can't marry you today sweetheart. If I did I would just hurt you later on. I'm not ready to be tied down, and I know I should have spoken up sooner, but now its all too late. I know you could never love me again after this, and I can't bear to live in this town with you when I know you'll be forced to hate me. I'm leaving Sunnydale, and I'll be gone before you receive this letter.

I'm sorry, Buffy, but it's for the best.

All my love

William'

He'd planned to be gone before she got the letter, just like he'd said, but morbid curiosity made him want to see her in that dress. She'd fussed about the wedding so much, told him over and over about this beautiful dress she'd bought to wear just for him. The moment he saw her in it would be the last moment he ever saw her, or so he thought...

End Flashback

"Buffy?!" Spike gasped at the sight of her across the room.

"Oh my Goddess!" Willow said for about the twelfth time that night as Buffy got to her feet, eyes wide and gaping as she stared at him.

"William?!"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Well, there was some more explanation, some Spike stripping, and the meeting of Buffy and Spike. Now the fun really begins! Reviews are all very welcome as always.  
If you've been reading my other fic 'So Mote It Be' I'm updating that too tonight. Will hopefully update 'Our Little Family' and 'Innocence' before the end of the week.  
Extra note; if you're intersted in the Trading Card Game I talked about in my other note, go to www. zassy. net /fire (take the spaces out)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N : Thanx to everyone who reviewed; Amandamanda3, BuffyandDracoLover, star2421, lilmisscookiemonster, Onion Petal, darkmistress013, x Thursday Next x. It's great to know you still like this fic that I am so enjoying writing. Now for the Buffy/Spike reactions that you've been waiting for...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 4

"What's going on?" Darla asked Harmony, frowning in confusion.

"I think Buffy knows the stripper" the second blonde realised, looking over at her friend, before they both shrugged and went back to their tequila shots and a couple of guys who's names had been forgotten a while ago.

In a moment the club was back to normal, all except for three people who stood rooted to the spot just staring at each other.

"Oh my God, Buffy" Spike repeated, unable to believe she was really standing there before him. He couldn't move, couldn't form a coherent sentence, it'd been so long and he was so convinced he'd never lay eyes on the girl again, but here she was, so very much a woman now.

"I...I don't" she began to stammer, before her hand shot up to her face and she bolted towards the ladies room.

It took Willow a second to register that her best friend had gone, as she was equally shocked to see Buffy's ex-fiancé and her own boyfriends ex-best friend standing there, practically naked and gaping at them like they were from another planet.

As soon as the gears in her mind shifted and she realised Buffy had run off she went after her at speed. She heard her before she saw her, heaving up everything she'd eaten for the past week, or so it seemed. The red-head tapped on the stall door and it opened slightly, Buffy had not had time to lock it.

"You okay sweetie?" she asked carefully when Buffy finally stopped retching, both were glad that the bathroom was currently empty save for the two of them.

"What is he doing here?" the blonde asked as she turned, still crouched on the ground by the toilet.

"Er, well, taking off his clothes apparently" Willow really wasn't sure what to say. She had been so surprised by the sight of William herself that it had yet to sink in what was really happening. There were a whole lot of unanswered questions, did William still have feelings for Buffy? Did it make a difference if he did or if she did? And what about Buffy's wedding to Riley that should be occurring in one week? All this could turn out to be a disaster but Willow knew one thing for sure, whatever happened she would be there, right at Buffy's side, like she had been the last time.

Willow moved to let her friend out of the stall and they both stood by the sinks as Buffy washed her hands and tried to remain calm.

"I can't believe he's here" she said quietly "and doing...that" she added distastefully, remembering his performance. Of course it was highly hypocritical to be anti-strippers all of a sudden, just because her sweet, shy, wonderful ex-boyfriend had been corrupted into being one, but Buffy wasn't too worried about that right now.

"It's been four years, sweetie" Willow told her softly, knowing that even after all this time and all the moving on, seeing him again had really hit her hard "I guess he's changed" she mused "You have too"

"Don't defend him Will" Buffy snapped, turning off the faucet and grabbing some paper towels from the dispenser on the wall.

"No defend-age" Willow said quickly, hands up in surrender "all big with the supporting you here" she assured her best friend who was practically a sister to her "but...what are you going to do now?" she asked carefully, scared she was about to get her head taken off again.

"Nothing" Buffy shrugged, trying to be nonchalant but failing badly as tears ran down her face "I just...I can feel it all over again, Will" she began to sob "and it hurts so much" she admitted as she fell into the red-head's arms and cried like a child. Both girls were reminded of that other painful day, when Buffy had cried and Willow had shed tears on her best friend's behalf, and because of this same man...

Flashback

"How could he do this to me Willow?" Buffy sobbed as her best friend held onto her. She'd taken over comfort-duty from Joyce who was out for blood after hearing that her baby girl had been jilted by her fiancé, and was currently tearing a strip off of the boys father who was completely at a loss for words about the whole sorry business.

"I don't know how or why he did it Buffy" Willow sympathised, "I wish I did know" she sighed, wondering how this had happened without her noticing. When had William realised he didn't love Buffy enough to spend his life with her? It seemed crazy since it was he that had proposed and only a few short months ago.

"Hey Buff" Xander approached and laid a hand on the girls back, "I'm so sorry about this, if I'd had any idea he was gonna..." his sentence tailed off as the blonde girl continued to cry on Willow's shoulder, seemingly not paying any attention at all to her other friends ramblings.

Willow gave him a half smile, assuring him that she believed him. She knew he must have done everything he could to talk William out of this, but despite his quiet and gentle nature, the boy had a stubborn streak a mile wide. He was a wonderful person and Willow loved him as a best friend almost as much as she loved Xander and Buffy, but leaving Buffy like this, on their wedding day of all days...Willow was not the kind of person to hate anyone but she really wasn't too happy about William right now.

"Well, it seems even his father doesn't understand his behaviour" Joyce raved as she re-joined her daughter and her friends, "and I will never understand how he could do this to you honey, it's unforgivable"

Willow was quite relieved to be able to pass Buffy back over to her mother so she could hold her as she cried some more. The front of the red-heads bridesmaid dress was slowly getting soaked through from her friends tears.

She walked over to where Xander was sitting with his head in his hands and slid into the pew beside him.

"Hey" she said to get his attention and smiled a little as he looked over at her, "She's not blaming you" she assured him, with a hand on his arm, "Shooting the messenger just isn't Buffy's style"

"I know that Will" he sighed, "I just...I keep thinking, I'm the best man, but I couldn't even talk the groom out of running out on his own wedding...that makes me the worst man"

"That's just stupid" Willow said sternly, not a tone she usually used, which shocked her friend somewhat, "You are the best man, you always have been and you always will be" she told him, "to me anyway" she added much more softly, a genuine smile on her lips. Xander smiled back as he pulled her into a hug and sighed once again. It was so great to know they would always have each other to care about them, if only the same could still be said for Buffy and William.

End Flashback

Willow couldn't help the small smile on her lips as she thought of that day. For all the badness that had occurred, it had spawned one good event. She and Xander had realised their feelings ran deeper than friendship and she was so glad about that. Her smile soon died as Buffy's sobbing hardly let up for a moment and she heard a faint tapping on the bathroom door...

- - - - - - -

****

"Spike, what is going on?!" Anya more or less screamed at him as he came back behind the curtain, grabbing the black jeans and T-shirt he had originally arrived in and pulling them on "You are not supposed to let them take off your mask!" the bottle-blonde snapped, obviously angry, but Spike didn't care at all. Right now all he could think of was the girl he'd just seen after such a long time of believing he'd never see her again.

"Stuff the soddin' mask" he yelled back at Anya, finally managing to get his legs into his jeans and the T-shirt over his head "I have to talk to Buffy" he insisted, forcing his feet into a pair of boots and turning to leave.

Anya stepped in front of him, putting her hands on his chest to push him back.

"Buffy? The bride-to-be? Why?" she asked, completely confused and somewhat hurt that he was being like this with her. Okay, so their relationship was ninety percent sex with a little business and a little friendship mixed in, it wasn't all heart and flowers, or love and romance, but she thought she meant more to him than this.

"Anya" he sighed, taking her hands and removing them from his body "for once in your life do me a bleedin' favour and shut your gob!" he said not so much nastily as it was tiredly. He'd had enough of the silly bint with her constant yammering about money and shagging.

"Fine" he heard her call behind him "but let me tell you something William Anderson! You walk out of here now and I am not having sex with you tonight!"

He hadn't quite cleared the curtain when she finished the sentence and happily flipped her off over his shoulder as he went to find a girl that meant much more to him than Anya ever could.

"Where's Buffy?" he asked the first girl he recognised as one of the party. Fred looked embarrassed that a stripper was talking to her and tried to hide in her drink as Darla leaned over the bar and slurred the words she said.

"How does the stripper know Buffy?" she asked him with a strange smile. Spike shook his head. He hated to see women in this condition. Happily drunk was one thing but these birds were so hammered they could barely stand!

"We used to be mates" he said swiftly "just tell me where she is"

"In the ladies room, with Willow" Fred said, barely looking at him as Darla continued to stare drunkenly and not form a sentence. Spike nodded a quick thanks to the girl with the Texas accent before hurrying in the direction of the bathroom.

It was only when Spike reached the door that he stopped himself, remembering it was a ladies bathroom and he may not be too popular if he just barged in.

"Buffy?" he called through the wood, tapping his fist on it and praying she'd just come out of there so he could talk to her. In all honesty he wasn't sure what to say yet but he thought maybe if he had the chance to talk to her the words would just come to mind...well, he hoped so anyway.

A couple of girls giggled as they stood nearby and watched Spike apparently talking to a door. He just shot them a dirty look and carried on begging Buffy to come out and talk to him. After a while the door opened and he was half way to smiling before he realised it wasn't Buffy but her best friend.

"Hey Red" he said casually as he could, wondering at the woman she'd become, different to the shy little thing he'd known four years ago "S'been a while" he commented, thinking not just how much she and Buffy seemed to have changed but how much his life had altered too.

"Yeah" Willow nodded, her voice very quiet as if she didn't want Buffy to hear everything she was saying, she held the door closed behind herself, "and don't get me wrong William, part of me is really pleased to see you after all this time" she told him "but for the most part I'm not happy" she frowned then "You have no idea how much you hurt Buffy when you just left and..."

"There's not a day between then and now when I haven't thought of her" he interrupted, nothing but honesty in his eyes and Willow felt bad for keeping him away from Buffy, despite the awful thing he'd done before "Can I talk to her or what?" Spike sighed as Willow opened the door a crack and peered back into the bathroom.

He guessed that Buffy refused to come out yet when Willow shook her head.

"I don't think so" she said, disappearing back into the ladies room, and Spike was sure he heard Buffy start to sob again.

In frustration he drew back his fist and slammed it into the wall at the same time as his foot kicked it. All he achieved was very painful fingers and toes, but he couldn't believe how his life was turning out. He'd never thought he might see Buffy again, but he'd dreamt of it so often. She still owned his heart, of that he was certain, despite all that had happened these past four years...but how could she ever forgive him for the pain he'd caused...

Flashback

Xander frowned as his cellphone began to vibrate in his pocket. He glanced at the screen and shook his head when he saw who was calling - William. Checking that no-one was paying attention to his movements and very glad that Willow had gone back to Buffy a few moments ago, the brunette boy slipped out of the church and answered the call, but in a none too friendly manner.

"William Anderson I could break your nose for this!" he threatened and he heard his friend sigh.

"Xand, I am sorry" came the reply as William stood outside the airport, "I didn't want to drag you into it all like this"

"It's not the drag-age I'm mad about" Xander told him, "Although I'm not happy about that either...Buffy's a mess, man!"

William winced at that. He really hadn't wanted to hurt her, it's why he'd run like he had. He knew he could never be happy being tied down so young and he'd end up resenting Buffy for that. He'd thought that if he made a clean break now, she could get over him and move on and maybe he could do the same.

"It was now or later" he said sadly, "and it only would've been worse then"

"If you saw what you'd really done to her" Xander sighed, "You wouldn't think you could make her feel worse" there was a pause before he added, "Don't call me again Will" and hung up the phone

End Flashback

Spike hadn't spoken to Xander from that day to this, and he regretted losing both his friendship and Willows, but worse than all that he regretted losing Buffy. Was it too late now? He thought so, but it didn't mean he wasn't going to try to apologise and hope that they could at least be friends. He'd made such a mess with Anya and everything, he sighed as he lent back against the wall, replaying words that had been said, over and over in his mind...

'Buffy? The bride-to-be?' Anya had gasped and Spike suddenly stood up straight at the realisation.

"Bride-to-be?!" he exclaimed aloud, "Oh, bugger!"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Hope people are still reading and enjoying this. If you are then please review so that I know! Thanx :-)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N : Thanx to those who reviewed - Elizance, Amandamanda3, lilmisscookiemonster, Mr Lennox I pressume, Charlene, evilsmiley1, wigi. I'm really enjoying writing this fic and I'm so glad that you're enjoying reading it :-)

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 5

"Buffy, we can't stay in here all night" Willow carefully pointed out to her friend, afraid of the reaction she might get.

"I know" Buffy sighed, running a hand tiredly over her face "but I can't face having to talk to him Will, not right now" she shook her head defiantly and began to pace the length of the ladies bathroom as the red head had an idea.

"I could ask him to go, give you some space" she suggested, but still Buffy's expression was negative.

"You know how stubborn he is, there's no way..." her sentence tailed off before she suddenly realised something "I've got it" she smiled, eyes fixed on a point across the room. Willow followed her gaze and gasped.

"Buffy, you can't be serious!" she exclaimed "You're gonna go out the window and leave me in here? How do I explain that?" she complained, as Buffy prised the window open to it's full space and tried to calculate if she could fit through the gap "Besides" Willow continued "how ridiculous do you wanna seem? You're engaged to Riley now, you're marrying him in a week, what difference does it make if William is here or not?"

Buffy closed the window again with a thump, her back still to her friend as she sighed.

"I know you're right" she admitted, turning back "but it's all just so weird and I have no idea what to say to him...apart from 'you're a complete ass!'"

"I get that" Willow nodded slightly "but you have to talk to the guy sometime, even if it's only for him to apologise and you to yell at him, it has to be done" she smiled encouragingly, hoping to bring some sanity and adult decency back to the conversation.

"I know" Buffy finally conceded "but not tonight" she begged "I just can't face it right now, I need time to process the fact that he's back and everything"

There was a moments silence before Willow snapped her fingers, the proverbial light bulb appearing above her head.

"Well, maybe I have an idea..."

- - - - - - -

Spike was at a loss as to know what to do for the best. A part of him wanted to pound on that door until Buffy came out and faced him or he could just barge in. Since he'd seen no other girls go in or out of the bathroom it was a safe bet the only people in there were Buffy and Willow so it wouldn't really matter. Another part of him told him to be understanding, told him to wait until she was ready to talk and then explain himself. The final third told him he was a stupid git and he should just walk away now, bundle Anya into the car, drive off into the night and carry on as he had for the past four years.

Spike wasn't fully sure he wanted to go with any of the three ideas. If he did talk to Buffy he didn't know what to say to her. Sorry wasn't going to cut it and besides she was marrying another bloke in a week! But if he didn't talk to her...he wasn't sure he could walk away again.

To a certain degree his decisions were made for him as the bathroom door opened and Willow stepped out.

"She comin' out now?" Spike asked, trying to see past his old friend and finding she wouldn't let him.

"Still no" she admitted, taking hold of the man's arm and carefully steering him down the hallway "William there's some stuff I think I need to say" she said slowly and with a slight frown at her strange behaviour, he nodded and let himself be led around the corner.

He had no idea that whilst Willow rambled on about the past and the future and whole lot of nothing very important, Buffy was taking her opportunity to sneak out of the ladies room and run right through the club to the exit.

Some of the girls called to her as she bolted past but they soon went back to their drinks and some random men they'd met, not paying too much attention to the drama of Buffy's life. She should have been annoyed that they didn't care enough about her, but all she could think of was how much William had hurt her four years ago. All the emotions he'd caused kept on washing over her just as they had back then and as her feet pounded the pavement back to her apartment she was reminded of a dream she'd had almost constantly for weeks after her non-wedding...

Flashback

Buffy grinned as she climbed out of the wedding car, her mother and best friend by her sides. They ascended the stairs to the front door and Joyce turned to her daughter, helping to straighten her veil.

"Now for the last time, are you sure you have your four good luck things?"

Buffy took a deep breath and recited; "Something old - Grandma's brooch, something new - my dress, something borrowed - your necklace, and something blue..." she trailed off as her face went ridiculously red, "my garter" she whispered.

Joyce rolled her eyes as Willow giggled before the three women all took a deep breath and faced forward to go into the building. Willow put her hand on the door to open it, when suddenly it opened all by itself and her other best friend came hurrying out.

"Hey girls" Xander laughed nervously as he came outside "you look gorgeous"

"What are you doing Xan?" Buffy frowned "You should be waiting up front with William, you are best man after all"

"I know" the brunette looked pained as he reached into his pocket and his fingers tightened around a piece of paper there. He was about to take it out and hand it to Buffy when William came bounding up the steps, much to his bride's surprise.

"William? What's going on? Why aren't you waiting inside?" the blonde wasn't sure whether to laugh at his ridiculous behaviour or frown with worry that he wasn't where he should be.

"Don't worry so much, pet" he smiled as he kissed her cheek, sharing a pointed look with Xander as he walked by to go into the church.

"You weren't gonna run out on me, were you?" Buffy's eyes filled with tears at the very idea and William firmly shook his head.

"Just last minute nerves, luv" he promised her, "There's nothing I'd rather be doing today than marrying you" he said so honestly that it only made the bride want to cry all the more.

"Then let's get inside" Joyce urged and William and Xander hurried to their positions at the front of the building, whilst Buffy controlled the tears that were threatening to pour down her cheeks.

In moments the music was playing and the three women were gliding down the aisle towards the groom and his best man. Vows and rings were exchanged and Buffy and William were pronounced to be husband and wife at which point he happily kissed the bride.

End Flashback

That was the point where Buffy always woke up, painful tears cascading down her face as she realised it was still just a fantasy. William had left her that day and she had never seen him again...until tonight. Those same tears were on her cheeks now as she was just yards away from the apartment block where she lived. She stopped just short of the main door.

Up there in apartment 24B was her boyfriend and fiancé, Riley Finn. She loved him and he adored her, and up until a couple of hours ago those two facts were the things she was most sure of. Now she was stuck half way between the present and the past, not knowing which way to turn. She leant against the wall of the building a few feet from the door, realising only now she'd stopped running that she was physically shaking. If William's return could do this to her, without her even really talking to him, what did that mean for her future with Riley?

"...and so I think it's important that I tell you that Buffy has a fiancé now and they're getting married in a week and..." Willow was still rambling and Spike had to admit he was really only half listening, his mind still whirring with thoughts of Buffy, both the girl he'd left behind and the woman he'd seen tonight.

"Willow you did this part already" he said tiredly, truly not wanting to offend her but starting to wonder why she was still talking!

"That's not the point" she said looking slightly worried when he moved to walk away, "don't walk away from me when I'm talking, I..." she fumbled for something else to say as he looked back at her expectantly, "You have to stay here, because I..."she wracked her brains for an excuse but couldn't find one. She cracked so easily under-pressure and William was giving her a look that said he knew something was going on.

"Are you stalling me?" he asked, head tilted and a frown marring his features.

Closing her eyes and sighing in defeat, Willow nodded her head, opening her eyes just in time to see William running after his first love.

She wasn't in the club anymore, he noticed that immediately, but Anya was there, propping up the bar, knocking back doubles like it was going out of fashion. Of course he felt a little bit bad about the way he'd treated her tonight, but they'd always been that way with each other. Their relationship was based on raw, passionate sex, and as much as he enjoyed that activity, he couldn't honestly say he loved her, and he was certain she didn't love him either. Still, she'd played a large part in his life these past few years...

Flashback

William was feeling very lost and alone on the world. It was a little over a year, three hundred and eighty nine days to be exact, since he'd left Sunnydale and a part of him still felt he would be better off heading back there. He often dreamt of the little town that he'd called home for the four best years of his life, arriving there to have Buffy and his friends waiting to welcome him with open arms, but it was just that, a heavenly dream that always brought him pain when he awoke in the morning.

Today was William's twentieth birthday, and he was spending it propping up a bar, spending the last of his money on alcohol that the staff obviously believed him old enough to buy. Here he thought back over the past thirteen months, leaving Buffy, travelling back to England to stay with his grandparents for a while, deciding to go back to Sunnydale and making it as far as LA before bottling out and jumping on the first train out. He visited all the places he wanted to see, living off savings, money from his grandparents and taking part-time work at bars and in restaurant kitchens.

When he arrived in Vegas, he was almost completely out of cash and his birthday 'celebrations' would be short-lived if he were to save enough to pay for his room tonight.

"Stupid idiot!" he heard a young woman begin before cursing colourfully. He turned to see a girl with dark and blonde streaked hair, sitting on a barstool a little way down, yelling into a cellphone.

"And what am I supposed to do?!" she raved, "I have drunken women waiting and no gorgeous man to get naked for them!"

William's eyes went wide as her words reached his ears and he soon looked away when the girl with the phone caught his eye.

"I don't care if you've suddenly realised your sexuality, get naked for men on your own time not mine!" she continued, before coming to an abrupt halt and continuing with her curses as she slammed the phone down on the bar, obviously the guy on the other end had hung up.

"Can I get you a drink, luv?" William offered kindly, seemed like she was a weird bint but the girl was having a rough night and he knew he'd appreciate the offer in similar circumstances.

"I don't need a drink" she snapped, her head in her hands, "What I need is a handsome young man with a body to die for, the ability to take his clothes off in an alluring way, and who's desperate for cash"

'Desperate for cash' was the part that met Spike's ears most fiercely, he was indeed that, but from what she was saying the vacancy she was trying to fill was not exactly for reputable employment.

"You wanna explain that to me slowly?" he asked, checking he was understanding her correctly. He soon found out he was indeed correct in his assumption that she was agent to a stripper and was now looking for a replacement since her latest 'employee' had ditched her.

Maybe it was the amount he'd had to drink, maybe it was his longing for further excitement in his young life, or perhaps he just wanted the money he knew it would bring, but in moments William found himself offering his services to the girl who's name was seriously and formally given as Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins.

After calming down from a severe laughing fit, the young woman encouraged William to stand up. She circled him like a predator, looking him up and down in a worrying fashion before announcing, 'Yeah, I think I can make this work'

End Flashback

Spike's mind was soon back on Buffy, but he realised he was out of luck, as he exited the club and found she was nowhere to be seen, but this was not over.

"'Scuse me mate" he called to the nearest person he saw, "Did you see a girl come this way, bout this high" he gestured, "blonde, early twenties, might have been upset" he winced at the very thought of the last part. The man shook his head but the young woman with him looked thoughtful before saying she'd seen a girl of that description run past about five minutes ago. She pointed in the direction she thought Buffy had gone and with a quick 'thankyou' Spike pelted after her, hoping against hope he could catch her.

"Excuse me" he called to the doorman of a hotel he reached, giving the man his ex-girlfriends description and asking if he'd seen her. His luck it seemed was in as the man pointed down the next street and as Spike headed down towards the building on the corner, he found Buffy leaning against the wall there with tears in her eyes.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : More coming soon! Please review and let me know what you thought of this chapter :-) Thanx.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N : Thanx to the reviewers of the previous chapter; Onion Petal, Elizance, AnononA, lilmisscookiemonster, evilsmiley1, Anyanka0705, Amandamanda3, Mr Lennox I pressume, Spuffy-Spike-91. Sorry I ket you all waiting so long but as soon as I was ready to post a new chapter started having issues and I couldn't upload for days! Anyway, here is the new chapter now, hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing it...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 6

"Buffy..." Spike carefully approached her, feeling so awful when her hands came away from her face and she looked at him with distaste

"Leave me alone, William" she choked out, scrubbing tear tracks from her cheeks with the backs of her hands as she turned away from him.

"No, we have to talk" he told her firmly, walking around her til he could see her face again "You can't just run away from this"

Spike was not expecting the small fist that shot out of the dark and collided with his jaw. His head snapped back as pain shot through his face, mostly from the shock of the hit rather than the force it was dealt with. When his brain had finally processed what had happened he looked back over at the woman who'd just hit him.

"Bloody hell, Buffy!" he exclaimed, rubbing his jaw with his hand, glad to find it still seemed to be in the right place and not broken. He wasn't sure if his shocked tone was because he hadn't expected her to lash out or the fact that she had a hell of a right hook for such a little woman.

"How dare you talk to me about running away?!" she raved, more tears flowing down her face, this time in anger "You left me, Will! On our wedding day!" she reminded him "You humiliated me, in front of my family and our friends!" her voice was cracking by the time she finished "You broke my heart!"

He knew how she felt, really he did. Walking away from her was the hardest thing he'd ever done, but at the time it had seemed like the right thing to do. Now standing here, watching her trying to fight the onslaught of tears, it was tearing him apart.

"I am so sorry, luv" he assured her, daring to move a step closer "you'll never know how much"

"It's too late now" she sobbed, backing up against the wall, trying to hide in the shadows "it's just too late"

"Oh pet, please don't cry" Spike hated to see it and wanted so badly to comfort her. Despite the fact he could still feel where her earlier punch had landed, he dared to reach out his fingers to her arm.

"Don't touch me!" she practically screamed, smacking his hand away from her "Just don't"

"Okay, okay" he backed up fast, holding up his hands in surrender "I'm not, but at least talk to me, please"

She sniffed loudly and shook her head.

"What could you possibly say that I want to hear?" she asked rhetorically "I hate you William Anderson, with everything I have I hate you" she said nastily, years of pain and anger finally finding an escape route.

"Please Buffy, don't say that, don't ever say that" she could tell by the look on his face that it hurt just as much as the punch had, probably more "I know I deserve it but I just can't bear to hear you say it" he begged her to have some kind of mercy. He knew he really deserved no such thing after what he'd done but to think she really despised him this much, it was like a knife through his heart.

"You think it was easy for me to bear hearing that you weren't coming back?" Buffy shot back, more upset than angry now it seemed "Reading that stupid letter on our wedding day? You meant everything to me and you just...did you even love me?" she asked quietly, eyes fixed on the pavement. She waited for an answer and when it didn't come immediately she looked back at him. He looked incredulously at her, as if to say 'how can you even ask that question?' Still, she needed to hear a real response.

"Yes, Buffy" he forced out as a lump rose in his throat "God, you actually think I didn't?" he laughed humourlessly at the very idea "I loved you more than I knew it was possible to love anyone" he ended seriously and it finally seemed they could manage an adult conversation. Buffy's tears had slowed, the fire had gone from her eyes, and when she spoke her tone was for the most part flat.

"Then why did you leave? Why did you hurt me like that Will, if you loved me so damn much how could you?"

Spike looked at the ground. He knew he'd hurt her that day but he hadn't considered how much, never thought that she'd question his love for her, the one thing he'd always been so sure about.

"Y'know it's been four years" Buffy thought aloud "all this time and sometimes I still sit and I wonder why? Was it something I did, or something I didn't do? Was it all just a sick joke? Was everything we did just a joke to you?" that last question she wanted an answer too. All these months and years of wondering if that was all their relationship had ever been, and now she was about to find out for real. For the split second between her question and his answer she was petrified.

"No, baby" he answered fast, desperate to explain this to her whilst he'd got the chance, to make her understand "You remember two weeks before the wedding? We were at your house, Joyce was away for the weekend and I came over so we could finalise arrangements" Buffy nodded that she did indeed remember "I was all prepared to tell you, to explain how I wasn't ready yet, that I loved you more than anything but that maybe we could wait a little while before we tied the knot"

"You didn't tell me any of that" Buffy closed her eyes as she said it because she knew why he hadn't told her.

"I never got beyond the 'I love you' part" he recounted, his voice much softer than it ever was these days "You looked so beautiful and you loved me so much" he shoved his hands in his pockets as he spoke, trying to resist the urge to reach out and touch her "I remember I was halfway through my speech when you told me I didn't need to say anymore, seemed you had a little speech of your own planned..."

"More than a speech" she said after a moment, eyes open now and locked onto his "I knew we were supposed to wait for our wedding night but you meant so much to me, and asking me to marry you, it'd proved to me that I was all you wanted...I knew I'd found the man I would spend my life with, so I gave you everything I had, all of me"

Finally she looked down, breaking eye contact, and Spike felt like the biggest piece of crap on the planet.

"I should've stopped it, I know that" he told her, knowing it didn't make things any better but just wanting her to know he'd learnt from it.

"I don't blame you for that" Buffy admitted with a small shake of her head "No matter what you did after that, you made that night so special for me" she remembered "When we made love for the first time, and then I slept in your arms, I thought it'd always be that way, and even when I knew it couldn't be, at least I'd had it once" she ended in a whisper, looking into his eyes again.

Despite the different hair and clothes, this was William standing before her. The boy she'd fallen in love with in High School, been to Prom with, agreed to marry, given her whole self to - mind, body, and soul. The fact that he'd left her didn't matter for that instant, as they stood there in that dark street, eyes solely for each other, some kind of magic making them feel like they were seventeen again and outside her house at the end of a date.

"Buffy..." her name came out in a whisper just a tiny distance from her face as Spike felt all the things she was feeling too. With the slightest of movements his lips met hers in a familiar kiss. His hand reached out of it's own accord, sliding behind her head and pulling her closer. This time she didn't push him away or scream at him, it felt too good to be kissed this way again. All the times Buffy had been close to Riley, it never felt quite the same as it had when she and William kissed.

Suddenly the blonde realised what she was doing. She wasn't seventeen and this wasn't a date, she was a betrothed woman with a future husband waiting upstairs, a man that'd never done her wrong...

Flashback

"Buffy!" Riley called as he ran across the campus to meet her.

"Hey Riley, how are you?" the blonde smiled as he came to walk with her, smiling widely. He was such a nice guy and he'd been a great friend this past year when she'd really needed some support. He knew all about William, the topic had been hard to avoid since from her first week of college Riley had been asking her out.

She'd knocked him back a couple of times but he was forever hopeful and eventually

she sat him down and told him all about her relationship with William and how she just wasn't ready for another guy right now.

"I'm okay" he told her, "but it's a little weird to know I won't be here much longer"

Riley was older than Buffy and a senior at college already. His graduation was in just two weeks and she was going to lose a friend on campus. When he'd heard the whole tale about William, Riley had asked if maybe he and Buffy could be friends instead of lovers and she'd agreed, though there was always a little more than friendship on his mind, and over time she'd come to like him a great deal too.

"I'm going to miss you being around campus" she admitted as they sat down on a bench in the summer sunshine.

"Well, we can meet up sometimes" Riley promised, "I'm still going to be in Sunnydale and the Bronze isn't going anywhere"

"Yeah" Buffy smiled, "it'd be cool for us to meet up, I've come to love your company, in fact I was thinking maybe, if you still...I wanted to..." she stumbled over what she meant to say and Riley dared to guess.

"Buffy, do wanna go on a date with me sometime?" he asked, holding his breath as he waited for an answer. The brightness of her smile nearly blinded him.

"Yes, Riley" she nodded, surprising him as she leaned forward and kissed his cheek, "I'd love to"

It was ten months since she'd been jilted by William, and Buffy had finally realised it was not the end of the world. It had hurt like hell, and she had started to think that pain would never go away. As time went on she realised the only way she was going to get over Will was to move on and get back to dating, and who better than Riley? It was clear that he really liked her, and he'd been there for her when she needed a friend. He was above-average in looks, if not so much in good sense, but he was totally date-able. Besides if it didn't work out, they'd deal. It wasn't like he was asking her to marry him...

End Flashback

"I can't" Buffy suddenly pulled away from Spike "I can't do this" she repeated, wiping her lips on the back of her hand as if it'd take back what they'd done.

"I'm sorry" he told her, neither of them sure precisely what he was apologising for. "So you said, more than once" Buffy said bitterly "It doesn't change anything" she turned to walk to the steps that led up to the front door of the apartment block, but Spike still had something to say.

"I didn't know how real it was til I saw you again but, Buffy" he called behind her "I still have feelings for you, I think I still lov-"

"Stop it, William, just stop!" she said sharply and loud enough to drown out the end of the sentence she couldn't bear to hear. She turned to look at him with a annoyed and tired expression "Up there" she told him, pointing up to her own apartments window, "there is a man that has feelings for me, real feelings of love that mean something, and in one week I'm going to marry him" she explained. Ignoring the fact Spike had opened his mouth to say something, she carried on regardless "I know he'll never let me down. I know he'll show up on our wedding day to put the ring on my finger and promise to be with me forever"

Buffy reached for the rail by the steps and turned to go up. She was halfway when she spoke again, keeping her back to her ex-fiancé.

"You coming back here makes no difference. Don't come here again. Don't call me. Don't even think about me. You obviously didn't bother before"

As she finally disappeared up the final steps and in through the door, Spike wanted to kick himself. He'd screwed up so badly and it seemed there was little or no way to put it right. In frustration he turned and kicked the wall of the building, only to yell when it felt as if he'd broken a couple of toes with the force.

Buffy's harsh words replayed over and over in his mind.

'Don't touch me!'

'I hate you William Anderson, with everything I have, I hate you'

'Did you even love me at all?'

How could she think he'd harm her or doubt how he felt for her back then? The pain in his heart hadn't been this bad since four years ago when he'd originally left. Those first few months felt like he was going to die and he hated himself for leaving, even when he was telling himself he'd done the right thing, because it would have been worse later on.

'Don't even think about me, you obviously didn't bother before'

She really didn't have a clue, he realised as he headed off down the street, making sure he memorised the route so he could come and see her again soon. Hadn't thought of her? It had taken over a year before he could even start to look at another woman Even then it had taken everything he had to convince himself it was time to let go...

Flashback

William stood by a payphone in a club on the outskirts of Vegas, one hand gripping the receiver as the fingers of the other hovered over the numbers, wondering whether or not they dared to dial. Every day William woke up with thoughts of Buffy filling his head and every night he went to sleep the same. It was eighteen months now since he'd left Sunnydale, and going back there to his favourite girl was at his precise moment very appealing, but how could he face her after what he put her through? In anger, he slammed the phone down again and reached into his pocket for a cigarette.

It was Anya's fault, the smoking. She did it when she was nervous, and she'd been very nervous the night of his first 'performance'. William had admitted to being equally worried and she'd shared a packet of fags with him. Now it was a nasty habit he just couldn't break.

He pushed his hand back through his newly bleached and highly gelled hair, making a face when he caught sight of himself in the mirrored tiles on the wall. This hair style just wasn't him. Another one of Anya's bright ideas, bright being the operative word, along with the fact that William was no name for a stripper. Spike was what he was known as now, for reasons that he'd never be able to tell his grandmother, that was for sure.

As he stood there looking at himself in the reflective surface, he saw two girls walk past behind him, eyeing his backside appreciatively, through his too tight jeans. It was ridiculous, a little voice in his head told him, a little voice that sounded distinctly like Anya. Here he was, a gorgeous young guy, in a club that was wall-to-wall easy women, and he was moping about some girl he'd left behind.

With a shake of his head, William walked away from the phone and headed to the room where he was to change into his costume. He was Spike now. He had a new name, a new look, a new life, as Buffy probably had to. Maybe it was time to stop moping, and look for a new woman too...

End Flashback

There had been several new women, Spike recalled, that month alone. They were almost always blonde and pretty, and nine times out of ten he spent the night with them. Thankfully he usually remained sober enough to be careful and if he didn't Anya reminded him on the way out of the door. The last thing she needed was for her big star to come down with something nasty, or getting the paying customers knocked up! Still, it'd been a crazy existence, and when he'd got bored of bothering with the screaming hordes he performed for every few nights, he charmed Anya instead.

Now he was back in Sunnydale and Spike was fading back into William. He didn't look like the guy he'd been in High School but he felt just as bad as when he'd seen Buffy in that wedding dress and told the cab driver to step on it towards the airport. He had to make up for what he'd done somehow, he had to see if there really was something between him and Buffy now. One thing was for sure, if there was still a chance they could be together again, he was damn well going to take it.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Hope you're all still liking this fic, please review and let me know. Your kind comments really do inspire me to write faster and more often, and it's great to find out which parts/scenes, etc. you really enjoyed.

****

For those who are also reading Innocence, I have updated that today too!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N : Thanx for the latest reviews - Mr Lennox I pressume, midnight55, Elizance, lilmisscookiemonster, gypsy-jin, Valerie, Tiffany, msberry, evilsmiley1, darkmistress013. I'm glad you all like the story, and I'm glad no-one is confused by all the flashbacks or anything. Yes, Spikey did a bad thing, but I have an inability to write anything other than Spuffy it seems, so you know it's going to end all happy ever after...trouble is, we are so far from the end it's unreal! ;-) Hope you like this new chapter!

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 7

Buffy lay in bed, alone and unable to entertain the idea of sleep. She had watched the figures on the bedside clock click over from one o'clock, to two and three, and so on. It was now almost seven and still she had not closed her eyes for more than ten minutes at a time. She kept seeing William in her minds eye, both the way he used to be and the way he was now with his new persona, Spike. With little concentration required she could hear his voice, feel him close to her, his lips on hers. She screwed her eyes tight shut and tried to push it all away, tried to concentrate on Riley and how wonderful he was, but he hadn't exactly been looking appealing when she'd seen him a few hours ago.

When she'd run up to her apartment, trying all the way to stem the flow of tears from her eyes, she'd been thinking it'd all be okay as soon as she saw her fiancé. Inside her home she'd found five men in various positions spread across her living room all seemingly drunk and asleep.

It wasn't really a surprise to Buffy that her man and his friends had already been beaten by the alcohol, they were not quite as young as they once were and were much more used to a glass of wine with a deal-closing business mans meal than copious amounts of cheap beer.

Stepping carefully around Xander and Wesley who were lying in different directions across the floor, and sneaking past Gunn and Angel in the two armchairs, Buffy then saw her own fiancé. Riley was stretched out across the couch, his face squashed into a cushion and one arm hanging over the side with a beer bottle carefully balanced by his hand, half it's contents seemed to already be soaking into the carpet.

With a tired sigh and a slightly disgusted look, Buffy had headed for the bedroom, deciding to leave the guys where they were until morning. She couldn't face dealing with a drunken Riley and his friends tonight, too much was going on in her head.

Now, here she was, hours later and still no closer to understanding how her life had got so complicated in so short a space of time. She loved Riley, she planned to marry him and the date was set for six days time, but now here was William. She'd loved him too and had her heart set on being his wife. All the arrangements had been made, they'd truly loved each other and proved it in more than one way, including the physical act, and yet it had all gone so horribly wrong. Still, now he was back, looking even more gorgeous if it were possible, saying such sweet words to her, and making her feel all kinds of things when he kissed her...

A thumping sound from the next room broke her train of thought and Buffy decided now was as good a time as any to get up. She dragged herself out of bed, quickly pulled on some clothes and headed out into the living room to investigate the noise. Riley was now sitting on the floor by the sofa rubbing the back of his head with his hand. It seemed as though he'd fallen from his sleeping place, making enough noise to wake up his friends who all lazily turned to look when Buffy appeared in the doorway.

"You guys look awful" she announced without much emotion and Angel smiled.

"If I look as bad as I feel then you might be right" he agreed, trying to stretch out the muscles in his body that had been cramped up in an armchair all night, without disturbing his aching head too much.

"Hey sweetheart" Riley greeted his fiancée as he tried to figure out if standing up would be a good plan or not, "When did you get home?"

"Early this morning" she told him, moving to collect the beer bottles and pizza boxes from the coffee table and floor. She knew talking about last night would lead to having to mention William and she just didn't want to get into it right now.

"Y'know you guys might wanna think about heading home" she told them, "I don't mean to be pushy but you can't stay here all day and certain people" she looked pointedly at Xander, "have girlfriends that'll be worried if you don't make a move soon" she smiled at his dazed expression as he tried to take in her words.

"Oh yeah" he said eventually, "Willow'll be all panicky if I don't get back soon" he realised.

"And the rest of you all have homes to go to, right?" she tapped her foot as the men all managed to stir themselves and achieve the minimum of a sitting position. Rolling her eyes, Buffy took the garbage to the kitchen and stuffed it all into plastic bags. Although Willow would worry a little about Xander being out all night, it was unlikely Darla would be fretting about Angel yet, given that she'd probably gotten more drunk last night than he had!

"I feel like I ate sandpaper last night" Riley declared as he entered the kitchen and came to stand behind his future-wife, wrapping his arms around her waist as she washed her hands at the sink.

"That's what happens when you get drunk" she smiled as he snuggled up to her back, until her mind suddenly started comparing his embrace to anothers...

"Riley would you let go, I have stuff to do" she said, wriggling free and moving across the kitchen just to get away. He frowned slightly, but said nothing. She probably wasn't too happy at having to clean up the mess him and the guys had made last night. Probably best to leave her be for now.

"I'll get the guys up and out" he told her, heading back for the living room, "then I might go for a run, try to clear my head"

"Okay" Buffy answered absently as she wiped down the worktop that was already clean.

Ten minutes later she heard the front door open and close and guessed that they'd all gone. She was alone in the apartment and with no people or sounds to distract her, her mind went racing back to that familiar topic of William and his return. Hoping that concentrating on the task at hand would help, Buffy threw herself into the cleaning and tidying required after Riley's bachelor party.

- - - - - - -

An hour later the living room was practically back to how it usually looked, except for something black sticking out of the armchair. It seemed that Wesley had left his wallet behind, presumably it had fallen out of his pocket at some point in the evening. Buffy was just thinking 'he'll probably realise as soon as he get half way home and come back for it' when there was a knock at the door.

"Talk of the devil..." she said to herself as she made for the door with a smile on her face. Her expression changed completely when she saw not her fiancés friend but her own ex.

"William" she sighed, "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked tiredly, pushing her hair back from her face.

"Buffy, I think we need to talk" he said as carefully as he could. He was perfectly ready for her to slam the door in his face at any moment, but he was pleased when she did not.

"I thought we said everything last night" she reminded him, "We were together, now we're not" she recapped "You're sorry if you hurt me, I couldn't give a damn anymore. What else is there to say?"

"A bloody lot!" he told her, a little anger edging its way into his voice. He managed to force it away and speak calmly again when he continued, "Buffy, we're not kids anymore. We're both adults and I think we should be able to sit down and talk sensibly about things" he told her, titling his head and trying to judge her own feelings from the unreadable look on her face, "You were more than my girlfriend, Buffy, you were my best friend, and I just don't want us to be enemies because I did a stupid thing years ago"

"We were never enemies" she said quietly, "We never could be, but you hurt me Will, and I can't just forget that" she told him with a slight tremble in her voice.

"I know" he nodded, "I just want us to talk, maybe find a way to be friends again, at least" he pressed, knowing in the back of his mind and more specifically in his heart that friends would never be enough. He wanted her back and he was going to have to fight like hell if he was ever going to succeed in getting her, but there was simply no way he could lose her again.

"Come in" she said finally, moving aside from the door to let him through. He smiled slightly at her and more widely to himself as he went into the living room and accepted her invitation to sit down. She joined him on the sofa, though she deliberately put a good couple of feet between them. It wasn't that she didn't trust him not to try anything, but to a certain degree she didn't trust herself. He was her first love, the first man she'd seriously kissed, and the first she'd ever slept with. Despite the fact she was now in love with Riley and set to marry him, those feelings she had for William could never truly leave her.

"So, er, who taught you the self defence stuff?" Spike asked awkwardly, not really knowing where else to begin. Buffy made a face that said she didn't understand until he lifted his chin and showed her the developing bruise she had caused when she hit him.

"Did I do that?" she gasped and he nodded that she had. She quickly removed the look of concern from her face, "Well, it's not as if you didn't deserve it" she said huffily. He didn't answer.

"It was Darla's idea that we all learn to defend ourselves, too many weirdoes around these days. She actually met her fiancé at our class, he was the teacher there" she rambled slightly, desperate to keep talking about anything else so the actual point of the two of them sitting here together was never reached. Unfortunately she was running out of things to say, and William's blue eyes boring into her in that intense way was not helping at all.

"You know Buffy" he said, finally looking away and down at his hands, "I really wish I'd've told you the truth sooner, the last thing in the world I ever wanted was to hurt you...you meant the world to me" he said sincerely, eyes coming back up to meet hers for the last part. He was smiling slightly at the pleasant memory of being in love and being loved by her and Buffy couldn't help the similar expression forming on her own face. They had been so happy together and she really thought they were for life, but he'd left her, and in the worst possible way. It hurt so much, how could she ever forgive him for that?

"It's too late for apologies and what-ifs William" she told him sadly, "I've moved on and it seems you have too. No use digging over the past again. Memories are all very nice but, too many bring pain to balance out those that bring happiness" she said, her voice disappearing towards the end. Spike guessed, and was right, that she was no longer just referring to them and their relationship, but also to another who meant so much to her and had been forced to leave.

"I heard about your Mum" he said quietly, not daring to look at her, "Joyce was a nice lady and I liked her a lot" he said honestly, "I was sorry to hear about what happened"

A lump formed in Buffy's throat preventing her from answering at all. It was over a year ago now since her mother's death and still the very thought of it made her feel terribly upset as well as alone.

Flashback

"I can't believe this is happening" Buffy sobbed, not knowing where to turn next. Riley wrapped his arms around her, whispering words of comfort as he rubbed her back soothingly.

"I know it's hard, baby" he said gently, "but we're all here for you. Me and Willow and Xander, we're going to help you through this"

It was just nine months since they'd starting dating, but already Buffy depended so much on Riley, especially now on the day of her mother's funeral.

"Why did it have to be her?" the young blonde sniffed against her boyfriends shoulder, "She was too young, and I loved her so much" she couldn't say anymore as tears overtook her again and Riley held her close.

"I don't know why, honey" he told her, not really knowing what to say, "All I know is that she's in a better place now, however hard it is to accept. She'll have gone to a good place, where there's no more pain"

It helped a little to hear his comforting words, but it didn't change the fact that Buffy had to live without one of the most important people in her life. With her father having left when she was a little girl, to live the cliché with his secretary, Buffy and Joyce had gotten so close. Now the young girl was alone, or so she felt, no matter how tightly her boyfriend held her.

End Flashback

"I should have come back when I heard" Spike shook his head feeling worse than ever "should've been here for you when you needed me" his voice disappeared as he looked over at Buffy. She looked to be in a daze, probably remembering that awful day when she'd lost Joyce and the following days and weeks trying to move on.

"I didn't need you" she suddenly snapped, her words icy cold and slicing through Spike's heart like steel "I had Willow and Xander, and Riley was so great" she explained "he did everything for me, anything that I couldn't handle alone he was by my side"

Spike swallowed down the pain, anger, and sadness he felt at being told he was less than needed in her life then or now.

"Still, I could've called, sent a card..." the guilt wasn't going to go away unless she forgave him, and it seemed she was not in good humour for that today.

"You were busy with your new life" she interrupted "Living it up as a stripper apparently" she said in a decidedly disgusted tone.

Spike looked down at his boots and sighed. He deserved her to hate him and he'd had no doubt that she would act this way, even four years on, but actually sitting here now with her being like this with him. It was killing him to realise he meant so little to her.

"I...I think I should go" he said at last, getting up but making no move towards the door, hoping against hope she might ask him not to, might give him some tiny sign that maybe one day she could at least like him again.

"Yeah, you go" she said, voice trembling but determined to be as strong as possible "it seems to be what you do best" she spat half-heartedly.

That was it, he couldn't take anymore. Without a word he made for the door and slammed it behind him as he went.

Back in the apartment, Buffy finally let her tears fall. A part of her knew she'd done the right thing - he deserved to suffer after what he did to her, but the largest part of her hated to be so cruel. He'd meant everything to her for so long, and even now when he looked at her she could still feel those glorious things he'd made her feel just four years ago.

"I'm marrying Riley" she told herself sternly, wiping the tears from her cheeks and heading back to the kitchen, "I love Riley" she added less surely than she might have before. There was no denying that deep in her heart, she still loved William too.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Review and let me know what you think please, and I'll update again as soon as I can. God it's tough keeping up with four fics! But I have also managed to update 'Innocence' tonight, for those who are interested :-)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N : I have been updating two fics at a time for a while now, but this is a slightly bigger chapter than usual so it's my only update today. Thanx so much to; Amandamanda3, R., lilmisscookiemonster, Jan, Mr Lennox I pressume, Onion Petal, Valerie, Mariana, Slayergirl1212, for all the least reviews. I know Spike is coming off as a pretty bad person but he really did love Buffy and he was just scared when he left her the way he did. Not really an excuse I know but, oh well, hopefully as the fic progresses you'll like him, and the story of course. Let's not forget he was actually evil in the Buffy-verse and Buffy loved him anyway by the end so, a little leaving at the alter must be forgiveable! lol. As to Riley, and whether he's a good guy or not, you'll have to form your own opinions as we go along.Enough rambling from me now,here's the latest chapter :-)  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 8

Buffy was on her hands and knees, scrubbing a pizza stain from the living room carpet when Riley came back into the apartment.

"There was a guy on the stairs" he frowned as he pulled off his shoes, "Bleached blond, looked kinda pissed off. He nearly knocked me down" he complained as Buffy got to her feet, the carpet stain dealt with.

"That was...Spike" she decided to be at least semi-honest as she picked up the cloth and carpet cleaner and headed for the kitchen "He, er, he's an old friend" she explained as her fiancé followed her.

"I don't remember you mentioning him before" Riley said as she kept her back to him and busied herself at the sink "and he doesn't look like the kind of guy you'd be friends with"

"He's changed some since I last saw him" she shrugged, wringing out the cloth in the sink "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I don't think he's staying in Sunnydale long, I probably won't see him again" she turned then to look at Riley and forced a smile, despite the fact that not seeing Spike again made her so unhappy.

"So, future Mrs Finn" Riley changed the subject as he walked around the counter that stood between them "What do you say we take advantage of having nowhere specific to be on this glorious Sunday morning..." he suggested, making his meaning perfectly clear as his arms slid around her waist from the back and his lips attacked her neck.

"I thought you had a hangover" Buffy wriggled uncomfortably as her future-husband ran his hands over her body. She loved him, of course she did, and usually she had no problem with him wanting her this way, but right now her mind was full of the man she used to call her fiancé, and the person he'd turned into now.

"There's more than one way to work off a hangover" the man behind her grinned as he began to work the fastening on her pants.

"No, Riley" she complained, knocking his hands away and trying to move across the room, but he followed "I have stuff to do"

When he still didn't let up she got angry and physically pushed him away. Not expecting such a violent reaction he stumbled back, frowning.

"Riley, I said no" Buffy snapped, "I'm not in the mood okay"

"Okay sweetheart" her fiancé nodded, "I'm sorry" he apologised, though he really did not understand why she was being this way. Occasionally she wasn't in the mood, and he understood that, but she'd never been quite so violent about it. Although the push she'd given him had not physically hurt, the very fact that she would feel the need to push him away did cause him pain in his heart.

"It's okay" Buffy said more quietly, feeling bad for the look she'd caused on his face "I just, I have to..." she shook her head, not knowing how to explain as she hurried to the bathroom. Locking the door, she turned to lean her back against it, before sliding down to the floor as tears poured silently down her cheeks.

She hated that she might have hurt Riley, because she truly did love him, but there was just no way she could be close to him right now, not whilst she was so confused. William had meant everything to her in High School and she'd assumed back then that their lives were to be one forever. When he'd left she'd been heartbroken to the point where she thought she'd never be happy again. Four years later, and she thought she was doing so well. She'd moved on to a new chapter of her life with Riley, burying her past, or so she thought. Now here was Spike, her very own William, only even more gorgeous and confident, but he had moved on too, hadn't he?

There was a part of Buffy that still loved him, a larger part than she'd care to admit, and when they'd kissed last night, it felt just like old times. When Riley kissed her it was wonderful but with Spike, there just weren't words for what he could do to her.

Bringing her hands up to her face, Buffy wiped away her tears, but as she moved her fingers away again, something caught the light on her left hand. There was the symbol of Riley's love for her, the diamond ring that said they were to be married, and in just six days from now. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on her future instead of her past, but one particular day and the feelings it had caused stuck out in her mind too much to be ignored.

Flashback

Buffy smiled at Willow, Xander and Riley who sat with her on the living room carpet, right in front of the Christmas tree. Next month the house was to be sold and Buffy was to move into a new apartment with her boyfriend, but the group of friends wanted to spend one last Christmas at Revello Drive.

It had been a tradition for Joyce to host the festivities, since Xander really didn't get on to well with his folks and with Willow's parents being Jewish, Christmas was not really a holiday she was supposed to want to celebrate. Since Joyce's passing earlier that year, it had been decided they should have their Christmas celebrations in her honour, before the house she and Buffy had lived in for so many years was sold on to another family.

So, here they were, the happiest of friends on Christmas morning, by the tree that, just a few moments ago, had a whole collection of brightly wrapped presents beneath it. Now the paper had been torn away and everyone had received what they most wanted and needed.

As Xander exchanged his old sweater for the new one Willow had bought him and she in turn admired the necklace he'd given her, Riley shuffled closer to Buffy who was collecting up the wrapping paper into a bag.

"Buffy, I have another gift for you" he told her with a smile. She put down the trash and sat down next to him again.

"But you already gave me my present" she frowned slightly. Xander and Willow became silent as they knew what was about to happen.

"That was nothing" he shook his head, "This is your real present" he said, producing a small box and handing it to her.

Buffy looked between her boyfriend and her best friends with suspicion as she opened up the box to see what was inside. Her suspicions had been correct she realised as a solitaire diamond ring sparkled up at her from it's place amongst the red velvet interior of the box.

"Buffy" Riley said her name much more quietly than he'd intended to, "I love you, and I was wondering, will you marry me?"

The blonde was silent for a full minute before the tears that glistened in her eyes finally fell and she breathlessly answered.

"Yes, Riley, I will" she managed a smile before he kissed her and hugged her tight. A moment later he took the ring from the box and placed it on her finger, as Willow fought joyful tears and Xander hugged her to him.

As stupid as she knew it was, Buffy thought of William as soon as she saw the ring and heard the words 'Will you marry me?'. Of course the diamond that her first love had presented her with had been much smaller and not given to her until days after the actual proposal, but it hadn't made it any the less special.

In a strange way, she felt guilty for accepting Riley's offer, knowing that the ring William had given her still resided in a box upstairs, along with the garter from her wedding day, her grandmothers brooch, a necklace from her mother for that happy day, and a few other trinkets she couldn't bear to part with no matter how much she knew she should.

As Willow moved from hugging her to hugging Riley, Buffy looked down at her hand and the new ring that rested there. Far from being Mrs Buffy Anderson as she'd dreamt so many times, she was now to be Mrs Buffy Finn.

'That'll work too' she told herself, with a half-smile.

End Flashback

"Buffy?" a voice called, that and the tapping on the bathroom door finally bringing her out of her daydream, "Are you okay, sweetheart?" Riley checked

"I'm fine" she called back with the smallest of wavers in her voice, "I'll be out in a minute" she assured him.

Pulling herself up from the floor she looked into the mirror over the sink. Turning on the faucet she wet her hands and wiped them over her face before picking up the towel from the rail and drying off.

Another look in the mirror and she decided she looked okay, no more evidence of tears or badness. As she studied her face in the mirror, she whispered to herself.

"Mrs Finn" she tried, turning her head this way and that as she repeated the name, trying to make it feel right, "Mrs Buffy Finn, Mrs Buffy Summers-Finn? Mrs Buffy...Anderson?"

- - - - - - - -

"Willow?" Xander called softly as he came into the apartment they shared. He spoke quietly because he thought perhaps his girlfriend would still be in bed, but also because his head was killing him, "Willow?" he tried again but still he got no reply. Stumbling into the bedroom, he found her seated on the bed with her back to the door.

"Hi honey, I'm home" he grinned, moving to sit down beside her. His smile disappeared when he realised she was less than happy, "Hey, what's up with my favourite girl?" he frowned suddenly, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Look at this, Xander" Willow urged, passing a photograph to him. After a second or two his eyes focused on the image and he frowned harder.

"Buffy and William's not-a-wedding" he realised, "Why are you looking at these Will? Has something happened?"

"He's back" she said simply, watching with less amusement than she might have as her boyfriends mouth opened and closed like a landed trout.

"William is back in Sunnydale?" he gaped when he was finally able to form words. Willow nodded.

"Buffy seemed so confused when she saw him" she explained, "We were at the Bronze and Cordelia had ordered a stripper for the party. He did his act and then Harmony pulled his mask off. Turns out it was Will" she told her shocked boyfriend, who suddenly burst out laughing.

"You expect me to believe that good-guy William Anderson is a stripper now?" he giggled like a kid and Willow gave him a shove.

"It's not funny, Xand" she told him somewhat sternly, "Buffy was really upset when she saw him and now I think he's muddled up her feelings again"

"But she's over him, right?" Xander shook his head, stopping abruptly when it thumped even more painfully than before, "She's marrying Riley in a week"

"Six days" Willow clarified, "But those two were so tight before, it has to change things now he's back in town"

"I guess there's only one way to know for sure" Xander shrugged, getting up from the edge of the bed and wobbling slightly on the way to the kitchen. Willow followed, curious to know what he was doing. Soon she realised as he pulled out the phone book and winced slightly as he realised he was willingly looking under the heading of Male Strippers.

"Okay, what do we have here..." he ran his finger down to page checking out all the stage names that ranged from the humorous to the downright disturbing in his own male opinion, "What am I looking for here?" he asked Willow a moment later.

"Er, I think they called him Spike" she told her boyfriend, leaning over his shoulder to see the page, "Oh look, there!" she yelled in his ear as she pointed to the right ad. Xander grimaced at her volume before picking up the receiver of the phone and dialling the number on the page.

"Hello, this Anya Jenkins speaking" said an agitated female voice on the other end of the line.

"Er, hi" Xander began somewhat nervously, "I was wondering if you could help me..."

"Are you calling for a stripper?" Anya interrupted, "because we don't supply women"

"Oh no, I want a male stripper" Xander replied without thinking, realising precisely what he'd said as Anya explained the rules about her 'artist' performing at homosexual parties.

"I don't think I'm explaining myself well" he took a deep breath and started again, "I'm an old friend of William" he told her, "The guy you call Spike?" he cringed as he said the unfamiliar name and disturbing images of where his friend might have got such a nickname shot through his alcohol fogged mind.

"Oh" Anya sounded surprised, "Well, he's not here right now" she sighed, "He didn't come back to me for sex last night, so he could be anywhere, possibly in the bed of one of the bachelorette's from last night"

"Er.." Xander was temporarily speechless as he tried to figure out what to say. Willow looked at him in confusion, having only heard his side of things, "Could you maybe give me a cellphone number for him or something?" he tried and Anya sounded annoyed but agreed.

A moment later Xander hung up the phone and handed Willow a piece of paper with the number scrawled on it.

"You can make the next call" he declared, "I need a while to recover from the last one"

As he walked away towards the bathroom, Willow stared at the paper in her hand. She really wanted to call William, in some ways she'd missed him after he'd gone away and she knew Xander did even more so, though he'd go all manly man and deny it if you asked him. Still, there should be some loyalty to Buffy in all this, the red-head thought. What William had done by running away on their wedding day was wrong and nothing was going to change that, but in the end he was still their friend and nothing could alter that either.

Resigned to calling and inviting him over, if only for a short chat to check that he was not going to cause any further trouble for Buffy, Willow picked up the phone and dialled the number, hoping her best friend would not be too mad at her when she found out.

- - - - - - - -

Spike had been walking aimlessly around Sunnydale since slamming out of Buffy's apartment a couple of hours ago. She really was an infuriating bint at times but it did not alter the fact he loved her as much now if not more than he did before.

She was just as beautiful, or possibly even more so than the faded picture he'd held in his mind these past four years. The fire was still in her eyes like he remembered and when they'd kissed last night, there'd been a certain kind of fire in that too. She was still attracted to him at least, but then that was something a great many women could boast. Still, Spike was sure it was more than that. There was no way she would have got so angry quite so easily, not after so long, if he didn't still have some kind of effect on her. He'd been so mad at her when she'd told him that leaving was what he did best, but his resolve to leave town and never come back had softened as he'd walked around the place and found too many memories that he almost couldn't bear it.

The Sun Cinema where he'd taken Buffy on their first date, the Espresso Pump where they'd had their first real kiss, her old house and his, where they'd spent so many happy times, and the High School where he'd first laid eyes on her...

Flashback

September 1996, and the new freshman class at Sunnydale High were filing into the building, all nervously looking around for their friends from Junior High and feeling so grown up suddenly. All expect one boy.

Not only was he new to the high school but also to the town and the country. William Anderson, his father and his sister had moved to Sunnydale, California from London, England just a month ago, but as yet he had not really made any friends. Now, his Dad had told him, he had a chance to, as he mingled in the corridors with a hundred other girls and boys of his age. He remembered his words but simply couldn't find the confidence to actually speak to anyone. They all seemed to have friends already and he felt uncomfortable about just barging in on their conversations. Instead he was trying to find the correct classroom, but this was also proving less than easy. Taking a chance he walked in through the very next door he came to, only to find he'd stumbled across the library.

"Hi" a small voice greeted him from the table in the centre of the room, "Are you lost?" the red-head girl asked him.

"Possibly, yes" William managed a smile, "I feel like one of those rats in a lab, trapped in one of those stupid mazes" he explained rather badly, but the red-headed girl seemed to find it amusing as did her blonde friend who had just come into view.

"You don't look like a rat" the blonde declared, her eyes moving all over him. He didn't really notice as he drank her in too. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life, and it seemed she rather approved of him too.

"I'm Buffy" she introduced herself, holding out a hand which he reached for as he gave his full name.

"Well, William Anderson" she smiled, "This is Willow, and as I think you can guess this is a library" she laughed lightly as she gathered up a couple of books and Willow did the same, "My uncle's the librarian so we've come here to study before, kinda know our way around" she smiled, "You want us to walk you to your next class?" she offered.

"If it's no trouble" he nodded.

"No problem" Buffy assured him, "We have to find our other friend Xander anyway" she shrugged, heading out the door with Willow, "So if you wanna follow me..." she waited for him to do just that and he smiled as he stepped through the crowds behind her.

"Anywhere" he replied, though she didn't hear him

End Flashback

All he'd wanted to do was be with that girl, and after a few months of getting to know each other as friends he'd finally asked her out. They'd dated from then until the Prom, declaring themselves to be in love and wanting to get married, and that was where the fairytale ended.

Spike closed his eyes and winced at the memory. He knew he'd hurt her, he'd hurt himself too, and now he just wanted, even needed, to find a way to put things right. His life needed putting back on track, he'd known that for a while now. Sunnydale was the only place that was going to happen and only if Buffy was there at his side. Just as he was planning the best way to seduce Buffy Summers (it shouldn't be too difficult, he had women practically falling at his feet every night these days) the cellphone in his pocket rang into life.

'Unknown caller' flashed on the screen and he frowned as he accepted the call and put the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"William, it's Willow" said the familiar voice, "I think you, me and Xander should have a little talk..."

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Any and all reviews will be greatly appreciated, as always. More coming soon :-)


	9. Chapter 9

A/N : Ultra is a bad girl for not updating her fics for so long. She is very sorry and hopes you will all forgive her. She has also just realised that she's talking in the third person and everyone probably thinks she's insane now...hmm, anyway, big thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter of this fic - Amandamanda3, msberry, faith95, evilsmiley1, Mr Lennox I pressume, sheilamarie - I really hope I didn't put anyone off reading by taking so long to update. Here's the new chapter...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 9

Spike was only moderately surprised when Willow gave him her address and told him it was her and Xander's apartment. He'd always thought there was something more than a close friendship between the two of them, or at least there could be if they just admitted they liked each other that way. Now here they were, four years since he'd last seen them and apparently as in love as anyone ever could be. Spike was happy for them, really he was, but their relationship only served to remind him what he'd thrown away with Buffy.

It was strange, Spike thought, but as he stood outside the door of his old best friends' apartment he felt quite nervous. He'd run out on Buffy and that was bad enough, but he'd also let down two good friends on the day of his non-wedding. He had to face them now and whilst he was pleased to be seeing them again he worried how they would treat him now, especially Xander. The two young men had almost been like brothers and Spike had missed him, and also Willow, immensely while he'd been away.

With a deep breath Spike knocked on the door and it was Xander who answered it.

"Hello, mate" the bleached blond attempted a smile, but his friend did not, even though he had missed him these past four years.

"Hi" Xander said sharply, "Guess you should come in"

"Hey, Red" Spike greeted Willow who replied with a slight smile before the three moved to sit down in the living room. The couple sharing the couch whilst Spike took an arm-chair opposite.

"Nice place" he said casually. He didn't care much for the decor but the awkward silence was really getting to him.

Xander thought he was trying to avoid the real subject they wanted to talk about and jumped straight in with both feet.

"Why'd you come back here, Will?" he said, almost nastily. The last thing he wanted to see was Buffy get hurt by this guy. William had been his best friend, but now he was Spike. Four years away changed a person, and Xander wasn't totally sure yet whether he liked William version two very much.

"I didn't come back here, not the way you mean" Spike shook his head "I had a gig here, that was all" he explained, "I'm supposed to be in LA tomorrow"

"You're leaving again?" Willow's eyes went wide as she gasped "Tomorrow?"

"I dunno" Spike shrugged, "Anya went off her bleedin' bird when I talked to her about last night. Came this close to jackin' my job in, told her to find some other pratt to be her 'star'" he rolled his eyes as he air-quoted, "but staying in Sunnydale, I dunno about that" he admitted.

Just half an hour ago he'd quite decided to stay and try to work things out with Buffy and his friends too, but since then he'd gone back and forth between staying and going for various reasons so many times he was making himself dizzy.

"So that's it, huh?" Xander snapped "You breeze into town, do the apologies thing and then breeze right out again?"

"What else do you suggest I do, Xand?" Spike sighed tiredly.

If someone else could tell him what to do instead of him having to make the decision it'd be so much easier.

"Well, that all depends" the brunette said more calmly, realising as he looked at Spike and watched his nervous movements that it was still William underneath all the leather and bleach "How do you feel about Buffy these days?" he asked him.

"What do you mean?" Spike checked, knowing precisely what his friend meant but stalling for time as he tried to put a decent answer into words.

"Do you still love her?" Willow translated into the simplest of terms so that he couldn't avoid answering, or so she thought.

"What kind of question is that?" Spike snapped back, and the red-head sighed.

"A valid one" she told him, exasperated by his apparent ignorance, "Spike, don't you understand why Buffy was so upset when she saw you last night? It's because she still has feelings for you"

"Er, in case you hadn't noticed, luv" Spike told her "Buffy's marrying some ponce by the name of Riley bleedin' Finn, in less than one week" he ended bitterly, looking away from his friends.

"Riley is not a ponce" Xander told him, a little surprised to hear any kind of derogatory term come from the mouth of his former good-guy best friend "He's a decent guy" he went on to explain "and we were happy to see him and Buffy get together after you left, but we always knew he was second best for the Buffster"

Spike looked a little surprised by that and he glanced at Willow who nodded her agreement with her boyfriends statement.

"Deep down I think she was always waiting for you to come back" she told him solemnly, and for once Spike seemed lost for words.

"So the question stands" Xander broke the short silence "Do you still love her?"

"I dunno what to tell you" he said quietly, knowing if he really confronted his remaining feelings for Buffy, he was going to have to admit just how much he still loved her. If he said it out loud it made it too true, too real. If she was marrying someone else surely it'd be best to try to forget what he felt for her?

"I loved that girl with my heart, my soul, my everything I had" he continued at length "but I couldn't do what she was asking" he explained "I wanted to be with her but the idea of being married before I was even nineteen...not a lot of things scared me but that did" he admitted "being tied down, expected to be responsible and all" he shook his head, looking down at his hands, "Maybe I did a stupid thing, maybe it was the right thing but the wrong way, I dunno, and believe me I've spent enough soddin' time trying to figure it" he sighed "I thought I could get over her, thought I bloody had, but one thing I'm sure of is that I'm still in love with Buffy Summers and I always will be, because the honest truth is, I don't know how to stop" he concluded, glancing up at his friends. Willow actually had tears in her eyes just from listening to the words he'd spoken.

"Then tell her" she choked out, knowing that anything other than total honesty would be unfair to all concerned.

"I did" Spike told her, with a smirk "Got a smack in the face for my trouble. Bint's got a hell of a right hook on her" he smiled, absently rubbing his chin where Buffy had struck him before. The smile fell from his face and he looked away from Willow and Xander when he continued "She hates me for leaving and I can't really blame her, doubt you two are my biggest fans either after what I did"

"I'm not saying I loved the way you did it" Xander sighed, claiming the other man's attention once again "but when I thought about it afterwards, I did kind of understand"

"Me too" Willow nodded her agreement and Spike smiled slightly.

"Missed you two as well y'know" he admitted "not just Buffy"

"We missed you too" the red-head was so close to tears as she stood and pulled her old friend up with her, hugging him tight.

When they parted, both looked at Xander who rose from his seat and shifted awkwardly.

"We don't have to hug do we?" he asked Spike who tilted his head thoughtfully.

"Manly hand-shake?" he suggested, holding out a hand to the friend he was so glad to have back in his life.

"Cool" Xander nodded, smiling as he took the offered hand and shook it firmly.

"So you'll stay?" Willow said quickly, looking hopeful "Talk to Buffy again?"

"I'll stay a while" Spike conceded, knowing it'd be too hard to walk out on these people again, most especially Buffy, "We'll see what happens though" he added, also knowing that if the worst happened and the woman he loved still went through with her wedding to that git Finn, there was no way he could stay to see it happened.

- - - - - - -

Buffy shifted uncomfortably on the couch next to her fiancé. After the incident in the kitchen and her running off to the bathroom like a moody teen, she'd apologised to Riley who had instantly forgiven her, saying he knew she was probably just worried about the wedding and probably also tired from not getting enough sleep last night. Buffy had just agreed with him, not willing to tell him the real reason that his hands on her body made her want to run away.

It was now a few hours later. Lunch had been prepared and consumed, and the couple were relaxing in front of the TV, at least Riley was relaxing. Buffy just couldn't find a way to be comfortable sharing space with him like this right now, and she hated herself for it. It wasn't Riley's fault that William, or should that be Spike, had turned up in town again last night. It wasn't his fault that she'd got so upset or that she and William had kissed. It wasn't his fault that one kiss last night had given her such a thrill that she'd suddenly realised what she felt for Riley would never be as strong as that she'd once felt for her ex.

Of course the big question that remained, twirling in Buffy's head til it made her feel nauseous, was this; did she still feel all those things for William that she once did? This is what she was trying to answer, whilst pretending to be watching something on TV with cowboys and shooting that Riley's eyes were glued to.

What Buffy really needed to do was talk to Willow but part of her thought it must be easier to just forget what had happened and get on with her life. Spike would probably leave town just as fast as he came back, he may even have left already, so there was little point in her thinking about him, but she couldn't stop.

Riley's arm shifted behind her, pulling her closer to him, his fingers playing with her hair where it rested on her shoulder. Buffy tried to shift away without being too obvious but he didn't seem to notice, and she had very little space to move into that wasn't closer to Riley.

"Er, I have to go out" she said suddenly, practically leaping up from the couch. Her fiancé's eyes finally left the TV screen and focused on her.

"Right now?" he frowned, wondering what could be so important suddenly.

"We need...stuff" Buffy said vaguely, "from the grocery store, I was just thinking how there's things we need and y'know I'm really not into these kind of movies" she rambled, "I'll just run out to the store, I won't be long"

"You want me to come with you?" Riley checked but Buffy shook her head violently.

"No, no, you watch your movie" she smiled, fetching her jacket and her purse, "I won't be long" she repeated as she leant over the couch and gave her fiancé a peck on the lips, before hurrying out the front door.

When she reached the other side she sighed with relief at the success of her escape. The fact was she wasn't really sure what they might need from the store, but she had to talk to Willow. She and Xander were the only people who would really understand what was happening in her head right now. They'd known William as long as she had and had been there from their first date to their not-a-wedding. Right now, Buffy needed her best friends help if she was ever going to put a certain person out of her mind and move on...

"Oh, sorry" Buffy apologised as she walked right into a man coming in the opposite direction down the street. She'd been so lost in thought she'd hadn't seen him.

"Well, luv" said an all too familiar voice, and she glanced up into bright blue eyes she knew very well "here's a coincidence" Spike smirked, "I was just on my way to see you too"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Here is my second apology, this one for the semi-cliffhanger. I am going to try to update more regularly now though so hopefully it will not be long before you get the next chapter of this. In th mean time I could really use some reviews to get me back into the writing flow, so please let me know what you think of this - thanks in advance!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N : Woohoo! I now have 100 stories (some are poems) posted on this site. Not all of them are finished, of course, and that includes this one, but it was so cool to see a big number like that on my list! I really loved writing this chapter, both the present stuff and the flashbacks to the past, so I really hope you all like it too. Thanx to the latest reviewers; LiLi, Slayergirl1212, RoleModelGirlie, spikes-slayer29590, wicked-angel3, sheilamarie, Anyanka0705, candypir, Amandamanda3 - you're all very kind with your nice comments. Here;s the next chapter...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 10

"Well, luv" said an all too familiar voice, and Buffy glanced up into bright blue eyes she knew very well "Here's a coincidence" Spike smirked, "I was just on my way to see you too"

"I am not your 'luv' anymore" Buffy snapped, moving to step around him, "and I was not, in any way, coming to see you"

"Buffy!" Spike called behind her as she made to storm away, "I just want to talk to you"

She stopped walking and sighed heavily before turning to face him, though she made no move to walk back towards him.

"Well I don't want to talk to you" she told him firmly, "Just go away, please" she almost begged, though she knew in some ways she didn't want him to go at all. She wanted him to hold her and kiss her and take her back in time to their wedding and stay this time round.

"Can't do that, pet" she heard him say through her daydream, snapping her out of it fast. Had she said all that out loud?

"Huh?" she frowned and Spike tilted his head thoughtfully, wondering what had confused her so much.

"I can't leave, Buffy" he repeated, "Not just like that, not until we've at least talked about...all this" he made a vague gesture between them with his arm and Buffy looked like she was thinking about something very complicated before she turned away again.

"There is no 'all this'_ Spike_" she said bitterly, the over-emphasis of his new name was not lost on him either "There's nothing between us anymore"

"There's history at a minimum" he insisted, giving chase and catching hold of her arm at the elbow "and there could be civility even now" he said more softly "I don't want you for an enemy, Buffy"

She glanced between his fingers around her arm and his unwavering gaze, feeling as if one, the other, or both were trying to burn her into ashes.

"I'm not your enemy" she said too quietly, wondering where her strong voice had gone "and you were never mine either" she assured him, knowing it was true.

Whilst she could try to hate him for how he hurt her she could never quite pull it off. She'd just loved him far too much for that.

Buffy gently pulled her arm from Spike's grasp though her eyes still hadn't left his. It was as if he'd hypnotised her somehow.

"Can't we find a way to move on" he asked her "maybe be friends? I'm going to be hanging around here, for a little while at least. I can't stand it if I have to avoid you all the time" he said sincerely and Buffy didn't have it in her to keep fighting with him, it just seemed so pointless now.

"Friends, huh?" she considered, a slight smile playing on her lips as she nodded gently, "I guess we could do that"

Spike's face lit up like a lantern as he grinned at her. He was making progress and that was all he needed right now.

"So, you'll have coffee with me," he pressed, wondering how far he could push before she'd run "as friends?" he clarified "I thought I saw the Espresso Pump was open"

Buffy glanced back the way she'd come and then off in the original direction she'd been headed. The coffee shop was just a few feet out of her way and it was just a drink with an old friend, though 'friend' was a little tame when one considered all they'd meant to each other.

"I don't know, Will, I..." she faltered and he interrupted.

"Come on, for old times sake" he was almost begging, most especially with his expressive blue eyes "Please?" he added, looking at her hopefully and in that moment, Buffy saw William not this new Spike person looking down at her .

"Okay" she nodded once and Spike grinned all over his face again as they set off towards the Espresso Pump.

Of all the places they could go, Buffy knew only too well the significance of this one. They had a table that was always theirs, and she was almost certain William remembered as well as she did two specific occasions when they'd spent time together there.

They went in and sat at that table without saying a word about it. A waitress came over, eyeing Spike appreciatively, as any straight woman with eyes would.

"What can I get for you?" she asked, something more than coffee very much implied by her body language and way she spoke. Buffy almost felt offended, even though she knew it was ridiculous. It wasn't as if this was a date or anything, but the waitress didn't know that so she had no right making eyes at a taken man.

"Er, plain black and ordinary for me, luv" Spike gave is order to the girl. When Buffy didn't choose something herself he continued on her behalf "and for my lady, a half-caff cappuccino, one sugar, extra whip and some of that chocolate stuff on top" he smirked as the girl scribbled down what he said and walked away.

"How did you...?" Buffy looked totally bemused as she realised what had just happened. The smug smile on Spike's face refused to budge as he looked over at her.

"I remember everything you like, pet" he told her with a distinctly suggestive look that made Buffy blush. She ducked her head and glanced away, catching sight of a young man at the next table. In his hand he held a single rose and it almost looked like he was talking to himself, maybe practising a speech. Buffy smiled at a memory that rushed to the surface of her mind, not realising that Spike was thinking the exact same thing she was.

Flashback

Buffy Summers, age sixteen and a half, stood outside the Espresso Pump coffee shop, checking her hair in the window. Just a few feet away on the other side of the glass sat one of her best friends, his back to the front of the shop so he couldn't see she was already there.

William had become firm friends with not just Buffy but Willow and Xander too, all on their first day at Sunnydale High School. Now some time later, he had found the courage to ask Buffy out on a date and that was what this meeting was all about.

She wasn't supposed to know, but Will couldn't help himself and had told Xander. The boy kept nothing from Willow and the red-head had caved and told Buffy of William's plan when the blonde asked too many questions regarding why Will and Xand would not be at the Espresso Pump today. They usually all met there at some point after school and at weekends but today a big deal had been made of it just being Buffy and William.

In truth, the girl was glad to know Will wanted to date her. She liked him a lot and he was more than averagely attractive. With Willow and Xander having known each other much longer than the other two members of the foursome, it made sense that Buffy and William would become closer, though there was more to it than that.

"Hey Will" Buffy smiled as she finally plucked up the courage to go inside and face him.

"Buffy, hello" it seemed to take him a lot of effort to get the simple words out and he felt ridiculous for being so nervous, but Buffy mattered a great deal to him. He wanted to be closer to her, as her boyfriend he had come to realise, and today he was going to ask her out on a date.

"It's so weird that Will and Xander didn't want to come hang with us today" the blonde girl sighed, hoping it might help William get over his nerves and just ask her out already!

"Ah, yes, well" he stammered, "I actually asked them to...I wanted to be alone with you, Buffy, to ask you something" he admitted, glancing up from the table to meet her eyes. Her smile almost blinded him as it always did, but it gave him confidence to go on with what he was saying.

"I like you a lot Buffy" he said sincerely "I hope you know that"

"Sure" she agreed "I like you too"

"So I was wondering if, perhaps, you might like to go out with me sometime?" he asked carefully "Just us, like a date?" he clarified, before she had a chance to misunderstand. Buffy felt ridiculous but she could not stop smiling when she answered him.

"I'd love to, William" she told him honestly and he looked so surprised she almost laughed.

"You would?" he checked, unable to believe it could be so simple.

Buffy nodded, putting a hand to his arm.

"I've been waiting for you to ask for long enough"

They both grinned like idiots as they arranged where they would go and on what night. William had taken so long to ask her and he was so relieved she'd said yes. Buffy was just elated to be given the chance to accept.

End Flashback

"This place holds a lot of memories" said Buffy as she came out of her daydream. She didn't really even mean to say it out loud but it was too late now. Spike knew she was right but he also had a plan. He wanted her to recall the events that he did, remember it so vividly that she missed the feelings she had then and wanted them back, wanted him back like he wanted her.

"Memories, eh?" he said as their coffee was put down in front of them and he winked at the waitress as she walked away again "Like what?" he asked Buffy.

"Don't pretend you don't know" she shook her head. Despite the amount of time he'd been gone and all that he'd done, there was simply no way William had forgotten the day he asked her on their first date, or their first kiss that occurred after that date.

"I remember..." Spike considered, before reaching out a hand across the table. His fingertips ran through the edge of Buffy's hair and she shivered involuntarily "these" he concluded, and she realised his fingers were now behind her ear "Didn't I buy them for you?" he checked, knowing that he definitely had, but quite surprised to see them. It was only just then he'd noticed she was wearing them.

"Er" Buffy frowned slightly as she put her hand where his had been and checked which earrings she was wearing "Yeah, I think you did buy these for me" she nodded, astonished by the realisation. She was sure she hadn't even taken them from her jewellery box since he'd left four years ago and yet subconsciously she'd put them on today.

"I got them for your birthday" Spike recalled, smirking as he sipped his coffee and remembered something very clearly "I seem to remember enjoying your seventeeth birthday party almost as much as you did" he told her as she met his gaze. Oh yes, she remembered that very well too.

Flashback

"Happy Birthday, Buffy" William smiled as they stood on the back porch of her house, and he handed her a small, neatly wrapped gift.

Buffy tore of the paper and carefully opened the box inside. She gasped, her hand covering her mouth a she realised what she held in her hand.

"You remembered" she said breathlessly, staring down at a pair of beautiful earrings, set with fairly large amethysts (her birthstone) and a tiny diamond each.

She'd originally spotted them as she and William walked past the jewellery store window months ago but surmised that, whilst they were exquisite she'd never be able to afford them. As ridiculous as it was she'd almost got tearful when two weeks later they'd disappeared from the window.

"I made a deal with Mr Brown at the store" William told her as he watched her take out the earrings she was wearing and put in the new ones, "I got a deposit together for them and he said he'd keep them to one side whilst I saved...took me bloody ages" he complained good-naturedly and Buffy smiled as she went into his arms.

"What do you think?" she asked, pushing her hair away so he could see.

"Beautiful" he told her, hardly glancing at the earrings as his eyes met hers, "Just beautiful" he repeated.

"Thankyou so much" Buffy just managed to say before his lips came down on hers, silencing her in the most beautiful of ways. If only everyday could be like this.

End Flashback

"You alright, pet?" Spike smirked as Buffy's eyes seemed to glaze over, memories taking over from reality for a moment, "You look a little flushed" he noted, hardly able to keep the smile from his face.

Buffy studied him as he drank his coffee. He was enjoying her discomfort too much, and wasn't it him that had chosen to come to the Espresso Pump, who'd chosen their old table to sit at, who'd mentioned the earrings he'd bought her. He was doing it all on purpose to make her remember better times with him, times when she loved him more than anyone else in the world. He thought he could fool her, trick her into being his easy lay for tonight? Buffy smiled to herself as she downed the last of her coffee. This was war.

"Buffy?" Spike looked at her strangely, a little worried by the odd expression on her face and the fact she hadn't spoken at all for the past couple of minutes.

"You don't remember what happened in this place?" she asked him, "At this table, with you and me?"

He looked thoughtful but didn't say anything.

"You need a reminder?" she asked, moving her stool around the table so they were much closer together.

"Maybe" Spike smirked, wondering where all this had suddenly come from, but enjoying it immensely as Buffy crossed her legs making her skirt ride up an inch or two.

"We came here after our first date" she recalled, leaning close to him "We sat at this table and talked about the movie for a while, then I told you what a great time I was having, and you said you were too"

"Then what happened?" Spike prompted, already knowing but wanting her to tell it her way.

"Hmm" she looked thoughtful before continuing, "You put your hand over mine on the table" she said, re-enacting the moment in opposite by reaching out to put her had on his "You looked into my eyes and you told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world" she reminded him, leaning in closer and holding his gaze, her voice deliberately too soft "You said you wished you'd had the courage to ask me out sooner, and I said I wished you had too and then..." she whispered, her lips impossibly close to his.

"And then?" he echoed just as softly, eyes trained on her lips coming towards his.

"And then..." she repeated as he watched a smile spread across those lips of hers "I don't remember anymore" she said sitting back up straight, the movement so quick that Spike almost fell forwards off his chair.

"You, what?" he looked dazed, shaking his head as if to clear some kind of fog.

"You think you're so smart, don't you?" Buffy smiled painfully as she got up from the stool and grabbed her purse "Make me remember stuff that happened between us, hoping maybe it'll get you somewhere now" she snapped "hoping to get another Buffy-notch on your bed-post" her voice rose in volume and octave towards the end of her sentence and Spike shook his head.

"But I didn't..."

"It's not going to happen, _Spike_" she interrupted, again emphasising his nick-name, as she stormed towards the door. She paused there and turned back, sadness replacing previous anger in a flash.

"You're not the man I fell in love with back then" she told him with a slow shake of her head "William's gone, and I wish you were too"

With that Buffy left, the door slamming shut behind her and making a couple of other patrons of the shop almost spill their mocha lattes down their shirts.

Spike slammed a fist on the table in anger before turning his eyes heavenward and sighing heavily.

"Oh, bloody hell"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much I enjoyed writing it! Please let me know your thoughts about it in the usual way (it's the little blue button down there if you weren't sure!) and I'll update again as soon as I can.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N : Slayergirl1212, RoleModelGirlie, wicked-angel3, sheilamarie, spikes-slayer29590, AnononA, Demonica Mills, gypsy-jin, jEnNiFeR - thanx to all of you for the great reviews. I loved writing the previous chapter and am really glad you all liked it so much. Here's the next part..._  
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 11

Buffy crossed over the street from the Espresso Pump, tears finding their way down her cheeks out of both anger and grief. She'd loved William more than life itself but what he was now...she wanted to hate him, but she was still attracted to him and that made her so angry at herself and at him.

When she was playing him, controlling the situation between them, it was fun and she really enjoyed herself, but what disturbed Buffy was how not in control she really was. When she was leaning into him that way, lips almost touching his, it had taken every shred of willpower she had to pull away and tell him to leave her alone. A large part of her longed to feel his lips on hers again, his hands on her body, making her feel things that no-one else could ever make her feel. Still her good sense over-ruled any other emotions and reminded her what Will had done to her, how he'd left on their wedding day and not even called her for the following four years.

Buffy had moved on, she was happy, she didn't want or need William Anderson back in her life. She was marrying Riley in six days and she was going to get a happy ever after ending like she deserved. At least that was the plan. Now everything was less clear and Buffy realised that talk she was going to have, originally with Willow, had become very relevant again. She set off in the direction of her best friends' apartment and the red-head was pleased to see her.

"Will, I can't take this much longer" Buffy shook her head, as she stormed past her friend and into the apartment.

"Come in" Willow said, a little sarcastically since the blonde was actually already in the room. Buffy didn't seem to notice.

"It's William! He's just...I can't even...My God Will, it's just impossible with him here" she rambled mostly incoherently, before dropping down into the armchair completey defeated.

Willow sighed, thinking how strange it was that where once William had sat declaring love for Buffy, now it was the other way round and with the opposite emotions at this point in time.

"Hey Buff" Xander yawned as he appeared from the bedroom, "Y'know you got a big voice for a little woman" he smiled slightly and her face went red as Willow's hair.

"I'm sorry Xand, I didn't mean to wake you" she apologised and he nodded as he came further into the room and shared the couch with his girlfriend, just as he had a couple of hours ago to talk to William.

"No problem" he assured her.

"That's just it, I have a big problem" Buffy sighed tiredly, "And apparently he's called Spike now"

"What did he do" Willow wondered if all this was her fault for encouraging William to talk things over with his ex, but that wasn't long ago so exactly how much talking could they have done for Buffy to get this upset?

"He took me to the Espresso Pump" she explained, "He got me all reminiscey about stuff and he was trying to...you know" she said uncomfortably and Xander shared a look with Willow.

"Buff, why were you at the coffee shop with him" he said, trying not to smile too much. There was no way she'd be so frustrated by Spike's behaviour if she didn't like him a whole lot.

"Er, because he asked me" Buffy told him like he was deficient in some way, "He said he wanted us to get along and I figured it's better than the arguing so I went for coffee"

"So you don't hate him" Willow checked. Buffy looked away.

"I could never hate him, Will" she said sadly, "Even when he left I couldn't really...when you love someone that much, those feelings can't just go poof and disappear" she ran her hands over her face in exasperation before exploding with an angry sound.

"Why is he doing this to me" she complained loudly, "I mean, why now? Why six days before my wedding to Riley" she wanted to know, though she wasn't waiting for actual answers to any of her questions, "I mean if he'd come back before I got together with Riley or after we broke up or something, I might've..."

"Woah, woah, woah" Xander interrupted, suddenly very awake, "Rewind for a second there, and freeze-frame" he told his friend, "_After_ you broke up with Riley" he echoed, "You said it like a when not an if"

"So?" Buffy shrugged, hoping to pass it off as nothing, but she knew it was something.

Basic psychology courses covered Freudian slips and that seemed to be precisely what this was, she only hoped her friends wouldn't make a big deal. It was true though, she knew it. If Riley was not in her life, she'd probably forgive William in time and get back with him, however stupid it might seem to others.

As she glanced between her friends faces she saw the look Willow gave Xander to make him let it go, she loved the red-head for that.

"Buffy, don't go all crazy-shouty on me again" Willow said cautiously, "but are you sure you still wanna marry Riley"

"Of course I do, I love him" was the blonde's instant reaction, but it came too fast and too flat like she'd been planning to say it, rehearsed it til it was perfect. She sighed.

"Riley is just so solid" she went on to say, "I know he'll never cause me heart-ache. I'm not changing my whole life around just to put William Anderson back in it" she said firmly, "He left me and we both moved on. We can't go back to how it was"

Though both Willow and Xander would love to have given their opinion on the subject, they both knew better than to try. When Buffy made her mind up it was not always certain it'd stay made up, but no outside influence would make a difference. Only she could change her own mind, everyone else's attempts were futile, to the point where she would actually do the complete opposite to what you advised, just to prove she could.

"I should go" Buffy said into the silence, feeling better for having vented but still wishing the odd and awkward situation she found herself in was over"I told Riley I was just going to the store for a few things, that was over an hour ago" she realised a she checked her watch.

After making her swear she was truly okay, Willow allowed her friend to leave. She worried about her immensely, and whilst Buffy appreciated it, she didn't like to cause panic for her best friend. What was there really to panic about, since Buffy had now quite made up her mind that she would not be affected by William's return to Sunnydale. It was unlikely it was permanent in any case.

"Oh penis" the unlikely curse word was loud and harsh in the generally peaceful surroundings of the small town on a Sunday afternoon.

Buffy spotted the woman who was still cursing as she knelt down on the pavement and attempted to pull the stiletto heel on her shoe from the grate over a drain. She'd been in that position herself before, it was not at all fun.

"Hey, you want some help with that" she said as she approached the other blonde.

"Oh, yes, thankyou" came the reply as the woman got to her feet again, "I was trying to see if the ridiculous bus was coming and I got stuck" she explained.

"Happens to us all" Buffy smiled as she expertly twisted and pulled til the shoe was free, "There you go" she said as she handed it back to it's owner.

"Thanks, er..." she paused, waiting for the helpful girl to fill in her name.

"Oh, I'm Buffy" she smiled, shaking hands, "and you're welcome"

"You're Buffy" the woman smiled strangely as she forced her shoe back on her foot and stood straight again, "Huh"

"What, huh?" Buffy looked confused, which would probably be because she was, "Do I know you?" she checked, feeling pretty certain she would remember this woman had she ever met her before.

"I'm Anya" the other woman explained, "but you wouldn't know me. We have someone in common though, my star performer has left me to pursue you"

Buffy's mouth dropped open in shock, her jaw moving up and down without sound til she resembled a landed fish of some kind.

"Your star...to pursue...oh God" she semi-rambled when her vocal chords began to work again.

"Spike no longer works for me" Anya said slowly, as if explaining to a small child, "He wants to stay here and probably have sex with you"

"What?" Buffy gasped in even more shock than she previously had been.

"I know, it's insane" Anya waved her arm in an emphatic gesture, agreeing with what she thought Buffy meant, "I mean, these past three years working for me, we've travelled all over, he's had more women than you could count, I don't see why he suddenly thinks he has to stop"

Buffy really had no idea what to say to that, but Anya wasn't done yet anyway.

"Of course he got bored of waking up unsure of his location and it was too much like hard work to be careful I guess, so he started giving orgasms to only me a few months ago"

"You and Spike were..." Buffy found a few words could be forced out of her mouth but the sentence soon disappeared. She just could not believe what she was hearing.

"Sex partners" Anya filled in, "Yes, we were...apparently not anymore though" she added almost bitterly, making Buffy frown.

"Were you in love" she asked, not really sure why she wanted to know, it was really none of her business but curiosity got the better of her.

"Oh no" the outspoken blonde shrugged, "Although he does give very good orgasms, I'll miss that. I don't think love is a very sensible or profitable way to spend time" she shook her head, "and anyway, Spike only ever loved you"

"He did once" Buffy said sadly, "but now..."

"Even now" Anya interrupted, "Just a couple of weeks ago he called your name when we were together...he pretends it's something else but I know it isn't. He did it in his sleep too" she admitted.

Buffy was just trying to think of something to say when the bus Anya had been waiting for appeared. She felt she ought to apologise or something but how could she be held responsible for William's feelings for her?

"This is me" Anya nodded towards the large vehicle that approached, gathering up her large bags and suitcase, "Have a nice life, Buffy. I wish you a man that will give you lots of money and good sex" she smiled as she climbed up onto the bus.

A moment later it pulled away and Buffy watched it disappear around the next corner.

-

"Hey sweetheart" Riley smiled as his fiancée came in through the front door, "You get everything you need" he checked, not bothering to move from the couch and one eye still on the TV.

"Er, yeah" Buffy nodded absently as she went into the kitchen to put away the few groceries she'd bought. She'd gone to the store after standing for several minutes by the bus stop, replaying her conversation with the strange woman called Anya in her head.

It seemed Spike really was a long way from being William. He'd slept with more women than it was possible to keep a count of. He'd used Anya terribly, though it seemed to Buffy that the woman didn't care so long as she got her 'pleasures' regularly. The man that gave them to her seemed to be irrelevant.

"You were gone a long time" Riley said from the kitchen doorway where he'd come to lean, "I almost sent out a search party"

"I got talking" Buffy snapped a little too harshly, "Is that a crime now"

"Of course not" Riley said carefully, as he watched his fiancee put the groceries away, slamming a cupboard door as she did so. He walked around the counter and stood behind her, rubbing her shoulders with his hands.

"I don't like you getting all stressed out over the wedding Buffy" he wrongly assumed that was her problem, but she shrugged him off, not even bothering to answer as she put away the rest of the items from the plastic bags she'd brought home.

With a sigh, Riley slipped back into the living room to watch football, hoping Buffy would have calmed down by the time it was over.

-

In his room at the local hotel, Spike leant back in his chair and re-read the note Anya had left for him.

'Spike, Your services as a performer or an orgasm-buddy are no longer required' it said, 'Have fun in Sunnyhell, hopefully we won't be seeing each other again. Anya'

She had a way with words did his former boss, Spike smirked, but he had sort of liked her in some ways. In others he hated her for what she'd done to him, what she'd helped him to become. Buffy had made one point in that coffee shop that was true enough, he wasn't the same man that left town four years ago. The thing that did remain the same though were his feelings for the blonde he'd left behind, and that he planned to do something about.

Spike pulled a cigarette from the packet on the table, placed it in his mouth and lit it. He left the lighter burning as he got hold of Anya's note once again. Holding the flame to the corner he watched the small piece of paper get consumed by fire, dropping it into the ashtray at his side, when his fingers were in danger of being burnt.

"The end of an era" he said, blowing out smoke from his cigarette, "Watch out Sunnydale" he grinned, "The boy is back in town"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : If you like it, please review it, so I know that I'm actually writing something good! Thanks.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N : Thanx to; kargrif, Amandamanda3, candypir, gypsy-jin, RoleModelGirlie, Demonica Mills, kim, Slayergirlkal, stuckinabook09, mer, pixysticks666, Celestia Nailo, Mistik7, for the excellent reviews. I love writing this fic and I'm so glad you all like reading it so much. Here's more...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 12

Usually Monday mornings came too soon, but Buffy was glad to see it arrive this particular week. Finally, after two days of badness, she could escape to work and forget Riley and William and Spike and anything else that had been bothering her. It would be so nice to just avoid everything for a few hours, and with any luck after yesterday's debacle, Spike would soon leave town. That wouldn't stop her head from spinning with thoughts of him or memories of her and William and all that they'd meant to each other, but it'd make things a little bit easier, she hoped.

She got herself up and ready for work before heading to the kitchen for breakfast. Riley emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later in just his boxers, yawning and scratching like it was going out of style.

"Morning sweetheart" he grinned when he saw her and Buffy was saddened to find that although she couldn't deny the sight of his body was kind of appealing, it didn't do half as much for her as simple memories of her ex could.

"Hey" she replied half-heartedly to her future-husbands greeting as she busied herself with making toast and coffee.

"You feeling better today?" he asked as he came around the other side of the counter and reached out a hand to her. Buffy swiftly moved away, pretending not to notice his attempt to touch her.

"I'm fine" she told him without really looking up, "I just have to get to work" she offered half a smile when she finally glanced over at him, grabbing her purse and going to find her jacket.

"Did I do something?" Riley asked, following her to the door, "I can't think what I did but you don't seem...I don't know, like you usually do?" he didn't really know what the change was or how to phrase what he meant. She'd been kind of cold towards him but he didn't want to say it like that.

Buffy felt awful when he asked what he'd done to upset her. He'd really done nothing but love her, and she could hardly tell him that's what the problem was. Expelling a breath, she moved to stand in front of him and put a hand to his face.

"Riley, I promise you didn't do anything to upset me" she told him, allowing him to kiss her. That, she realised, was a mistake as his hands found their way inside her blouse in an instant.

"Riley, no" she complained, squirming away, "I have to go to work"

They both knew it wouldn't matter if she didn't leave for at least another half an hour but he let her go anyway, calling behind her that he'd see her later.

All Buffy wanted to do was get away and get to work and forget all that had occurred over the weekend. Immersed in other peoples problems and complaints at the call centre she wouldn't have time to worry about the men in her life. She was actually outside the Hyperion International building more than a half hour early and waited on the door step fully ten minutes before her supervisor showed up to unlock the doors.

"Well if it isn't our own blushing bride to be" Mr Krevlorneswath greeted her.

"Hey Lorne" Buffy smiled, using the nick-name that all the girls at the call centre did.

"Hey yourself, honey" the overly chirpy guy grinned at her as he let them both inside the building and hit the lights "You're looking fantabulous as ever, but I have to ask, what are you doing here, pumpkin pie?" he checked.

"Er, I work here?" Buffy was confused by the question and Lorne started to look equally as puzzled when the girl didn't seem to know what he meant.

"Well, sure you do, my little strawberry shortcake but not this week" he informed her, before realisation set in, "Oh, did Willow not tell you? The little minx, she pleaded your case" he explained, "Told me how much stuff you had still to do for that great shindig of a wedding you got planned and I just had to fix it for you to have the time off" he smiled widely, seemingly very pleased with himself for helping out one of his favourite employees.

"Thankyou, Lorne" Buffy smile, feeling very nauseous, "really, it's great that you'd do that for me, but I can still work" she was trying to sound grateful and plead for a change of heart at the same time. She needed to work, she'd actually been looking forward to it, and now even that was being taken away.

"Nonsense, honey bee" Lorne shook his head in the negative, "we can handle everything here" he insisted, his hand going to her elbow and steering her back towards the door, "Now go on, get along home and finalise that wedding of yours"

Buffy opened her mouth to interrupt be put up a hand to silence her

"I will not hear another word about it" he said firmly but still with a smile.

"If you're sure" the blonde realised she was going to have to give in and leave, how ever much she didn't want to.

"Surest!" she was told "Now go!"

Finally Buffy conceded and she thanked Lorne with a hug before exiting the building and running right into Willow.

"Oh, hey" the red-head smiled a little nervously, but her friend didn't seem to notice.

"Hi Will" she said, "Lorne told me you fixed it so I didn't have to work this week. That was so...sweet" she decided on an adjective eventually as she reached to hug her friend. The urge to squeeze her so tight all the air left her lungs was just fleeting but it was there all the same - she'd just ruined the plan!

"I have to get inside" Willow shifted uncomfortably as she pulled away from the blonde, "but you enjoy your relaxy time" she grinned, disappearing inside. She waited until Buffy was a long way down the road before taking out her cellphone and speed-dialling a number she'd been given yesterday.

"William?" she checked when he picked up, "It's Willow. It worked" she informed him, feeling terribly guilty, though William seemed pleased enough with what she'd done for him.

"Red, I could snog you" he told her delightedly, "You're an absolute bloody star!"

"Well, I don't like lying to Buffy" she said uncomfortably, "but I also don't want her to do anything she'll regret"

Willow had actually engineered a plan for Spike, pleading with Lorne to let Buffy have this week off. Spike had explained how he needed that time to spend with his ex and convince her he was what she wanted and not Riley.

"She won't regret taking me back, Will, I swear it" the bleached blond promised her sincerely and she nodded to hereself.

"I'm trusting you so far, Spike" the use of his other name told the truth of why her trust might waver. She didn't know him as well now as she had once.

"I'm still me y'know, Willow" the man they used to call William assured her, "Might've changed my name and my looks a bit but my love for Buffy never changed, that's the truth"

"I know" his old friend agreed "I wouldn't be helping you if I didn't believe that"

-

Buffy couldn't face going back to the apartment. She knew Riley would still be there for a while longer and the idea of him either fussing around or simply man-handling her made her just want to stay away til he'd left for work.

She wandered down the street and did a little window shopping, before heading out to the residential part of town. It was strange to walk past her old house where she'd spent so many happy times with her Mom, and also Willow, Xander, and William. It was as she stood there, looking up at 1630 Revello Drive, her old home, she knew where she was headed next. Not home just yet, even though it was likely Riley would be gone by now. There was one other house she hadn't seen for a while and she made the short journey to it that was so familiar she was surprised not to find some kind of mark on the sidewalk that she'd trod so often in her teens.

With a nostalgic smile on her lips she stopped outside the house she'd been headed for and looked up at it. She'd spent a whole lot of time in there, eating dinner with the family, kissing on the couch with William, it seemed so strange to stand out here now and know a whole new family was living their life in that place. It was literally years since she'd last been in that house though, just over three to be precise, when her last connection to William had disappeared.

Flashback

"Well, that's everything" Mr Anderson sighed as he closed the trunk of the car and glanced up at the home he was leaving behind. His gaze shifted to the two women on the side walk that he wished he didn't have to say goodbye to either, but he must.

The family had originally moved to America for a better way of life. There wasn't much in England to stay for, and they hoped that the better weather and atmosphere might help Drusilla's condition. She had mental problems and as such didn't make sense an awful lot of the time, but her father and brother loved her very much and refused to let her disappear off into an institution or something.

With advances in medicine and mood-controlling drugs in America they hoped to make her better, but it was not to be, and when William walked out on Buffy and consequently his family, Drusilla got considerably worse. She doted on her dear brother and she seemed to give up trying to fight when he left.

"Take care, Joyce" Mr Anderson told a woman he'd come to see as a very good friend, "I won't forget your kindness to us" he told her as they hugged.

Buffy was by now in tears as her ex-love's father turned to her.

"Oh my dearest Buffy" he sighed, "You'll never know how sorry I am for what my son did to you" he told her.

"Sometimes I think it's my fault you have to leave" she cried, "If William had never been with me he might never have left and Dru would be okay and..."

"Buffy, no" he interrupted her rambling, "Drusilla was never going to be much better than she is" he said softly with as shake of his head, "And in any case, I blame you for nothing" he assured her, as he gave her one last hug.

"Do you want to say goodbye to Dru?" he asked and she nodded that she did, wiping tears away with the back of her hand as she walked over to the car and looked in the back.

"Hey Dru" she attempted a smile, "I'm going to miss you"

"We must leave the sun behind, because my boy was naughty" she said, her whole body swaying, eyes fairly un-focused, "but one day the dark will find the sun again" she giggled, "and all the bells will ring, ring, ring..."

"Goodbye Dru" Buffy sniffed as she stepped back from the car and watched Mr Anderson move around to get in.

They waved as they left and Joyce put a comforting arm around her daughter. It didn't help much.

End Flashback

"Always did hate to see you do that" Spike's voice broke into Buffy's memory-induced haze and she turned to look at him, her expression making it obvious that she had no idea what he meant. He reached out to gently wipe tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.

"I didn't realise" she admitted, stepping away from his touch and drying her face with her own hands, "I was just thinking...about the past, about your family" she admitted, still sniffing.

"I saw 'em y'know" he told her, though neither of them looked at the other, just at the house, "They got back to England and went straight to my grandparents house, arrived the day before I was due to leave...It felt weird seeing them again, mostly painful, especially when Dru bloody slapped me...s'pose I deserved it"

It was strange but here in this moment Buffy couldn't be mad at Spike, she couldn't yell and demand he leave her alone. Right now he was William, and this could very well be years ago when they were so in love it almost physically hurt to be apart.

"I'm sorry, for before" she heard him say as they both stood heir looking up at the house.

"Before at the coffee shop?" she asked flatly, "Or before when you walked out of my life without so much as a goodbye?"

Spike felt her words like a slap round the face and it showed when she looked at him.

"The coffee shop mostly" came his softly spoken answer, surprising she who asked the question until Spike continued, "Buffy, I can't make excuses and apologies for the way I left. This far on, what good would it do?" he asked her, not really needing an answer.

"I don't know" Buffy replied anyway, looking back at the house, "All I know is your leaving turned my life upside down" she said, tears finding a path down either cheek once again, "And then when your Dad and Dru left, I knew it was really over. I had to move on with my life, and it wasn't easy" she cried.

Spike couldn't bear to see it. Her tears always used to tear him apart before but now, especially knowing he was the cause of it, it almost killed him to see her so upset.

"Buffy, don't" he said, desperate to hug her but unsure that she'd let him. He took a risk and put an arm around her shoulders. In one movement she turned into his embrace and let him hold her, face buried in his chest as she cried.

"What did I do to my precious girl?" he sighed as he gently kissed the top of her head. Buffy said nothing, just allowed herself to be comforted until her tears subsided. She was finally letting go, crying for too much loss and pain from the past few years. Here in her ex-love's arms, nothing mattered but the two of them, just for a little while.

Unfortunately reality was too over-powering to let the daydream last for long and reluctantly Buffy pulled away from Spike, wiping the tear tracks from her face again.

"I'm sorry" she sniffed, looking away almost embarrassed by how upset she'd got and for no apparent reason.

"Nothing to be sorry for, pet" Spike assured her as she took a deep breath and tried to regain her composure.

"You busy right now?" she asked casually, surprising him slightly, "I really need a drink" she admitted.

"It's barely lunch-time" Spike smirked as he checked his watch, but the look on Buffy's face said she didn't care, "Which makes it the perfect time for boozin' it up, I reckon" his smirk turned into a smile as the blonde beside him managed to look happier too. Nobody could say they were getting back together, or that he was forgiven or anything so drastic, but they were getting along, and that was a start.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : And here endeth the chapter. Now, what do you think will happen when Buffy and Spike start downing the alcoholic beverages? I'll update soon and then you'll find out! But in the meantime reviews would be very much of the good please.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N : Thanx to all those who reviewed; RoleModelGirlie, Mistik07, kargrif, SlaYeRGiRLkaL, gypsy-jin, Anyanka0705, Demonica Mills, kim, Mr Lennox I pressume, Celestia Nailo, Ashes, sheilamarie, Shadowhawke, Amandamanda3. It's so funny how everybody loves Lorne, I do too and I was glad to find a way to get him into this story. Anyway, as promised, here's what happens when Buffy and Spike start drinking. Hope you like...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 13

"When you said you wanted to get a drink, luv, I hadn't realised you meant this much" Spike smirked as Buffy let them into her apartment, carrying three bottles each of various alcoholic drinks.

"It's not all for now, dummy" she rolled her eyes at him as they walked through to the kitchen, "It just made sense to re-stock the drinks cabinet whilst we were in the liquor store" she shrugged, lining up the wine and spirits on the kitchen counter and slipping off her jacket.

"So where do we start?" Spike tilted his head as he looked at her, "Wine, I s'pose" he grabbed the necessary bottle and eyed it with distaste. He really was not the wine-drinking type, but he'd do anything to spend time with Buffy right now. Still, it seemed he wouldn't have to go to such terrible lengths just yet.

"No, something stronger" the blonde surprised him by saying, "You chose this one" she said, handing him the bottle of Jack Daniels, "Open that" she told him, holding the bottle in his direction. He looked at her strangely as he slid off his coat and then took the bottle from her.

"Do you even like bourbon?" he asked her suspiciously and Buffy shrugged.

"I dunno, one way to find out" she smiled, walking past him, "You pour the drinks, I have to go and change" she said, disappearing into the bedroom.

Spike found some appropriate glasses and went through to the living room to open the bottle of bourbon. He heard Buffy moving in the bedroom and his mind couldn't help but wander to places it probably shouldn't be going right now, but what was a bloke s'pose to do when he knew the woman he loved but wasn't allowed to touch was beyond a door not three feet away and taking all her clothes off? It was bloody inhuman torture is what it was!

"That's better" Buffy said as she emerged from the room and Spike was glad he had good self control as he poured them both a drink. She came to sit beside him on the couch and took the glass he offered her.

"Cheers" he said, clinking his glass to hers, before knocking back the contents in one. Buffy took a deep breath, looking at the brown liquid with some apprehension.

"Well, here goes nothing" she said, copying Spike's example and downing the large shot in one go. He was a little stunned by that, but then he'd noticed she seemed to be just full of surprises since he arrived back in town.

"Wow" she commented, slamming the glass down on the table, one hand going to her chest as she coughed.

"Too much for you?" Spike asked, trying not to look too amused as Buffy's eyes watered. She really was not used to alcohol that strong.

"No, I..." she tried to speak but coughed instead and Spike had to give in and laugh just a little bit. It didn't seem to matter since she joined in too.

"Maybe we should have had that wine after all" she realised when her breath came back properly. Spike offered to fetch it but she told him she could at least walk in a straight line still, she was not so much of an amateur drinker!

The white wine was fetched and poured in clean glasses as the pair talked over a few happier times past, mostly involving Willow and Xander too. It was nice just to sit and talk and laugh about silly things they'd said and done in their teens. They'd missed each other as friends as well as lovers.

As Buffy grabbed the wine bottle and filled up both their glasses before they'd even finished the first, Spike noted she was swaying oddly.

"Hey, you go steady with that, luv" he advised, "Don't want you ending up sloshed, do we?"

He knew he could hold his drink but he also knew only too well how badly alcohol affected her, and he was not going to held responsible for anything stupid she did, or how awful she felt in the morning.

"I've never been drunk" Buffy protested over-zealously and Spike's eyes went wide.

"Oh, I beg to differ, pet" he argued with a smirk on his face, "The week after Prom at the Bronze?" he reminded her. Buffy ducked her head behind her hair in embarrassment. She'd momentarily forgotten that it seemed.

Flashback

Buffy and Spike had headed out to the Bronze with Willow and Xander for a real celebration of their engagement. They'd managed to buy a bottle of champagne, despite their under-age status and whilst three of them had just a glass each, Buffy found she liked the taste so much she couldn't wait to empty her glass and fill it right back up again.

Her friends found her drunken behaviour highly amusing. Everything could apparently be construed as either hilarious or dirty in the mind of DrunkBuffy and when her laughter subsided, William thoroughly enjoyed her new take on dancing, at first anyway. After a while she started to get a little too inappropriate for a public place and he tried to convince her to go back the table with him and sit down, maybe try a non-alcoholic beverage. She flatly refused, pouting and whining about the fact he didn't want to dance with her anymore. He pulled her gently towards the table but she didn't want to budge and when he let up his grip on her wrist so as not to hurt her she tripped and knocked into the back of a girl at the bar.

Lilah Morgan was known throughout Sunnydale High as the bitch queen from hell, and definitely someone not to be trifled with. Buffy Summers had just caused Miss Morgan to spill her drink down her dress - it didn't look good for the blonde.

"You're going to pay for that" Lilah said dangerously, her double meaning not lost on the on-lookers.

"For God sakes, Lilah, breathe" Buffy snapped at her, stumbling a little as her legs didn't seem as solid as they usually did, "It's not like you look good in it anyway" she giggled.

William grabbed his girlfriend and attempted to steer her away from a fight.

"You know nothing, little girl" the brunette smiled evilly as Buffy struggled to stand her ground.

"You're wrong" she yelled, catching the attention of half the club by now. William didn't know what to do for the best.

"I know stuff" Buffy continued, gesturing emphatically, "I know that you're a stupid bitch who everybody hates" she said fairly coherently for one so drunk, "and I know these girls only hang around with you so they can be popular, they don't even like you" she went on, "and guys only like you cos you're an easy lay"

"I think you should shut your mouth now, or I'll..." Lilah started her threat, but never got a chance to finish as Buffy interrupted, something that no-one ever dared to do to Miss Morgan.

"You'll what?" she challenged, "Tell everyone not to talk to me?" she asked, "Newflash, Lilah, I. don't. care." she said right in her face, "You're a nasty person with a lot of badness inside you, and none of us give a bloody damn what you think!"

She ended with a grin and a phrase she stole from William, as Lilah looked dumb-struck by the whole turn of events. A cheer and round of applause went up through the club, every geek ever trampled on, every guy ever used, every girl ever put down by the evil Lilah Morgan joined in with supporting Buffy's words.

William clapped louder than anyone before walking back to the table with his fiancée's hand in his. She'd never stop surprising him he realised and he was glad about that

End Flashback

Both Buffy and Spike were laughing as they recalled that night from years ago that had been so much fun.

"God I was bloody proud of you that night" he told her honestly. Lilah was such a prize cow she needed bringing down a notch or two, and to have his girl be the one to do it just made William love Buffy all the more back then.

"She was such a bitch!" the blonde waved her arm in an emphatic gesture that would've resulted in spilled wine were it not for the fact her glass was pretty much empty already, "She so totally had it coming" she went on to say about Lilah.

"True enough" Spike agreed, "and you gave it to her, for all the good it did you" he rolled his eyes at a less pleasant memory making Buffy frown. She'd clearly repressed that part.

"I had fun" she pouted, wondering what he was getting at.

"Yeah, yelling at her you did" he smirked, "You forget what happened in the parking lot ten minutes later?" he prompted "Totally ruined my leather bleedin' interiors" he complained, though he wasn't exactly angry about it anymore, it was too long ago and too irrelevant.

Buffy looked at him from beneath her lashes and smiled almost seductively.

"But I made up for that the next night, didn't I?" she recalled, surprising Spike immediately. She didn't remember throwing up so clearly, but then who would want to, but she remembered the night after when her mother had gone out and she'd invited William over to her house, and talking wasn't exactly on her mind.

"Buffy" Spike shifted uncomfortably on the couch beside her. The way she was looking at him, well he knew that look, and as nice as it would be to think she wanted him that way he couldn't let anything happen when she'd been drinking.

"Oh, damn" he was brought out of his thoughts by her cursing ,"No more wine. I'll get another bottle" she said as she got to her feet and stumbled towards the kitchen. Spike watched her go, wincing when she almost smacked her head on the door. No-one could get drunk quite as fast as his girl, he thought absently, before she came back into the room with a bottle that wasn't wine and a couple of other glasses.

"I couldn't work the corkscrew" she giggled, "I think it's defective" she considered before waving the new bottle at him, "Anyway I got this instead" she said as he took it from her and noted it was vodka.

"Mixin' it a bit aren't we, luv?" he said, putting the bottle down on the coffee table without opening it.

"Do you care?" Buffy asked as she reached for it again, managed to work the lid and poured out two shots. He caught her wrist when she moved to put the bottle down.

"I care about you" he reminded her, as their eyes met and she leaned closer to him.

"I know" she nodded gently, pushing herself towards him until her lips touched his. What started out sweet and tender, soon became more passionate and hungry. She wanted him, so much it was driving her crazy, and all apprehensions about letting herself go disappeared the more she drank. With no inhibitions left to hold her back, she threw herself into all that she felt for him, and let him kiss her til she couldn't breathe.

Spike had been waiting for this moment, the one where she actually chose to kiss him first. When she initiated what he wanted so badly. There was no way for her to blame him afterwards if she started it, but then he hadn't banked on her being drunk when it all happened.

He'd manoeuvred them both on the couch till she was laying beneath him, before he'd even thought about what he was really doing. If they carried on this way he knew exactly what would happen, and whilst it would be glorious to be with her that way again, he had to remember how much Buffy had drunk, indeed the evidence was lined up on the table beside him. She was probably going to regret this and blame him for it, and he couldn't stand it.

"Buffy" he pulled away slightly, "We can't..."

"Don't talk" she told him breathlessly, "Just kiss me" she begged, pulling his head back down til their lips met again. Spike couldn't take much more of this, he loved her and wanted her too much to turn her down now. He had tried to stop though, even if she did go crazy when she sobered up, he'd get points for intent, right?

All coherent thought started to leave both their minds as their passion overtook them, hands finding their way inside each others clothing. Buffy gasped as Spike's fingers travelled up inside her top and his lips planted kisses around her throat.

"Oh God, you're good at this" she said breathlessly, no longer making comparisons with Riley but just letting herself feel instead of think for once.

"Had plenty of practice, luv" Spike said between kisses, regretting the words as soon as they'd passed his lips.

Buffy's hands stilled half way down his back, her body going suddenly rigid. She may have been a little drunk before but now she was stone-cold sober in an instant.

"Get off me" she ground out in a low voice and Spike felt awful as he did as she asked. Why did he have to mention the one thing that she despised most about him?

"I'm sorry" he tried to apologise "I didn't..."

"Just get out" Buffy interrupted, pulling her knees up to her chest and straightening her clothes "Now!" she snapped when he just stood there staring.

"Buffy, please" Spike reached out a hand to her but she knocked it away violently, tears forming in her eyes that she didn't want him to see.

"Don't touch me, just go!" she told him, wishing he'd just leave her alone like she asked so she could cry in peace.

"Okay, okay" Spike help up his hands in surrender when he realised just how upset she was. He fetched his coat in silence and headed for the door.

"I'm sorry, Buffy" he repeated as he left and when she finally heard the front door click shut, she allowed herself to cry openly.

The real reason for her tears could be so many things, and Buffy wasn't sure which one was most relevant. She hated that William had changed as he had, to the point where she was forced to make herself dislike him even when she really didn't. She also cried because she'd betrayed Riley when he didn't deserve it, and because she'd betrayed herself. After so many promises that she would be strong and not let Spike take advantage of her, she was then the one to initiate something physical between them.

Buffy eventually realised that all these reasons were valid for why she was sitting there now, crying like she'd never stop, but the one that mattered most of all was the one she was trying not to dwell on. Deep down all she really wanted was for Spike to come back in that door, tell her again how much he loved her, and then finish what they'd started.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : You know what to do, and I'll update again as soon as I can :-)


	14. Chapter 14

A/N : Thanx to; SlaYeRGirRLkaL, msberry, Demonica Mills, bella-lover, Amandamanda3, Spikelvr, Moonjava, RoleModelGirlie, Brunettepet, BuffyandDracoLover, soccergirl2002uk, gypsy-jin, for the latest reviews. Yeah so, Spike said a stupid thing and ruined it all, but things can only get better, right? Read on to find out...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 14

Buffy spent most of Monday afternoon in tears, or close to it. She drank a couple of glasses of vodka down, hoping to dull the pain in her heart and her head. It did very little good, only causing her to feel nauseous and worse than she had before.

She checked the clock around six and realised Riley would be home in a couple of hours. The idea of facing him was too much to deal with so after tidying up the living room and kitchen, throwing out the empty bottles of alcohol and putting the others away, she took a long hot bath and put herself to bed.

* * *

"All the work we put in and now the boss wants over-time" Xander complained as he left the site with Riley, "I did enough of that last year and almost lost Willow 'cause of the extra hours I put in"

"I considered it" his friend told him, "I mean, weddings aren't exactly cheap but I don't like being away from Buffy all those extra hours either"

"Just five more days til you're married" Xander realised, "God, that sounds so weird"

"I can't wait" Riley grinned, "I'll be the happiest man in the world when I can call Buffy my wife, and I plan on making her the happiest woman in the world too"

The two men said goodnight to each other as they walked in opposite directions to go home.

"Stupid git" a voice said in the dark, making Xander physically jump and yell ridiculously high.

"Spike" he said with realisation as the Englishman appeared out of the darkness.

"Who'd you think it was, you big girl?" he smirked annoyingly as Xander tried to breathe correctly.

"Lurk, much?" he complained and Spike rolled his eyes, flicking away the cigarette he'd been smoking.

"Wasn't lurking" he defended himself, "Just, hanging about. It's a whole different vibe"

Xander didn't look particularly convinced as the pair began walking down the street together.

"'Sides I figured it'd be best if that ponce Finn didn't see me" the bleached blond went on to say, "Especially considering what I was doing with his fiancée not five hours ago" he smirked, making Xander's mouth drop open like his jaw had become detached.

"You and the Buffster?" he checked, "You and her did the...thing" he said making a vague gesture with his hand.

"There was no shagging if that's what you mean" Spike rolled his eyes again as he took out another cigarette and lit it, "Could've been though, if I hadn't put my foot in it...metaphorically" he added when the look on Xander's face said he'd taken that sentence far too literally!

"Buffy cheated on Riley, kinda anyway" the brunette said thoughtfully, "That's so...non-Buffy"

"Wasn't really cheatin'" Spike defended her, kicking a can across the street "She was mine first"

"Kid in the sandbox, much?" his old friend shot back with a smile, causing Spike to grin too.

"Yeah, well, it's bloody true" he insisted. Xander nodded his agreement as they continued to walk together. When the silence grew strangely long, Spike got to the point of why he'd jumped out of the dark in the first place.

"Er, Xand, didn't you say somethin' to me about being away one night this week?" he checked.

"Thursday, yeah" the brunette nodded, "I don't like going away nights and Will's not a fan but someone has to make the pick-up"

"And if you said no?" Spike asked curiously, throwing away his second spent cigarette as they came to a halt outside the apartment block.

Xander wondered why he wanted to know all this but first asked if William was going to come inside. Spike declined, knowing Willow wouldn't approve of his plans to get Buffy back. She'd already been a part of one them, he didn't fancy bringing her in on another, slightly dodgier scheme.

"So, this overnight job" he brought attention back to that, "If you didn't go, couldn't someone else?"

"Sure" Xander shrugged, "I guess someone else in my team, Ben or Graham or Riley..." he stopped short when Spike grinned too widely, "Oh no, no way!" he backed up a step shaking his head, "I am not fixing it that Riley'll go away so you can seduce the Buffster!" he said firmly.

"It's not about seducing her, you pillock" Spike told him, but off Xander's look he sighed, "Okay, so part of it is about that" he admitted, "but you know what Buffy means to me, man. I did a stupid thing leaving like I did, I get that now, but you know we can't let her marry that git!" he complained.

Xander exhaled, knowing he would probably live to regret what he said next, but saying it anyway.

"Okay" he gave in, "I'll see what I can do"

"Thanks, mate" Spike grinned, slapping him on the back, "I owe you one"

"You owe me several" Xander pointed out with a smile, "but you're my friend, so I'm not counting"

* * *

Despite the alcohol and the relaxing bath, Buffy could not get to sleep and she listened as Riley came in through the front door at past eight o'clock. She closed her eyes tight and lie very still hoping he'd leave her alone - she was out of luck on that score.

She heard him moving around in the living room and then the bathroom. He came in through the bedroom door and she feigned sleep as he got undressed, and still when she felt the bed shift as he climbed in.

He pressed his body up against her back and began to kiss her shoulder and neck. Buffy was hoping that if she didn't react at all he'd give up, but those hopes were dashed when she felt his hand creep up inside her night-dress. Her eyes snapped open and she turned over so fast, her elbow almost smacked him in the nose.

"Hey" he smiled in the dark, "You weren't supposed to wake up yet" he told her, moving to kiss her lips, "I had a plan"

"I was trying to sleep" she said, shifting away, "I had a headache" she half-lied, "I still have it"

Though her head was not feeling so good, Buffy's real reason for being in bed so early was to avoid all this. Clearly that plan had back-fired.

Riley had assumed she was in bed early for his benefit. It had been a while since they last did anything but sleep in there and it was starting to frustrate him. Still, he realised, Buffy couldn't help it if she had a head-ache, and again he put it all down to the stress of planning a wedding, although with the mood swings and the feeling ill and stuff, he was starting to wonder if there might be another reason, but he didn't want to be the first to mention it...

"You rest up, baby" he told her, kissing her forehead, "I'll go watch TV for a while, okay?"

"Thankyou" she smiled gratefully before turning over to go to sleep. She felt Riley get out of bed and heard him put his pants back on before heading out to the living room again. She sighed with relief but the pain and guilt stayed with her, one more single tear escaping down her cheek.

* * *

Buffy did an Oscar-worthy performance of 'sleeping woman' until Riley had left for work next morning. She felt bad for effectively deceiving him, but she couldn't face him right now. He'd want to touch her and she couldn't bear it, especially not after yesterday. She barely had to try in order to feel Spike's lips on her own, his fingers against her skin. She screwed her eyes up tight and willed it all away, despite the fact it had all been so pleasant at the time.

With Riley gone from the apartment and no work to go to, she was free to get up at her own speed and do exactly what she wanted, at least til lunch-time. Then she had to go meet Willow from work and head over to the dress shop for the final fitting of her own wedding dress, and her friends bridesmaid's dress.

Buffy sighed and stretched as she got out of bed. She knocked a piece of paper from the nightstand and bent to pick it up, finding a note from Riley. It said he hoped she felt better and that he'd see her tonight, also he hoped she had fun with Willow at lunch. Buffy smiled at his thoughtfulness, wondering absently if Spike would be so good to her if she gave him the chance. She scolded herself for making comparisons again as she dressed herself and got some breakfast. She'd was terribly unfair to Riley lately and all he wanted to do was love her and be loved back as he deserved. They were getting married in four days, she really did need to make an effort, or she may just find herself arriving at a groom-less church all over again.

No, she told herself firmly, Riley would never do that to her. He couldn't hurt her that way, he wouldn't know how, though it seemed she was not as good a person as she used to think. She had kissed Spike, twice now, and almost a whole lot more, all behind her fiancé's back, and yesterday in their very own apartment.

Shaking her head she tried to clear out all the confusing, negative, and otherwise bad thoughts. She took out her list of things to do for the wedding and made her way down it, completing and crossing off as much as she could. It was almost lunch time when she next checked the clock and she hurriedly grabbed her jacket and purse before heading down to Hyperion International to meet Willow.

The red-head smiled as she exited the building and found Buffy waiting for her. Knowing the other girls would soon follow, the pair greeted each other with a hug and then hurried around the corner towards the dress shop. Neither wanted to be held up by Cordy or Harmony asking awkward questions about Spike or anything else. Willow had managed to get away with saying very little so far and wished for it to stay that way.

"So, how are you enjoying your time off?" she asked as they walked together.

"It's okay, I guess" Buffy shrugged, "I'm getting a lot of wedding stuff done but..."

"But?" Willow prompted when her friend turned quiet and the blonde sighed.

"Things have been kinda weird and confused since William came back" she admitted, "I just sort of wish he'd go away again"

Willow looked at the ground as they paused outside the dress shop, before glancing back up at Buffy.

"I kind of have a confession" she said, sounding apologetic already, "Buffy I convinced Lorne to let you take the week off because Will asked me to"

There she'd said it, but she wasn't sure that she felt any better. Now she was waiting for Buffy to explode with anger or cry like she'd never stop. She was grateful when neither of these events occurred.

"It's okay" the blonde nodded, "I kinda thought maybe that was how it happened, and I totally understand why you'd help him" she assure her worried friend, "He can be pretty persuasive these days" she added, almost dreamily, making Willow wonder if something had happened that she'd missed, but she didn't ask.

The two girls went into the dress shop and the elderly owner, Miss French, sent her assistant, Tara, to fetch their dresses. Minutes later they were stood before the bank of mirrors on one wall, admiring themselves in their special outfits.

Buffy had said she'd feel a fraud in white and so she wore pale cream. The top of her dress was a fitted bodice, and the skirt flowed down from her waist like a water fall, shimmering in the light, right down to where it skimmed the floor. Willow's dress was a similar style but a little less extravagant and with three quarter sleeves where Buffy's had none. It was in a deep burgundy, the same colour as the bride's flowers would be.

"You look just beautiful" Miss French smiled, "Don't they Tara?" she asked her assistant who heartily agreed.

"It seems we're not the only ones who think so either" the old lady smiled, gesturing towards the window at the front of the shop. Buffy was smiling when she turned but the joy disappeared from her face when piercing blue eyes met hers through the glass pane.

"William" she whispered to herself as she watched him watching her.

Spike smiled approvingly of her outfit and then at Willow before turning his back on them and walking away.

"He could've come in and said hi" the red-head complained, as Buffy also turned away and tried to work the fastenings on the back of her dress. She didn't want to think about Spike right now, she just couldn't.

"That's weird" she heard Willow say behind her, "He has a a big bag on his shoulder...it almost looks as if he's leaving again" she frowned.

"That's a good thing" Buffy nodded, swallowing hard.

In her heart she knew she was lying.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Reviews make me happy. Being happy makes me want to write more of my fic. There's a hint in there somewhere...


	15. Chapter 15

A/N : Thanx to; soccergirl2002uk, sheilamarie, Moonjava, spikes-slayer29590, Mistik07, RoleModelGirlie, Shadowhawke, Celestia Nailo, SlaYeRGiRLkaL, bella-lover, DarkEvilShadow, fashiongrrl, gypsy-jin, Amandamanda3, Brunettepet, for the great reviews. I'm a little worried about this new chapter, but hopefully you guys won't hate it too much...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 15

It was just past seven on Wednesday morning when Buffy awoke and really kind of wished she hadn't. Her first thought of the day matched the last one of yesterday - it was all about Spike. For so long he'd meant the world to her, then he'd turned around and left, hurting her so badly she honestly thought she might never get over it. Then there was Riley and she'd found a way to move forward, up to the point where she was just days away from becoming Mrs Finn. In just one move, Spike had dragged her back four years, and she hadn't exactly been kicking and screaming about it. What had she been thinking when she'd kissed him? She knew exactly what she'd been thinking, because deep down she knew she had very strong feelings for him still. It didn't matter now though. Even if she wanted to make the insane choice and choose her untrustworthy ex over her stable and reliable fiance it was too late. Spike had left town yesterday, she'd seen him heading off with a bag on his back and since then no-one had heard from him. He was gone and it was for the best...wasn't it?

Buffy groaned and covered her face with her hands. She dreaded getting up this morning. Yesterday afternoon she'd made so many plans for the wedding to the point where there was hardly anything left to do today and she knew why. The busier she was, the less she thought about Spike. He was everywhere in her mind, everything she did triggered a thought or memory related to him and it would've driven her insane if she hadn't managed to find so much to do. The problem lie in the fact that now so many jobs were done, it left very few to fill the hours of today.

She turned over in bed hoping she could at least waste another hour or two in sleep, but she was startled by the abundance of space in the bed. It wasn't so late that Riley would've left for work yet, she was sure.

"Morning sweetheart" he said as he came through the bedroom door, wearing only his blue jeans. He carried a tray in his hands with toast and coffee on it and a flower in a thin vase.

"What's all this for?" Buffy asked as she pulled herself up to sitting position, expression halfway between a smile and a frown.

"Nothing really, I just..." Riley looked awkward as he put the tray down and climbed onto the bed beside her, "I just wanted to remind you how much I love you" he said solemnly, "and that I can't wait to marry you, and show everyone how much I want to be with you forever"

"I love you too Riley" she said, tears in her eyes as she leant over and kissed him softly on the lips. She meant it, she knew she did, but Buffy was beginning to ask herself 'Do I love him enough to spend the rest of my life with him?' She hated herself for even having to think about it, and she knew it was fruitless since it seemed Spike was gone and not an option. In absence of her first true love surely staying with Riley was better than not, and they were happy before, right?

An hour later Riley left for work and Buffy was only grateful that he didn't try for sex, even though she knew that was unfair and ridiculous. She'd been avoiding anything sexual or even slightly romantic happening betweem herself and her fiance, all because William had come back to Sunnydale, looking hotter than ever before. Now he was gone, life should return to normal, Buffy realised. She would be satisfied to love Riley, marry him, and live happily ever after just like he wanted. He loved her so much and he was so kind, caring, and sweet. All she'd done these last few days was push him away.

Today she was going to make an effort, she told herself as she got out of bed and pulled on some clothes. She was going to plan the most romantic evening ever known to mankind. She and Riley would have the perfect night in, and Spike would be completely forgotten. At least, that was the plan...

* * *

"Harris!" the young man heard his name barked at considerable volume by the foreman who hung out of the door of the site office. He knew what this would be about as he put down his tools and headed over to speak to his superior. Tomorrow he had to go pick up supplies for the job they were currently working on and because of the travelling distance he'd be staying over at a motel for the night. If he was going to fulfill his promise to Spike he had to make sure it was not him that made the trip tomorrow but Riley instead.

"Harris, sit down" the foreman ordered as Xander came in the door and did as he was told, "Now, as you know, someone from here needs to go and make a pick-up tomorrow, and the plan was for you to be the one to go" he reminded the younger man, "Well, I won't be around much tomorrow, the big boss wants to talk and I wanna know I'm leaving someone I can trust in charge here whilst I'm gone"

"Okay" Xander nodded, wondering where this was going.

"You're a good worker, Harris" the foreman complimented him, "You work hard, the other guys respect you, so I wanna leave you in charge here tomorrow"

"Thankyou, sir" Xander grinned, glad to have his dedication and hard work recognised by his superiors.

"Thing is, with you staying here I need someone else to make the pick-up" his boss explained, "You know better than anyone who out there is the most capable and trust-worthy. Give me a name" he asked him.

Xander couldn't believe what he was hearing. Spike's plan seemed to be working out just the way he wanted it too. All he had to do was give Riley's name now and the deed was done. It was almost as if the fates were smiling down on his old friend.

"Er, well, Riley's a good guy" he suggested, casually as he could, "Decent, trustworthy..."

"Finn, huh?" the foreman looked thoughful as he shifted the blinds and looked out of the window, "He's been here a while, nearly as long as you" he considered, "And you trust him?" he verified.

Xander nodded, confirming he was totally sure about his decision.

"Okay, send him in here and get back to work" the foreman ordered.

"Thankyou, sir" the young man said as he got up from his seat and hurried out of the office. He couldn't help but think how amazing it was that everything was fitting together. Spike would get one night alone with Buffy just like he wanted, or supposedly needed.

Of course, Xand knew if Buffy ever found out he'd helped with the plans, not only setting up for Riley to go away but fixing Spike up with a place to stay when he had to get out of his hotel room yesterday, he was in big trouble of the dead kind! But if it all worked out, and Buffy and Spike actually got back together, he might find himself to be even more popular with those two than he already was.

"Hey Riley!" he called across the site to his friend, "Boss needs to talk to you!"

His friend nodded that he'd heard and headed over to the office, having no idea what was going on at all.

* * *

It was all arranged, and Buffy was very proud of all she'd acheived today. The table was set with a table-cloth, the best crockery and cutlery, and a thin vase of flowers in the center. Candles sat either side of the centrepiece, the lights were down low and the food was simmering in the kitchen. Buffy walked through to the bedroom and checked her apperance in the full length mirror. She looked stunning, even if she did say so herslef, in the brand new dress she'd bought. She didn't feel too bad about her extra spending since it was all for a good cause, saving her almost-marriage, and besides it was on sale at the store.

The dress was black and hugged her figure, showing off all her best assets just like it was suposed to do. She wore her hair curled and mostly pinned up with a few strands hanging down around her face. Reapplying her lipstick, she realised she was totally ready for her romantic evening with her fiance, and it was a good thing too, since he'd be home any minute.

As if he knew she was thinking it, Riley's key could be heard in the lock right at that moment and Buffy hurried back out into the living room to greet him.

"Buffy, I..." he called as he let himself into the apartment, but the words died on his tongue when he saw the romantic setting, followed by his fiancee as she emerged from the bedroom looking incredibly sexy.

"This is a surprise" he said after a moment, "I didn't miss an anniversary or something, did I?" he checked, suddenly worried, "Like our first date or first kiss or something?"

"Don't look so panicky" Buffy smiled at his expression as she walked across the room towards him, "You didn't forget anything, I just...I wanted us to have a special night, y'know?" she said as she reached him, putting her hands on his chest and looking up through long lashes.

"Special, huh?" he grinned, "Gotta say, that dress is pretty special all by itself"

"Glad you like it" she smiled back as she leant in impossibly close, "Maybe later you can help me out of it" she whispered teasingly right before they kissed.

Once he had a hold of her he didn't want to let go, even when she started to pull away.

"Do we have to eat now?" he asked as he smothered her face with kisses, and his hands roamed her body, "Can't it wait a little while?"

"Uh-uh" Buffy grinned mischievously as she pulled out of his arms and backed away, "Eat first, play later" she winked as she headed for the kitchen.

As soon as her back was turned the smile fell from her lips as she mentally chanted 'Don't think about Spike, don't think about Spike...' as the task was proving fairly impossible so far. She only hoped it'd get easier as the night went on.

* * *

"So he's definitely going to be out of town tomorrow night?" Spike asked Xander via his cell phone as he headed down the street to find a place he could get a drink.

"Yeah, I don't know how it happened" Xander admitted, "Foreman wanted a name of someone I trusted so I said Riley, simple as. The Powers That Be must be smiling on you, man"

"Let's hope my luck stays in for tomorrow night" his friend smiled, "I've got big plans for our Miss Summers"

"Be careful, Will" the brunette on the other end of the line warned him, "You hurt her once, do it a second time and you really will have lost her for good, me and Willow too"

"I'm not gonna screw this up Xand, not again" Spike promised, "I love her so damn much, I just want to prove that to her. You know as well as I do, me and her, we're meant to be"

"I know it" Xander agreed, "doesn't mean it thrills me to know Riley's gonna get hurt" he explained sadly.

"Best man's gotta win, mate, that's just how it is" Spike smirked, "S'not my fault that I'm better than him"

* * *

As the evening progressed, Buffy found it a little easier to put Spike out of her head. She and Riley talked about nonsense things, memories of past dates and the such like together. It felt just like it had when they first started going out, flirting and messing around, without a care in the world.

When they'd eaten their meal they moved from the table to the couch to drink coffee and snuggle in front of the TV. After flipping through all the channels twice, Buffy couldn't find anything she wanted to watch and it was clear Riley wasn't the least bit interested in anything on the screen as his lips focused on her neck and his hand slipped further up her leg. His fingers tickled her skin and Buffy giggled as she turned off the TV and dropped the remote on the floor.

As he continued to caress her body, Buffy let her eyelids fall shut...and there was Spike again. Immediately, her eyes sprang open and she frantically tried to think of something else. What kind of awful person was she, thinking about another man whilsts she was making out with her fiance!

"Was dinner good?" she asked, desperately hoping for some kind of conversation to keep her mind off a certain bleached blond.

"Dinner was great" Riley assured her, letting up on the kissing for a whole ten seconds to answer her, "I was thinking maybe I could give my compliments to the chef" he grinned.

"And how did you plan on doing that?" Buffy forced a smile, as if she didn't already know the answer to her question.

She gasped when Riley's hand travelled further inside her dress and he kissed her lips, as he lowered her back onto the couch. His body pressed hers into the cushions as his hands and lips carressed her skin. The problem was Buffy's mind went racing back to the other day when she'd ended up in almost this exact same posintion with Spike. She felt sick.

"Riley, stop" she told him, trying to get away, "Please" she said, as she pushed him off. He looked hurt and a little angry until she took his hand and painted on another smile.

"Let's do this properly" she told him, as they both stood up, "Take me to bed?" she said, almost shyly, allowing him to lead her to their room.

He started to kiss her again as they lay down on the bed together, and he tenderly began to make love to her.

Buffy felt terrible the whole time as she despertaely tried to concentrate on the man in her arms, but it did no good. He was a nice guy and she did love him but only thoughts of Spike and a little imagination helped her get where she was going tonight. Nothing Riley did could ever excite her enough, and when she reached the point of ecstasy, tears were in her in eyes and Spike's name wanted to force itself from her lips.

As her fiance rolled off her, speaking words of love as he wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close, and settled down to sleep, Buffy turned her back to him and cried silent tears. She knew now for certain that Riley would never be enough for her, and that their marriage was doomed to fail unless she could really force herself to put William 'Spike' Anderson out of her head, and her heart.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : I know, I know, you really wanna throw things at me right now, huh? Please just trust me! The B/R makes me nauseous too but there is a method to my madness. Buffy now knows putting William/Spike out of her head and heart is near impossible no matter how she tries, with that point made I promise not to subject you to anymore heinousness of the B/R sex kind during this fic. With all that in mind, please review!


	16. Chapter 16

A/N : Big thanx to everyone who reviewed; Moonjava, RoleModelGirlie, SlaYeRGiRLkaL, sheilamarie, Anyank0705, bella-lover, Demonica Mills, Brunettepet, WhynotWho, Celestia Nailo, wigi, and Sydney. An extra big thanx to fashiongrrl for the extra big review, you rock sweetie, and I love your new fic! B/R is bad, I see everyone agrees on that, so it ends here...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see Chapter 1)_

Chapter 16

When Buffy woke up the next morning she was a little relieved to be free of Riley's embrace. What worried her slightly was that the clock said it was barely seven-thirty, and her fiancé was nowhere in the room. With a frown she got up from the bed, pulled on her robe and wandered through to the kitchen, yawning all the way. She was attempting to tame her wild hair when she found Riley putting a mug and plate in the sink.

"What's going on?" she asked, blinking to clear her vision. Her fiancé looked decidedly shifty about something.

"I'm sorry, honey" he apologised as he came around the counter towards her, "I didn't mean to wake you" he said, taking her unawares when he kissed her lips.

"You didn't" she told him as he pulled away, "Wake me I mean, I just wondered where you were"

"Bed's too big without me, huh?" he smiled suggestively and Buffy shuddered involuntarily. Last night had been so wrong and she felt sick just rembering how she'd thought of nothing but Spike as Riley made love to her.

"What are you doing up so early?" she asked tiredly, replaying what she'd said immediately after and praying her fiancé kept any innuendoes to himself.

"I have to be at work early" he told her awkwardly as he searched for his keys, "I'm making the pick-up instead of Xander, the boss kinda changed things around yesterday"

"Pick-up?" Buffy frowned, "You mean you're not coming home tonight?" she checked, recalling that Willow had mentioned Xander spending Thursday night away this week. Now it seemed Riley had been given the task instead.

"I'm sorry, baby" he apologised, finally locating his keys and stuffing them in his pocket, "I was going to tell you last night but...well, you were kinda distracting me" he grinned as he stood in front of her once again and ran his hand down her arm. She flinched away and looked daggers at him.

"It's the last night we get to spend together before our wedding day and you're not even going to be here?" she half-yelled, knowing she should be relieved about getting rid of him for one night but finding she was just so angry.

"I said I'm sorry Buffy" he repeated, "but I have to do this"

"Oh yeah, of course" the blonde laughed humourlessly, "'Cos obviously your job is more important than me!" she complained.

"Buffy, come on" Riley said grabbing her arm when she turned to walk away, "Don't be like this, it's not fair"

"Get off me!" she told him sharply pulling her arm from his grasp, "Is it fair that my fiance is abandoning me two days before our wedding?" she snapped and something dawned in Riley's eyes.

"Buffy" his voice softened, "Sweetheart, I'm coming back tomorrow" he told her, but she still wouldn't look at him. He carefully reached out to her and turned her around, feeling awful when he saw tears in her eyes.

"I would never leave you, not now" he swore to her, "I'm not him, I'm not William" he told her firmly. Buffy looked up at him and nodded silently before turning away and walking back to the bedroom.

"Tell me something I don't know" she whispered shakily to herself as she went, tears pouring down her cheeks.

Back in the kitchen Riley sighed, running a hand through his hair. Sometimes he didn't understand his future-wife, but he loved her and that was all that mattered. All these mood swings and stuff, he could live with that for a few months. If he suspected correctly, their happy marriage might be a happy family faster than most people suspected. What better way to explain Buffy's strange moods, crying fits, aversion to sex and then sudden want for him last night, than pregnancy.

* * *

Buffy decided enough was enough. Moping about William was ridiculous and taking out her anger on Riley was worse. She really had to figure out what she was going to do with her life and get on with it. She sat on the bedroom floor, the bottom drawer of her dresser pulled out next to her as she pulled out a multitude of photographs and different items, all linked to the memories that Buffy treasured.

An old shoebox, secreted in the back corner of the drawer was her biggest secret. Riley had no idea but it contained some of her best memories of High School, namely all her special items and photos linked to her relationship with William Anderson.

Their Prom photo, the cinema ticket from their first date at the movies, a couple of silly love letters he'd written her and various little notes they'd tossed back and forth in class.

The words she read made her laugh and cry at the same time, typical sappy lines of love and promises of eternity spent together. One piece of paper had a poem on it, and Buffy gasped at the sight of it. She hadn't realised she still had it but it was a verse Will had written especially for her eighteenth birthday. He'd apologised if it wasn't very good, but promised the words came from the heart. She'd cried joyful tears and told him it was beautiful, she hadn't even had to lie.

Wiping tears from her cheeks, Buffy folded the piece of paper carefully and moved on through the box of treasures. More photographs, a couple of her in her wedding dress, just an hour before William broke her heart. How memories of the same person could bring such happiness and such sadness at the same time was just unfortunate, but Buffy knew if she could turn back time and start again, she'd do everything exactly the same. She couldn't give up the good times she and William had, just to avoid the hurt that came later.

As she re-read the final words he wrote for her, the letter she'd first seen on her wedding day, Buffy was crying all over again. Her body heaved with great sobs of agony as she gripped her old engagement ring in her hand, tears staining the paper she read from til her vision blurred too much to see.

She wasn't crying for the day he left before. She knew what she felt now was the pain of having him back just briefly before he walked out of her life a second time. On top of that, she was set to marry a man she would never love enough, with no way out unless she planned on doing to Riley exactly what had been done to her. She didn't have it in her to put another through the agony she had suffered. What was there left to do but cry?

* * *

At seven o'clock there was a knock on the door but Buffy ignored it, she wasn't in the mood for company. She'd packed away her memories a couple of hours ago and though she'd managed to convince herself she was over it all, that she could get on with her life now, it wasn't entirely true. She hadn't been able to part with any items from her box of the past, instead just mostly wishing she could go back to those days when she was so happy.

The person beyond the door persisted in their knocking and Buffy sighed as she got up from the couch to answer it. It was probably Riley, found a way to get the stuff for the site and get back so he didn't have to spend a night away from her. Of course that meant she was supposed to be grateful and want to have sex with him, but after last night...She so wanted to love him and be close to him, but she realised now that she was never going to feel for him what she felt for...

"Spike?" she gasped as she opened the door and found him standing there. She would have been thrilled to see him were it not for the fact she was so confused.

He didn't look much like Spike anymore. Where his hair had been bleached blond to within an inch of it's life just a couple of days ago, it was now the blond/light brown that it used to be before. He was out of his black uniform, Buffy noticed and with some shock she recalled he was wearing almost exactly what he'd worn on their first date. He held in his hands a dozen red roses, again the same as the first date they'd shared.

"Who's Spike?" he asked her, making her frown, "Really Buffy I thought you'd get my name right on our first date" he smirked, but Buffy shook her head, and made to close the door. Spike's foot got in the way.

"Come on, luv" he begged, "I'm not asking for much"

She relented and opened the door again, considering what he was saying, despite her own better judgement. She'd missed him being around the past couple of days and she really didn't like herself much for it. All those memories, everything she'd been thinking about today. She wanted her past back and here was a major part of it, standing on her doorstep, almost as if he'd read her mind.

"What harm will it do to relive the good times for a few hours?" William asked her, with a tilt of his head and a look in his eyes that Buffy swore was some kind of thrall because in seconds she was telling him to come in and wait, she had to change if they were going out.

With a grin on his face that threatened to split it in two, Spike came into the apartment, handing the roses he held to Buffy.

"They're beautiful" she smiled, breathing in their sweet scent.

"Not as beautiful as you" he replied immediately, and Buffy was in two minds whether to believe him or put it down to the fact he was re-enacting their first date, because hadn't he said something similar back then?

She went to the kitchen to put her flowers in the sink, and then told Spike he could sit down before she headed for the bedroom to change. He took a seat on the sofa and glanced around the room. The smile on his face just would not shift even when he spotted a framed picture on the table of Buffy and Riley holding each other close. He knocked it forward so it fell face down on the table with a clunk.

"Oops" he commented to himself, trying not to chuckle. He knew Buffy loved him more than that stupid ponce, and tonight was going to prove that point, once and for all. It'd taken some planning to get tonight arranged, but after Buffy's repeated comments about him not being the man he used to be, Spike had decided to show her she was wrong. Bit of hair dye, different clothes, a visit to the boss of the Espresso Pump, and the whole thing was set.

"Okay, let's get this over with" he heard her say and he turned to see her exiting the bedroom, not only in a change of clothes but with her hair and make-up all done too.

"Bloody hell, luv, you look stunning" he told her, unable to believe she'd managed to do all that she had in just a few minutes. Anya would never leave the house til she'd applied a lorry load of products to her face and hair, and changed her outfit at least six times to find the most appropriate one. He should've remembered his Buffy was too beautiful to need much time to get presentable.

She coloured slightly at his compliment but tried to hide it under annoyance.

"If we're going, let's go" she pressed, "before my sanity gets back from vacation and I change my mind about this"

"Your wish is my command" Spike smirked, as they headed out of the front door.

On the other side he held out a hand to her and she looked at it like it might be a snake about to bite her, before glancing up at his face. It was William, and it was their first date, that was the game tonight. What harm could it do, it was just for a few hours? With a slight smile, she put her hand in his, and they set off together.

_To Be Continued..._

A/N2 : See, now we're getting into some Spuffyness! Please review and I'll try to get the next Spuffy-filled chapter done asap.


	17. Chapter 17

****

A/N : Thanx for the latest reviews; Moonjava, SlaYeRGiRLkaL, RoleModelGirlie, sheilamarie, Dark Drusilla, wigi, PK, bella-lover, Demonica Mills, Shadowhawke, spikes-slayer29590, glad you're all still reading and liking this fic! Here's some more, and all packed with Spuffy goodness!

__

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 17

Buffy felt like she'd slipped through a time warp as she sat in the movie theatre with her popcorn in her hands. The movie on the screen in front of her was just the same as it had been years ago on her first date with William Anderson who sat beside her now. To both her amusement and slight horror he'd used the stereotypical teenage boy move of yawning in order to get his arm around her that night, but tonight he didn't bother disguising the fact he wanted to touch her. She knew she should keep some distance between them. This was nothing more than a game, a re-enactment of times past that would be swiftly forgotten tomorrow morning, at least that was Buffy's plan.

Spike had a few plans of his own and so far they were going pretty well. He was a little worried that Buffy would refuse to come out with him tonight, despite the fact he was certain she still loved him. The way she looked at him before, the way she kissed him and the look in her eyes as she did so. There was no way in hell she was that good an actress, she definitely still felt deeply for him, as he did for her. He glanced at her in the dark, face illuminated by the movie screen. It could so easily be the first date they were play acting. She'd hardly changed at all, he realised, still as beautiful as the day he met her and the day he left her behind.

Buffy felt William's eyes on her but she wouldn't look back at him. They were incredibly close in the cinema seats and his arm around her shoulders kept her from moving away. His fingers played absently with the ends of her hair and she wondered if he realised he was doing it, or what he was doing to her just with this simple touch. Shivers went down her spine, everytime his fingertips brushed the bare skin at her shoulder, and twice she had trouble swallowing her popcorn because of it.

The credits began to roll at the end of the movie and Buffy was both pleased and saddened that she now had to move. It was nice just sitting here in the comfortable silence and darkness, her boyfriends arm around her...she mentally kicked herself. William was not her boyfriend anymore, they were not sixteen years old and this wasn't a fairytale, she reminded herself sternly, this was reality and she had a fiancé that she was due to marry the day after tomorrow. She got up from her seat sharply and Spike did the same, following her out to the foyer where the lights seemed too bright in comparison to the gloom in which the movie was shown.

"So" she sighed, putting her popcorn packet into the trash, "Are we done?" she checked, "This little 'date' over?" she air-quoted.

"Only if you really want it to be, luv" Spike told her, fidgeting awkwardly like he used to. Buffy couldn't figure out whether he was just play-acting his former-self or whether he really was kind of nervous about being out with her tonight.

"Did you have other plans for us?" she asked suspiciously and the smirk on his face said it all.

"Come on" he urged, getting hold of her hand and dragging her to the doors.

It was by now pouring with rain, as it had been threatening to do all day, "How fast can you run these days, Summers?" Spike asked as they looked out of the glass doors at the downpour. Neither of them had a substantial coat or anything since the evening was warm enough, just wet in seemed.

"Faster than you if I remember it right" Buffy told him with a look.

"Alright then" he grinned, suddenly bolting out the door with her hand still in his. He almost pulled her arm clean out the socket but she found she didn't care as they splashed down the street at an alarming rate. They laughed like kids as they turned the corner and sought shelter in the doorway of the Espresso Pump. Buffy wasn't aware that this was where Spike had meant to bring them all along.

"Come on" he said, tiling his head at the door, "Let's go in, I'll buy you one of those fancy latte things that you like so much"

"Okay" she nodded without thinking and he opened the door for her like a gentleman. As they came inside, Mr Donatello, the elderly owner, came running out from behind the counter. He didn't actually work in the shop much anymore, his son ran the place for him, but occasionally he did a shift when he was needed, like tonight it seemed.

"Oh, my two favourite customers" he exclaimed, "It has been too long since I see you together" he grinned, as he came towards them, "William, my boy, where have you been?" he asked.

"Oh y'know, here and there" he shrugged, feeling awkward as his time away from Sunnydale was questioned. He didn't want Buffy to think about all that tonight. He wanted her to remember the good times they'd had before, the love they'd shared.

"Er, Mr D, Marco reserved a table for me, I think" he said with a look and Buffy frowned.

"You reserved a table at a coffee shop?" she asked him, "Why would...oh" she stopped short when Mr Dontello led them over to what was most definitely 'their' table. William had asked her out at this table, and they'd sat in the same place on their first date, and shared their first kiss. As they sat down, Buffy took in the thin vase of roses set in the middle of their table alone before shooting a look at Spike.

"What?" he asked innocently, but the innocence didn't reach his eyes.

"You know what" Buffy accused but she couldn't be angry about it. What he was doing would be incredibly sweet and romantic, if not for the fact she was engaged to be married to another man and her wedding was in less than forty-eight hours!

Spike ordered drinks for them, her usual and his, and Buffy kept her eyes on the table, the window, the decor, anything but him.

"So, I s'pose you figured out that I planned us coming here" he said, almost guiltily.

"Kind of, yeah" Buffy smiled, making the mistake of looking at him like she'd promised herself she wouldn't. Seriously, this guys eyes should have some kind of warning on them, she thought as he caught her gaze. She knew if she looked too long she could drown in those bright blue pools that could see directly into her soul without even trying.

"Why?" she asked more softly than she meant to and he frowned.

"Why, what?" he checked, not really understanding. She glanced away in attempt to regain some focus and actually remember what she was asking anyway.

"Why tonight?" she clarified, "Why set all this up, the movie, the table...what are you trying to achieve?"

Spike knew if he told the truth now the whole night would get blown to hell. Not that his intentions weren't completely honourable. He loved her after all, wasn't like he was just after a quick shag before he disappeared off into the night. He was in this for the long haul, the whole works, but if he told her that she'd get all shirty and irrational about it, reminding him she was marrying that ponce Riley Finn. So what answer could Spike give to her question without getting yelled at or possibly smacked in the face again?

"Buffy" he said, taking her hand in his across the table, "Tonight is because...because the night we went on our first date was probably the first time in my whole life that I wasn't afraid of what I was, what I said, how I acted. I mean, yeah, petrified in the beginning" he admitted with a shy smile she hadn't seen in years, "but then I realised you'd willingly agreed to this date with me, you wanted to be with me. Nobody ever loved me like you did Buffy, and even if it's just for one last night, even if it is all make believe, I needed this night, to remind me such love was possible"

As he gave his answer to her question, she seemed to become hypnotised by his eyes and beautiful words combined. They were now just a fraction of an inch away from each other and the intensity of the moment made Buffy's heart pound in a way it hadn't since the day William first walked out of her life.

With just the slightest of movements, Spike put his lips to hers in a tender kiss that lasted just a few seconds. He pulled back a little then, anticipating harsh words or possibly a slap, but neither came. He was stunned but happily so when her arm snaked around his neck, pulling him to her so she could kiss him again. This kiss went on longer, deeper than the first and more intense.

A moment later, Buffy pulled away, breathing a little erratically and blushing when she realised what she'd done. Her fingers went subconsciously to her lips and she glanced away.

"We shouldn't..." she said awkwardly, "I shouldn't have, with the kissing, and...I'm sorry" she rambled, staring into her coffee cup and stirring the remaining contents around so she had something else to do.

"Buffy?" Spike reached across the table to her and she was on her feet in a instant.

"I need to go" she said, grabbing her purse and pulling on her jacket, "It was fun but...I have to go" she repeated moving towards the door. Quickly he got to his feet, threw some money on the table and hurried behind her, pulling his jacket on as he went.

The rain had stopped just as quickly as it had started and Buffy was a little disappointed not to have the excuse to run.

"Hey" his too familiar voice said behind her as his fingers closed around her arm. She turned back and looked at him, oh so gorgeous in the half-light. All she wanted was to turn back time, be sixteen again so it would be okay for him to kiss her again.

"I told you" she made herself say, "I have to go"

"Let me walk you home?" he tried, and both of them seemed to hold their breath until she gave an answer.

"Okay" she nodded, finally pulling her arm away and turning to walk down the street with him at her side. Though they were silent the whole way, it wasn't entirely uncomfortable, a little awkward though since both were having thoughts they had no right to have about the other.

They got as far as the door of her building and still Spike didn't leave her side, glad Buffy never asked him too. He walked with her into the building and they rode the elevator up to her floor. Outside her door they were forced to face each other again, face what they were thinking and feeling.

"Tonight was...fun" Buffy admitted, "I know you put a lot of effort into making it special, and it was sweet of you, but..."

"No" Spike interrupted, making her look up suddenly from her shoes, "No buts tonight, pet, please" he begged her, "Let's just leave it at the complimentary part, yeah?"

"William" she sighed, wondering if he knew just how difficult he was making this for her. She sensed even he wasn't really aware of it.

"Y'know you're the only woman I know that can make me feel so many different things just by saying my name like that" he shook his head, at how pathetic it seemed, "Only one who can make me feel like such a complete ponce with just one look too"

"You're not...whatever that is" she told him with a smile, "You're...you're just William" she shrugged, not having any other words to explain.

"That all you got to say?" he asked desperately, hoping for something more to go on, some sign that if he kissed her again he might manage to walk away still in one piece, or maybe not be asked to walk away at all...

"I don't know what you want me to say, Will" she sighed tiredly, "Or I do and you know that I can't..." she shook her head, reaching to put the key in the lock of her door.

"Can't or won't?" he asked, stepping in closer, their bodies mere inches apart as he put a hand on hers as it pushed the door open slightly.

"Don't" she said softly and entirely unconvincingly, the look in her eyes just begging him to kiss her like she wished he would, like he had in the coffee shop.

Buffy's head spun as her wish was granted and Spike brought his lips to hers once again. It was wrong, she knew that, but she started to forget why as his arms slid around her body and pulled her tight to him as the kiss went on. One of her arms curled round his neck, as the other pushed the door further open and they stumbled into the apartment. Spike kicked the door shut when they reached the other side, spinning around to pin Buffy against it. She gasped as his hand slid up inside her top, the other caught in her hair as his lips left hers and travelled around her neck.

"Oh God" she breathed, knowing this was so wrong and yet wanting him so badly it hurt.

"I love you, Buffy" he said against her skin, "Love you so much it's almost killed me to keep away" he admitted, bringing his head up to look at her. Her breathing was erratic and her face flushed as he looked into her eyes for some kind of answer, since she seemed incapable of forming words.

"I...I don't..." she stammered, "I love you" she said eventually, practically throwing herself back into his arms and kissing him hard. Every sensible consideration had left her mind, every conscious thought in fact as she let him invoke such feelings within her like she'd never felt before. He loved her, even if he hadn't have said it she could feel it, in every kiss and caress. At the same time there was an intense passion that she'd never experienced before, not even with William. That she suspected came from his experience over the past four years. That thought alone almost made her stop what was happening, but she just couldn't bring herself to actually pull away. This was too good.

She wasn't sure how she ended up with her back against the bedroom door, one hand helping Spike push his jacket from his shoulders, while the other desperately tried to work the handle and open the door. A moment later he was pushing her gently back into the mattress, fingers working buttons and clasps, as they desperately fought to relieve each other of their clothes.

When they made love it was just that, pure and total love for each other proven in the most exquisite of ways. It was everything their first time had been, and more besides. Raw passion and true love perfectly combined from beginning to glorious end.

"I love you" he whispered in her ear as they lay spent together afterwards.

"I love you too" she admitted as tears welled up in her eyes, "I really love you"

"Oh pet" he said when he noticed she was crying, "I never meant to hurt you"

"You didn't" she promised him, neither physically nor emotionally had he done that tonight and she proved it with a tender kiss in the dark, "You made me feel so...I can't even explain" she said, shaking as he wrapped his arms around her, "This is what it's supposed to be like" she realised aloud.

"That it is, pet" he agreed, still reeling from what had happened. He'd wondered if it might, though he held out no real hopes of getting more than a snog out of the one he loved tonight. What had happened had obviously thrilled him but he never expected to feel what he had. He'd slept with women, he'd slept with Buffy once, but it had never been like this.

As he realised she was falling asleep in his embrace, Spike pulled Buffy tighter to him and kissed the top of her head. He knew he loved her, he'd known all along for years, but now they'd both proved it without a doubt. He closed his eyes, a smile playing on his lips as he let sleep claim him too. They were truly in love and this time it was for keeps.

__

To Be Continued...

****

A/N2 : See, when I promise Spuffy, I always deliver, just takes a while sometimes! And yeah, I know, I could end the story here all happy, but it cannot be that simple y'know! Two chapters to go guys, and in the meantime your reviews would be very much appreciated, thanks.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N : Thanx to; Moonjava, RoleModelGirlie, Demonica Mills, wicked-angel3, spikes-slayer29590, CaroMio, Mr Lennox I pressume, OnlyHaveEyesForYou, SlaYerRGiRLkaL, Courtney37, Anyanka0705, PK, and sheilamarie, for the latest reviews. Glad you all liked the previous chapter and hope you like this one too...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 18

The only things Buffy was aware of as she began to wake up the next morning was the sun shining in through the drapes, all warm and bright, and the same kind of feeling inside her heart. She knew she didn't want to fully awaken, when she did she knew she'd remember things that weren't all good, but in these couple of minutes she could force it all away and just revel in that warm fuzzy feeling that comes from being loved and being in love too.

She woke up too fast as she rolled over in the bed and found a big space on the other side. Of course Riley was away until at least lunch time today, but then that wasn't who she'd expected to find beside her. Last night William had taken her to the dizzy heights of pure ecstasy, as he told her he loved her and proved it beautifully.

Now it was the morning after the night before and in the harsh light of day Buffy was feeling incredibly guilty over her betrayal of Riley, not to mention terribly upset when it occurred to her that she'd been used. It was an awful thing to have to think, but if William had meant the things he said and did last night, why wasn't he still with her now, unless it had all been an elaborate lie.

Her hand went to her face as she fought back tears, the engagement ring on her third finger taunting her over what she had done. Buffy felt wretched until suddenly she heard a noise in the kitchen, a clatter of utensils before a distinct curse word that meant only one person was there.

Buffy hopped out of bed, ridiculously startled to find herself completely naked. She pulled on her dressing gown, fastening it tight around her body, before venturing out of the bedroom and through to the kitchen. The sight that met her eyes made her feel a hundred and one things both good and bad, but the over-riding emotions were guilt and terrible wanting as Spike stood there with his back to her, wearing just his jeans and nothing else.

"Sorry, pet" he said when he turned and saw her there, "Didn't mean to wake you"

"You didn't" she shook her head slightly, trying to regain coherent thought as the sight of so much of his body reminded her exactly what they'd done last night, each detail so clear the very memory made her shiver deliciously.

She was hardly aware of what was happening as he came towards her, putting a hand to her waist and one in her hair as he pulled her into a kiss. As terrible as she was feeling over her almost-adultery, Buffy was disappointed when Spike pulled away first and went back over to the counter.

"You spoiled my surprise" he told her, "I was making you breakfast in bed" he said, showing her the tray he'd been preparing for her. Guilt overtook her as she flashed-back to two days ago when Riley had done the same thing. That night they'd slept together in an attempt to relight the fire between them, bring back some romance, but all it'd done was prove to Buffy that William meant so much more to her than her fiancé ever could.

Tears streamed down her face and she was almost unaware of it as she stood there in the kitchen, barely dressed, staring at the breakfast tray Spike held and feeling so terrible.

"Hey, now" he sighed, putting the tray down and coming over to her once again. He tried to put his arms around her and for a moment she shrugged him off before allowing herself to be pulled into his embrace. She sobbed into his chest, wishing the world were simpler, that Spike had not come back to Sunnydale when he had. She was happy with Riley until she was forced to compare him to the new version of her ex. Now everything had gone so terribly wrong and there seemed to be no way of solving the problems she faced without hurting someone.

When her shoulders eventually stopped heaving and her tears ceased, Spike pulled away and tried to see her face.

"What's this about, Buffy?" he asked her worriedly. She looked away, unable to answer but he guessed it was guilt over what they'd done. She was still engaged to her enormous hall monitor of a boyfriend after all, but he did so hate to see her cry for any reason. Knowing he was a part of that reason tore him apart inside.

Not knowing how else to soothe her pain he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. She hesitated at first but soon joined in with what he'd started and a repeat performance of the night before seemed likely as their passion rose. They stumbled over to the couch, the bedroom seeming too far away. They were soon lying together there, Spike's hands sliding inside her dressing gown and encountering naked flesh. As beautiful as it felt, Buffy had a sudden flash back to a couple of days ago, when something similar had begun on this very couch.

"No" she said suddenly, wriggling out from under him, "No, not again" she told both him and herself.

"But, Buffy" he said looking hurt, "I love you, after last night I thought..."

"You thought what?" she shot back angrily, much more furious with herself for letting this all happen than she was with him, but he was about to feel the force of her wrath anyway it seemed, "You thought that you'd use your new-found skills to confuse me and make me think I want you again?" she accused.

His eyes narrowed at that comment as she stood before him, tying her dressing down tight around her once again.

"You do want me" he told her, standing up and getting in her face, "You love me, you said it last night"

"People say things, Spike" she told him, emphasis on his name, trying to convince herself this wasn't William and so she didn't care how she hurt him when really she did, "You never tell any of your other women things that weren't true"

"I haven't got other women!" he protested loudly, "And what I told anyone that I've...been with is irrelevant"

"Isn't that what I am?" she asked, "Just another woman you've been with?"

"You know that's not true" he said seriously, looking her right in the eye, "You know what you mean to me Buffy, you must do"

"I thought I did" she shook her head sadly, "But I guess I got it wrong, I was right before, you're not the guy I fell in love with" she snapped, turning her back on him.

"Then who the bloody hell I am?" he asked, putting a hand to her shoulder and spinning her around again, "Cos I swear to God Buffy all I know is I'm the man that loves you, and the man you said you loved too not ten hours ago"

"I lied" she forced out, knowing the real lie was what she was saying now but she was so angry at herself and at him for making her love him all over again. It was just this huge mess and she couldn't think straight with him so close to her, especially when neither of them were decently dressed and the memories of last night were far too clear in her mind.

The look on his face was somewhere between incredulous and pained, and she just couldn't bear to meet his eyes. A humourless laugh escaped his lips and she felt sick.

"Oh, you lied" he echoed, "Right then, guess you win the bloody Oscar, luv" he told her bitterly, "Cos you had me, hook, line, and sinker"

"Then you're a fool" she said, her back to him since she knew she'd never be able to lie like this if he could see her face, "I'm marrying Riley tomorrow, why would you think you meant anything to me...You were just convenient, one last fling before I settle down"

"You can't mean this" he said sounding so distraught about it she almost caved, almost turned around flung herself into arms and kissed him senseless, apologising over and over and promising she really did love him, but she remained as she was.

"Come on, Spike" she said as she turned to glance at him just briefly, "Lots of women sleep with the stripper...It doesn't mean anything"

William didn't have words to answer that. He walked back to the bedroom to fetch the rest of his clothes and as soon as he was dressed he went to the front door without saying a word to Buffy who sat on the sofa with a nonchalant look on her face. He'd like to call her a liar, say she was faking all this apathy to their situation but the things she'd said had hurt as much as if she had meant them, and he hated her just a little bit either way.

Without a word he left the apartment, slamming the door as he went. On the other side he bumped into a delivery boy whom he swore at for getting in his way. Beyond the door, Buffy sat on the couch, put her head in her hands and cried like a child. She'd just done such a terrible thing, she'd hurt the one person in the world she loved the most, but she had good reasons. At least they'd seemed like they were valid a moment ago, now she just felt wretched for the pain she'd caused. When Riley found out what she'd done he'd be terribly hurt too and the tears that poured down her cheeks were clear evidence of her own pain.

A knock on the door made her gasp, it either had to be Spike returning or Riley home early from his trip. Either way she knew she must answer and face the consequences of her actions both last night and just a moment ago. She was a little startled to find a large bunch of flowers greeted her when she opened the door.

"Er, Miss Buffy Summers?" said the uncertain delivery boy from behind the bouquet.

"Yes" she sniffed, frowning as she took the flowers from him and signed the board he thrust at her.

"Have a nice day" he called a she headed back down the stairs and Buffy took her delivery inside, pulling out the card and reading it. It did nothing to heal the ache in her heart as she read words of both apology and love from her fiancé. What did he really have to apologise for, she asked herself, he'd done nothing but love her and care for her. It wasn't his fault she'd never truly gotten over William, or that he'd walked out of her life on their wedding day. Riley couldn't take the blame for Spike's return or the result of last nights mock date.

He was not the guilty party in all this, and to some degree even Spike was innocent. Though he'd hurt her years ago, since he'd been back he'd been nothing but sweet and kind and loving. Both the men in her life could be accused of nothing worse than loving her this past week, and in return she'd done nothing but hurt them. Right now all she could do was cry and hate herself, but later she knew she'd have to make some kind of decision about her future, be it with Riley or with Spike.

* * *

Spike hated that he could feel tears in his eyes as he stormed away from the apartment block where Buffy lived. Only she could do this to him, reduce him to his former self, the hen-pecked teenager that worshipped the ground she walked on and couldn't help stammering and blushing whenever she paid any attention to him for the first few months he'd known her. He'd come a long way since then, at least he thought he had, and yet with just a few simple words she brought him right back down again.

Anger took over from sadness at the very idea he could be controlled in such a way, that he allowed himself to be used as it seemed she had used him. A final fling before she got married, a night of fun with the stripper, he doubted she even realised how much it hurt to hear her say those things. Maybe that was the point though, maybe she did know, maybe the whole time she set out to make him feel the pain he'd caused her when he walked out on her four years ago.

So engrossed in thought was Spike he didn't see Xander coming in the opposite direction until he ploughed right into him, both young men nearly falling on their backsides.

"Woah" Xander reeled back, a little stunned by the blast from the past of seeing his old friend looking just like he had when they were teens, "You weren't kidding about reminding the Buffster of your past" he smiled.

"Ha bloody ha, Harris" Spike snapped, feeling he was being laughed at, "Bleedin' hilarious ain't it?" he said as he continued walking, until his friend called him back.

"What's up with you?" he checked, "Did things not go so well last night?"

"Things went bloody brilliant last night" he said sadly shaking his head, "This morning when it all went to soddin' hell" he complained.

"You wanna talk?" Xander offered, hoping that came across in a manly way.

"Appreciate the offer, mate" Spike smiled slightly, "but talking won't solve anything, not now. She doesn't love me"

"The Buffster doesn't..." Xander trailed off not able to take in that particular concept, "Are you kidding me?" he asked incredulously.

"Do I look like I'm havin' a laugh" his friend shot back with a definite pissed-off look.

"Not so much" Xander admitted, "But Will, seriously, I don't know what Buffy said to you but she never stopped loving you, me and Willow both know that, and so do you"

"Thought that was true last night" Spike said quietly, almost to himself and Xander glanced in the direction his old friend had been walking from. The apartment he'd been staying at wasn't that way, but Buffy's was. Now everything was becoming all too clear.

"I'm not asking for kiss and tell here" he said cautiously, "but you and she...did you?" he said vaguely.

"What do you think, Harris?" Spike rolled his eyes, "That I'm so mightily hacked off cos she chucked me out for cheating at Trivial Pursuit?"

"No" said Xander, to rhyme with 'duh!', "but I don't presume where you and the Buffster are concerned"

"Look, Xand" Spike sighed, "I appreciate what you and Red have done for me these past few days and I know you would've liked to have seen me and Buffy make a go of it but, it's not gonna happen" he admitted sadly, "I'm gonna give Anya a call, see if I can wangle my job back, then I'm outta here...for good this time"

Xander didn't know what to say to that, as the two shook hands and Spike turned to go. He was several feet away when the brunette had a thought and went after him.

"Hey, do me one favour" he said as he caught up with is old friend, "Before you leave, say goodbye to Buffy. No letters, no phone calls, go say an actual goodbye this time"

"I will" Spike nodded, "If only for yours and Red's sake I'll be a gentleman, do the decent thing"

He walked away then and Xander watched him disappear around the corner, only hoping that Spike would not be leaving today. If he did, Buffy's heart would be broken again and then so would Riley's when their sham of a marriage fell apart as he knew it surely would. His best friend loved her fiancé, he knew she did, but she wasn't in love with him like she was with William, any fool could see that. He only hoped they could work it all out, before it was too late.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Just one more chapter to go! If you want to review, please do!


	19. Chapter 19

A/N : Well, here we are, end of another fic. Can't believe all four of my WIPs have ended all at the same time, they certainly didn't start altogether. Anyway, thanx to everyone who has reviewed this fic; Merideth, Demonica Mills, RoleModelGirlie, Moonjava, SlaYeRGiRLkaL, spikes-slayer29590, Dark Drusilla, bella-lover, Shadowhawke, Yutsuko, gypsy-jin, OnlyHaveEyesForYou, PK, spuffygrl, Celestia Nailo, plus all the reviewers of all the other chapters too. You all rock and I'm so pleased that you all liked this story so much, I had a great time writing it.  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 19

It had taken Buffy a couple of hours to stop crying, sort herself out and clean herself up so she was looking half-decent. It was terrible but she was actually starting to realise what she had to do. She was never going to be happy with Riley and it was doubtful she could get Spike back after the things she'd said this morning. In her mind she was slowly coming to the decision, she needed to tell Riley the truth. If he still wanted to stay with her, knowing she would always love William more, then they could talk about it, but she doubted even he could be so selfless.

As to William himself, she hoped he'd stay in Sunnydale. After what had happened between them, both the good and the bad over the past week, it was not going to be plain sailing between them, but maybe at least given time they could learn to be friends. It was all starting to work itself out in Buffy's head, becoming a little easier to deal with. Of course the easiest solution would be to pack a bag and run away whilst she had the chance, but that would make her as bad as William when he walked out on her wedding day. She would not be a hypocrite and do that to Riley the day before they were due to marry.

A tap on the door, almost too quiet to hear stole her attention away from deep life-altering thoughts that filled her head. She assumed it would be Riley since it was getting late in the morning and he was due back at any moment, she wondered though why he wouldn't just use his key and let himself in, unless he was feeling bad about their argument before he left.

"Oh" Buffy gasped when she opened the door and found Spike on the other side. He'd bleached his hair again, changed back into his black clothes, but when their eyes met she was painfully reminded that he was very much still William.

"Can I come in?" he asked flatly and she could only nod, moving aside to let him pass, "I had to see you, didn't want to" he explained, "but I had to"

"Oh William, I'm so sorry for what I said before" Buffy found herself saying as she stood before him, fighting tears, "I never meant what I said, I do love you" she swore.

Spike shook his head and looked away.

"Don't, luv" he told her without looking at her, "I can't...I won't have you saying things you don't mean just so it doesn't hurt as much"

"But I'm not" she protested, "I mean, I was before, saying things I didn't mean, but this is the truth now" she promised him. It hurt that he still couldn't look at her, and that he pushed her hands away when she reached for him.

"You don't know what the truth is, Buffy" he said, finally loking at her, hating to see tears on her cheeks and wanting so much to wipe them away, take her in his arms and tell her it was all okay, but he couldn't, "You hurt me" he told her sadly and something hardened in her eyes.

"And you hurt me" she reminded him.

"That's what it was all about, isn't it?" he said with a look, "I hurt you so you hurt me, an eye for an eye and all that, right?"

"No" Buffy frowned, "How could you think that after...everything?" she asked, looking so upset he hated himself for his accusation, but what she'd done seemed so much like revenge.

With a sigh he walked over to her, wiped away her tears with his thumbs, one hand lingering at her face. She leaned her cheek into his palm, so close to crying all over again.

"I didn't come here to fight" he told her softly, "I came here because...seems Xander thought it'd be a good idea for us to talk before I left"

"Left?" she echoed in a whisper, the lump in her throat doubling in size as two more fat tears rolled down her cheeks. His hand left her face and he turned his back on her.

"Can't stay, pet" he told her, feeling like such a ponce for wanting to cry himself, "Can't stand by and see you marry that plank you plan on gettin' wed to" he shook his head, "I gotta go, and I gotta do it now" he said, glancing back at her briefly before heading towards the door. He opened it and stepped outside and it was only then as she followed him that she noticed his bag in the hall.

"You're really going" she realised all too painfully and he nodded she was right as he hefted the bag onto his shoulder.

"At least you got fair warning this time" he told her almost in a whisper, "Can't tell the world I did you wrong this go-round, luv. You told me to go, and I am"

"But I..." she began he silenced her with a finger on her lips.

"Hush now, pet" he told her, knowing if she said she loved him again he'd cave and stay. They'd be together until her fiance got back and then she'd be in a quandry over who she loved best. He couldn't live on this merry-go-round of rotating knives, getting cut to shreds every day. Best she married her poncing fiance and had done with it, whilst he found his own way to move on, "We had fun, reliving old times, didn't we?" he smiled sadly, "but it's done now. I'll be on the bus to LA within half an hour and you, you'll make a beautiful bride tomorrow" he told her, before he finally turned to walk away.

"William!" she called as he reached the stairs and he turned back.

"Think you got me mixed up with someone else, luv" he told her, "Name's Spike"

She cried openly as he walked out on her again, a part of her knowing she should run after him, try harder to make him see she did love him, even if she wasn't sure what that meant right now. She sank to her knees just inside the apartment, crying like the world had ended, maybe hers just had.

"Buffy?" said a male voice behind her and a stab of guilt went through her heart as she realised she was disappointed to find it was Riley, "Baby, what happened?" he asked worriedly as he helped her up from the floor and she sobbed in his embrace.

"He's gone now" she cried, too mixed up to realise what she was saying and to whom.

"He?" Riley frowned, "The guy on the stairs? Your friend from before" he remembered her mentioning, "Did he hurt you?" he asked frantically, holding her away at arms length to see her face and make sure he got any answer she gave straight away.

"No, not how you think" she cried, "I hurt him, Riley I hurt him so badly"

He wracked his brain to try and remember why the guy was vaguely familar, and how somebody like that was friends with his future-wife. How had this guy got mixed up with Buffy and how had they come to hurt each other in such a way that she should be a sobbing mess because of it? All this and more spun around in Riley's head and when Buffy finally glanced up to meet his eyes, sniffing back the remnants of tears she no longer had the energy to cry she knew she had to explain.

"It was William" she said almost too quietly, "He came back"

"William" Riley echoed, hands slipping from Buffy's arms, "As in William Anderson? As in the slime ball that left you at the altar years ago?"

"It's not that simple" she shook her, "And he came back and he...and I..." she rambled incoherently. Riley looked thoughtfully at her, spotted the guilt in her face.

"Buffy" he said shakily, "He didn't...you and he didn't..."

The blonde looked up, all tear-streaked and blotchy as she faced him.

"I'm sorry" she said sincerely, "I didn't mean for it to happen" she assured him, "but..."

"But it did" Riley ground out, unable to look at her now, "Buffy, how could you...?" he asked sounding pained, "We're supposed to be getting married tomorrow, for God sakes, Buffy, you're having my baby"

"What!" she asked suddenly turning around, her eyes wide as dinner plates, "Riley, I...I'm not"

Riley wasn't sure if he felt better or worse for hearing that but all Buffy could feel right now was thouroughly stunned.

"Why would you think that?" she asked him and he shook his head absently, mouth opening and closing like a landed fish before he finally answered her.

"You were...you cried a lot, and God the mood swings" he laughed humourlessly, "When you didn't want me touching you I put it down to hormones, put all the symptoms together and..." he closed his eyes tight, feeling unmanly tears forming there, "I started to think maybe you were pregnant, and then the way you wanted me and how upset you got in the morning, it all added fuel to the fire...but it was nothing to do with me at all, was it?" he exhaled, running his fingers back through his hair as he sank down onto the couch, keeping his head in his hands.

"It was about you" Buffy assured him crouching down in front of him and trying to see his face, "I was so determined not to hurt you, Riley, you've been nothing but good to me"

"I love you" he told her as he looked up at her, knowing it was still all too true despite knowing the truth about her betrayal, "I just never realised you were lying when you told me the same thing"

"No" Buffy said almost angrily, "No, I never lied...I do love you Riley, I have for a long while now, but...but, it's not enough" she admitted tearfully, "I know it hurts you to hear it but I love William more, and I tried to stop, I did...but I can't"

"You used me" he realised and Buffy wouldn't take that from him. She brought back her hand and slapped him across the face.

"That's not fair" she snapped as she got to her feet, "I admit maybe I didn't love you like I should, I couldn't help it, but you cannot accuse me of using you"

"What would you call it Buffy?" he asked her, anger rising, "If you knew you'd never love me as much as your precious William, why did you agree to marry me?"

"Because I thought I loved you enough" she explained so frustrated by the way he seemed to refuse to understand what she was trying to say, "Maybe because I wished that I did"

"But you don't" Riley said as a statement though there was a hint of a question in there too, as if he needed to hear her say the words to truly believe it.

"No, I don't" she told him, hating the pain she was causing but knowing it was now or never, and honesty was not just the best but the only policy, "but I'll stay, if you want me too" she said, voice cracking with emotion as she subconsciously stared at the clock across the room. Ten more minutes and Spike would be gone forever.

"You really think I could marry you?" Riley almost laughed at the concept, "Knowing you'll never love me like I love you, how could I?"

"I swear I never meant to hurt you" Buffy told him, "I can't help that I still love him"

Nine minutes she noticed out of the corner of her eye.

"If you love him so damn much, why are you still standing here?" he asked, looking away, "You don't want to be with me, and talking about it isn't helping" he breathed, "Just go"

Buffy faltered just a moment before heading for the door. She turned back just briefly, offering one last apology before she ran out the door and almost tripped herself up taking the stairs two and three at a time, barefoot because it hadn't even occurred to her to put shoes on.

Relief had flooded her body when Riley told her he didn't want her to stay with him. It should've hurt but it was nothing in comparison to when William had walked away from her again. She couldn't blame him this time, he'd given her a chance to stop him but she hadn't tried hard enough, not til this moment.

The concrete streets were hard and cold but she didn't notice any pain as she slammed down the road, long skirt wooshing round her legs and tears tracks still all too visible on her cheeks as she thundered towards the nearest bus stop.

"No!" she yelled when she saw the driver close the doors when she was still a few feet away, "No, stop!" she begged as she made it, banging on the side of the vehicle until the driver took notice and re-opened the doors.

Buffy stumbled up the steps, breathing erractically as she landed barely on her feet. She looked down the bus for Spike, making to walk along the aisle, when the driver called her back.

"You need a ticket to ride, Miss" he told her, "Where are you going to?"

"That's what I'd like to know" said a voice from the street and Buffy couldn't believe her eyes when she turned and saw him standing there.

"William" she breathed, throwing herself off the bus and into his arms, a smile on her face at last. Spike caught hold of her, hugging her so tight he almost broke ribs but she was doing the same to him and neither seemed to mind. As the bus pulled away behind her, Buffy was oblivious

"You were going to stay" she said pointlessly as she pulled away just enough to look at him.

"What kind of romantic would I be if I didn't fight for you?" he smirked, pushing her hair from her face that was still marred with the tracks of tears he hated himself for causing.

"You don't need to fight" she shook her head "I don't want anymore fighting, and I'm sorry, I really didn't mean all those things I said before, I just..."

"S'okay, pet" he interrupted her rambling "I know"

She smiled at that, she would've laughed with relief if the moment had not been so serious and intense.

"I told Riley the truth, that I love you, that I always did" she said with a quiver in her voice.

"I never should have been such a silly sod and left you..." Spike said feeling terrible about it still. Buffy put her finger to his lips, silencing him as he'd done to her earlier.

"Shh" she hushed him "it doesn't matter now. You were gonna stay this time anyway" she said again, loving that it was true.

"I was" he nodded, looking deep into her eyes "I love you, Buffy" he said with such sincerity she almost felt unworthy of it.

"I love you too" she told him in kind, right before their lips met.

They stayed like that for some time, holding each other and expressing their love with kisses that lasted as long as was possible before they needed to breathe. When they finally broke apart, Spike looked seriously at the woman in his arms.

"What happens now then?" he wondered aloud, "You're supposed to be getting wed tomorrow" he reminded her.

"I have to deal with that, cancel stuff" she shook her head, as she thought of the whole matter with some distaste "We'll figure it out later" she said after a moment as she looked back up at him and immediately began drowning in his eyes all over again, "Right now, I just want you kissing me" she admitted.

Spike smirked his best smirk as he leaned in impossibly close.

"Not gonna argue with that" he whispered, pressing his lips firmly to hers once again. Buffy was right, he realised. Stuff the rest of the world for five minutes, this was all that mattered right now.

Flash Forward

"You may kiss the bride"

Buffy had tears in his eyes and Spike a smile on his face as the happy couple leaned in for their first kiss as a married couple.

"I love you, Mrs Harris" Xander grinned as he and his new wife pulled away from each other.

"I love you too, Mr Harris" Willow replied in kind as they turned to walk back down the aisle, closely followed by Buffy and Spike who made a second perfect couple as Maid of Honour and Best Man.

"They look so happy" the blonde smiled as they got outside the church and rice was thrown by other guests.

"That they do, pet" Spike agreed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "Jealous?" he asked with a tilt of his head and Buffy looked thoughtful for a moment before bending down to pick up the little boy that came running into her arms.

"Mommy!" he shrieked, wrapping his little arms tight around her neck, "You're so pretty" he grinned.

"Thank you, sweetie" she said, kissing the top of his head before passing him to his father when he reached for him.

"Enjoy the wedding then, champ?" Spike asked his son who nodded excitedly, and rambled something about 'pretty things' and 'when will there be cake?'

Buffy watched the happy couple get their picture taken, leaning into her boyfriend beside her as he held their son tightly with his other arm.

"You didn't answer my question, pet" he whispered in her ear and she sighed.

"Am I jealous?" she echoed his earlier question, glancing up at him and her baby boy, "No" she smiled genuinely, "I have everything I ever wanted"

The End

**A/N2 : See? I promised a happy Spuffy ending and you got one, not just in the present day but in a flash-forward too! Hope you liked it and that you'll review and tell me!**


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